Forsaken. - bastionbibi - 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan (2025)

Chapter 1: Another Whiskey

Chapter Text

Rumours are both useless and useful. Useless as in, there’s no reason to pay them any mind because you can’t discern what’s true or not without any hard proof, but they’re useful as in, because you don’t need any proof, you can make up absolutely anything you want.

And there’s far too much rumour in and around this case.

The murder of Toshiro Odagiri, who was poisoned in his own precinct, right in the middle of a meeting with other high-ranking officials.

Their own Chief Superintendent, assassinated right under their noses.

This case has law enforcement scratching their heads and heightening their security, especially in that precinct alone, gone is the atmosphere of brotherhood and solidarity when other institutions are called in to investigate their own people, accusing those they’re supposed to trust of being the murderer or an accessory of murder.

It has been a full week since the murder happened, when Odagiri Keishicho started vomiting blood in the meeting room, his face pale as snow as he tries to take in oxygen with lungs that had stopped working. Autopsy results showed that he had ingested a slow-acting poison around 2 weeks prior, it’s a poison that can be administered by diluting it in liquid. It could’ve been his coffee, his tea, maybe even injected into his water bottle, knowing that it can be so easily administered makes it monumentally harder for investigators to track down where or when exactly he digested that poison.

Other institutions are working together in trying to contain mass paranoia seeing that someone had leaked the autopsy result. It took weeks for the poison to work, who knows, maybe they already signed their own death certificate, maybe they could be choking out blood any second now.

One death had shaken half of that precinct. See how easy that was?

It was smart of this assassin to use something that is slow acting, everyone felt like their life might be at stake, everyone going to the doctors, being extra sensitive to one another, fearing not only for their lives but maybe their families too.

And they have NO clue who had committed it! None. None.

That’s the truth for them. But not for Furuya Rei.

Truth is, Furuya had known who assassinated Odagiri, not even because he snooped around, it was a piece of information freely given by Vermouth to any Codename members contactable at the time. It’s a little… housewarming gift by a certain someone.

The timing is also perfect, by murdering Odagiri, they’re given the opportunity to place their own corrupt, high-ranking Superintendent in his stead, if they manage to do that, the organization would have unprecedented power, not even to the law enforcement, but to other rival entities too. It’s going to be a monumental undertaking in doing such but the opening is there, the prize is up for grabs, it’s only a matter of time and strategy.

Furuya and his unit have been working themselves to death trying to analize what they missed and what kind of error they committed until some unknown assassin managed to murder someone right under their noses, as if this assassin managed to bypass all their security and contingency plans.

It created a mess, so of course Gin is pleased.

There’s another reason why he seems pleased too. See, Odagiri was originally Pinga’s target, with how high-ranking Odagiri was, Pinga was playing the long game, infiltration and subterfuge are his specialities after all. But then this… new person assassinated him mere weeks after he was silently assigned by Gin himself.

Perhaps it was a test, perhaps he just wanted to piss Pinga off, which is something of a hobby of his. But the end result is the same. Someone had found an effective way to not only murder Odagiri but also to cripple a whole precinct, at least for a little while, effects of paranoia die quickly if the fire is not tended after all. It was a job well done though, and Gin didn’t seem to mind this person too much, because perhaps unlike Pinga, this newcomer didn’t seem that interested in climbing ranks. Or at least that’s what they show, no one knows the full truth of anyone’s intentions and it’s better that way, it’s familiar, realistic.

Furuya knows who killed Odagiri.

‘A sweetheart.’ Vermouth had told him. ‘With an equally sweet name.’

Sweet… Vermouth has a sense of humour. Furuya just knows that this person is going to be a nuisance, or at least yet another person he has to keep an eye on, seeing that they manage to get Vermouth, and to an extent, Gin, to like them already.

Odagiri was murdered by this new Codename member, rumour has it that he might be the youngest member to ever be given a Codename, in fact, he might even look younger than his age. But again, never trust a mere rumour, it’s not worth it.

And now, a week later, the active codename members in Japan are called in, it’s not a mandatory meeting so, understandably, most of them chose not to attend. Sure, Furuya does not give a shit in little meetings like these but he has an inkling of what’s going to happen. And his gut was right.

Vermouth is present in the meeting, unlike Furuya, some members at this table haven’t even met Vermouth in the flesh before, so it was A Moment for them, but Furuya doesn’t give a shit, he sees her every other day, he just wants her to stop with the suspense and tell them what they’re here for.

She doesn’t say much, but she seems oh so pleased today. “I want you to meet our newest member.”

Furuya hears a couple of scoffs, he wonders why they came here if they don’t want to, even a mule could decipher that this meeting is to introduce this new guy to them, they did the same to announce Bourbon when he started being ‘posted’ in Greater Tokyo Area, because it’s not like they can just do this through email right?

But if he had known his heart would stop when she saw the person, if he knew that his life would be turned upside down in seconds, if he knew…

But he doesn’t, and he uses every kind of training he endured in the past to keep his face stoic and unaffected when the person Vermouth has been itching to introduce walks into the room.

Wearing their Organization’s typical all-black; suit, shirt and pants all crisp yet casual, worn by a ghost.

Furuya is looking directly at a ghost, there’s no other explanation for it.

Because walking into the room, is a boy with a smile so sweet it feels like he’s mocking them in the most charming way, his hair dyed red and brown, probably shoulder length or longer as it is long enough to be twisted into a thin lace braid and tied into a bun, and his eyes, an orange colour, almost red in such dark lighting, it reminds of something…

But that’s not what’s important, he doesn’t fucking care about how that guy looks, the important part is the person to whom it belongs.

“Let me introduce you, to Moonshine.”

Vermouth sounds a little too happy, and this ‘Moonshine’, acts so respectfully to his ‘seniors’, purposely making his respectful image a little too much to make sure everyone knows that it’s fucking artificial. And the assassin used slow-acting poison, how appropriate, is that his signature or something? Was he given that name on purpose?

But that’s not ‘Moonshine’, he refuses to call him by that name.

Sure, his hair is dyed and wearing realistic contact lenses, but Furuya can see it clearly, he spent so much with him in the past, both as his younger self and a few days with his… older self.

So, yes. He knows. He can just feel it.

The one standing in front of him is Kudo Shinichi.

Kudo Shinichi who committed suicide 2 years ago, merely days after the death of his childhood lover, Ran Mouri.

=

It was so… real. He should’ve expected it from the not-so-little boy. He faked Akai Shuichi's death and convinced everyone he was properly dead, burnt to a crisp with a hole in his head. Why shouldn't he fake his own?

Rei still remembered how devastated he felt, it's hard to make him cry, but he wept that night because it was just so… it was sad, it was just… sad. To think that the lively boy who was running around crime scenes and eating spaghetti in Poirot had cut open his own wrist, only one month after Ran Mouri’s ashes were buried.

Ran Mouri had fallen into a coma one year prior after her trip to Tropical Land with her boyfriend, she was saved by the police and rushed to the hospital but she has not woken up since. It seemed like her body suddenly fell ill to an unknown sickness, they tried everything, tested for any known disease but the result came up empty.

Her boyfriend, on the other hand, had gone missing completely, and no one was able to track him down. Her parents had tried to do so as well, Kogoro having a somewhat grudge against this boy who he assumed had a part in his daughter’s illness and her eventual death. He even made a scene on Shinichi’s funeral… It’s apparent that he would never recover.

Ran had she stayed in a coma. Merely days after the return of her lover, who had been busy ‘working’ as a Detective in god knows where, her vital organs started shutting down one by one. By then, her parents made the heartbreaking choice to put her out of her life support, finally ending her year-long misery…

Then Shinichi Kudo, her childhood sweetheart, whose return is known only by a handful of people, was found dead in his library, both of his wrists cut vertically down from his palm to his elbow with strong, swift slashes. The teenage detective, only 17 years old, bled out in his chair, as if he had just finished reading, as if he was just sleeping.

Ran Mouri’s phone on the floor, dropped from his hand as Shinichi’s muscle slowly gave way, a blurry video playing still playing on a loop. Those precious seconds played on repeat, perhaps that was the thing that pushed him over the edge.

The accidental 10 seconds video Ran took when she was trying to take photos instead, of both of them whining but then started laughing together seeing how ridiculous they look trying to keep the pose but the flash never turned on. The guilt of taking her into that place in the first place, his last precious memories before he practically killed her.

Furuya had kneeled in front of his tombstone, apologizing for hours, and even when he was back in the safety of his own home, he still apologized to him. Furuya doesn't pray, God has never been on his side, and he's not seeking forgiveness from the dead, all he wanted was to apologize.

Couldn't save you. Couldn't save you. Should've tried harder. Should've talked to you. I couldn't save you. I was right there and I couldn't save you. Again. I failed again.

It was his grieving process, he'd apologize, a picture of the boy in a locked folder on his laptop, right next to the pictures of his lost family.

Subaru Okiya was missing from his funeral. Akai Shuichi stands there, risking everything to come see his little mastermind one last time.

He just stood there, as the crowd dispersed, as his parents finally left because Yukiko's body gave in, all Yusaku could do was carry her away, all he could do was hug his wife for his son was gone, they left Shinichi alone for so long, and now he had left them, all alone.

He stood there on his grave until the moon rose and Jodie whispered at him to leave, and leave he did, not knowing when or if he would ever return.

And now, magnified by his scope, he sees the same exact smile.

He pulls his hand back, his vision blurred and unstable for his left hand is shaking madly, his breathing rapid and unsteady.

Working alongside Rei, he would sometimes spy on meetings with Organization members, it’s risky business, but for some reason, Rei agreed with heavy terms. And tonight he told Akai that he will be meeting the new codename member who had killed Odagiri, coming out with this extremely bold move as if to cement his position in the Organization, showing what an asset he can truly be, what kind of strategist he is. Someone who can be a potential enemy that both the PSB and FBI should be cautious of.

…

A potential enemy.

He has Conan's smile. He stole it.

Shinichi Kudo used Conan’s smile and used it as a mask. Standing in the same room as the people who murdered his beloved Ran.

The question is WHY? Rei knows something isn't right. He can feel it, and he desperately wants to believe it. Something isn't right, because he can't do this, he can't fucking do this. It isn't right. None of this is right.

Akai hears it all from the hidden mic Furuya placed on his sleeves. Kudo Shinichi in disguise, a full-fledged codename member.

Another Whiskey. A blinding, fatal drink for those who like to tempt fate. The danger of that liquor, ironically its biggest allure.

“Hello,” That sickly smile doesn’t reach the wide eyes above it, an eerie skeleton of innocence. “My name, is Moonshine.” How polite, no one ever cared to do that, introducing yourself to wretched individuals like you’re a new transfer student in some high school class. " Nice to meet all of you.”

Kudo. Shinichi.

What deadly game are you playing, boy?

Chapter 2: Survival Instinct

Chapter Text

‘Shinichi… I don’t like this, let’s go home!’

But he didn’t listen to her, did he? That was his biggest mistake, everything that happened after was his mistake.

They should’ve just gone home, there was a goddamn murder that happened not even an hour before, and yet he was… Because of his ego, because of his curiosity which had gotten him into so many troubles in the past, it was only time till it bit him back.

(I deserve to die just as much as them.)

How tragic it is, when one of your happiest memories turns into a nightmare.

He can't sleep, he can't eat, he can't get out of bed some mornings and nothing his parents did can help him. He feels bad for them, always worriedly peeking into his bedroom, after Shinichi had skipped breakfast yet again, still on his bed, just watching the autumn days pass him by.

It's like he was shut out from the world, as if nothing exists outside of this bedroom, as if time doesn't move.

Her death coincidentally aligned with his school's final test week. If Shinichi wanted to graduate, he had to take that test but of course he couldn't. His life had completely changed and jumping back into it, all he cared about was the person lying on the hospital bed.

He used to fantasize about his life after he grew back. All the things he wants to do, all the places he wants to go to, things he wants to do with Ran after he finds a cure for her and he will find a cure for her. Look, he managed to find a cure to his impossible condition, he can find one for her too.

But it all came crumbling down.

He wanted his life as Kudo Shinichi back. And then he got it. But what kind of life is left for him? His friends will graduate soon, do they even still remember him? And his childhood love is slowly withering away.

It's unfair, isn't it? To lock yourself away like this… the only one who can get him to eat was Shiho. She comes by his house once a day, brings his dinner to his bedroom and eats there with him silently, she squeezes his hand once before she leaves, and the cycle repeats yet again. He has no idea how she's doing now, the woman he's so used to in the past now barely says a word to him because she knows he won't say anything back.

Shiho, a piece of his past and present. How long will she stay, will fate rip her away too?

It all came to an end when one day Uncle Kogoro burst through the front door, one week after Ran's ashes were buried while his own parents were away.

Uncle Kogoro who had cursed him, who blamed him for his daughter's death and rightfully so.

Uncle Kogoro who vehemently refused his presence at her funeral. Shinichi begged him to let him come but he said he would kill him if he as much as set one foot into the funeral home.

He called him a killer, a murderer.

And now he's here, body smelling pungent from lack of shower and rest for what could be a whole week straight, there's also a sharp smell of alcohol on him, not just the beer that he likes so much, but of hard liquor, no matter the type.

“You–!!”

Kogoro fell face first when he tried to run at him. Shinichi swiftly went to his side and helped him sit. He fully expected Kogoro to punch him but all he did was grab Shinichi's shoulder, shaking him hard with all the power his body had left.

“…give her back.” His voice is so faint he can barely hear it. “Give Ran back…”

And Shinichi can do nothing but wait. Kogoro kept begging Shinichi to return his daughter, to bring Ran back into his arms. He was so drunk, he dragged his feet to get here, and at that point, he was so gone that he even told Shinichi he'd give him anything he wanted.

What? What does he want? Money? He can have it all. What does he want? His life? Then Shinichi can kill him too, right here right now, take it. Just… give his daughter back…

And then he broke, he cried on the floor and Shinichi cried with him, he didn't apologize, he didn't say anything.

When his parents came home, they found the two of them still stuck on the floor. His father was the one who drove Kogoro back to his home while his mother stayed behind with him, sitting next to her son until Shinichi fell asleep from crying after staying up for 3 whole days.

Something must've happened, because the next day after Kogoro arrived, Shinichi pushed himself out of his bedroom willingly. He's not… his cheery self because that dream is over now, they'd be lucky if he'd even smile again. But he ate, he spent time with Shiho but at night… Shinichi would lock himself in the library, telling his parents that he was working and to leave the library alone. Look, both of them want to know badly what their son has been so obsessed over but seeing how fragile Shinichi is right now, they're not going to risk it.

Their son is living on the edge of insanity, it might sound dramatic to others but they were with him when he lived as Conan Edogawa for that long year. What he had sacrificed his life for… his childhood love. But in the end, all his hard work was for nothing, absolutely nothing. All that he lived and fought for died with Ran Mouri.

They're giving their son space because, at this point, that's all they can give him.

But then the next day, Shinichi comes out of the library asking his dad if he still has his old laptop and computers, when Yusaku says he does, Shinichi drags all of them back inside the library with another power outlet and locking the door, only opening it for showers, breakfast and dinner with his family (which he had started doing again much to her parents delight.)

Shinichi, locked inside of the library, has all four screens of two laptops and two PCs surrounding him. Two of them are filled with security footage, four videos per screen, another one is filled with a program to crosscheck data he compiled on Excel sheets and various flight data he could find.

Days and nights, his eyes are set on those four screens, writing, printing, making deductions and theories, trying to find a specific pattern.

He's looking for someone.

And after 5 days of non-stop searching. He has 3 potential locations where she is going to stay.

He found her. He knows he did. He spent hours doing this, he knows where she is. He knows her pattern.

He knows her.

She wasn't at the first location, nor the second, it was already midnight when he went to the third and last hotel. This is it, he will give up if he's wrong because he can't… go through that again.

He booked a room himself just to get in, throwing his basically empty luggage, Shinichi made his way into the presidential suites on the highest floor. He knows what she likes, all these little luxuries she finds on her travels and all that.

Shinichi doesn't care that it's 1 a.m. He knows that she's there, the door is going to be locked of course but he got his own card pass that can be used on any goddamn room in this place, a favour he asked from a certain someone.

So he makes his way in, it didn't surprise him when he sees her silhouette, relaxing in front of the TV suddenly standing up and pointing a gun at him. One that she slowly lowered down as she saw who it was.

A haggard-looking boy standing at the door, his eyes looking wild and exhausted, and he… he…

“Help me…”

He whispers, barely loud enough for her to hear. He smells roses as she runs towards him and wraps her hands around his shoulders, hugging him tight, he can't handle it anymore, can't keep his tears at bay…

“Vermouth…” He whimpers out, forcing his breathing to calm down as he hugs her back, hiding his weeping face on her shoulder. “Help me… you have to help me…”

=

And a week later it happened.

It was his mother who found him, screaming her heart out until his father came, trying to shake him awake but he was gone. Vermouth… made sure that everyone thinks that he’s gone.

A monumental gamble it’s what it is.

His parents must’ve blamed themselves for not seeing the classic signs. Because a week prior, Shinichi suddenly came back to his old self again. Joining them on dinners and spending time with them all day long, joining his dad in the study, going on movie trips with his mom.

A whole week with their old Shinichi back. Their son made sure that their last memories of him were the best ones he could give them.

Because it will be the last, the very last. He’s going to descend into hell, and he doesn’t want them to burn down with him. He has to sacrifice so many things, the first step being the one that hurt his parents and everyone around him, including Professor Agasa, his second parental figure, most.

Shinichi Kudo is dead.

=

Shinichi wants to bang on the metal surface, he's not claustrophobic but even being trapped in such a small space, even with an oxygen mask strapped on his face is still daunting.

Especially being left here all alone… nothing to distract him from his thoughts. He's ridiculously cold and he's been trembling for a while now, despite the whole place being sterile, he can't help but think of the other… occupants, all around him.

Even the metal slab he's lying on, he's not a germaphobe, but he thinks that being disgusted and paranoid is understandable when you're locked inside of a cold locker in a mortuary, right? Lying down on a metal slab where countless dead bodies had occupied.

What… is taking Sharon so long…

Just when Shinichi was about to press on the oxygen can again, he heard and felt the door to his locker being opened, panicking a bit because what if he's found out, where the hell is Sharon!? Sharon!? SHARON!!!

Ah, he wants to scream!

The metal slab he's lying in got pulled all the way out, Shinichi's eyes blinded by the lights, he honestly doesn't know what to do if–

Someone plucks the oxygen mask off his face and pecks his forehead. Opening his eyes, he sees a nurse with a foreign face but he just knows that it's Sharon, relaxing back from utter relief. She smiles and helps him sit up. “We have to hurry.” She whispers. “Your replacement cadaver is here, let's get you out of here, my angel.”

Shinichi is so disoriented and sleepy that he just follows whatever she says, letting her put a hair net over his head and covering his face with bandages, helping him sit in a wheelchair before pushing him out of there. He wonders how many people are working for her right now just to fake his suicide but he's too tired to care. Vermouth had looped all the cameras on the corridor to the basement so she could drive Shinichi in peace to her car.

Shinichi is a bit panicked when he sees someone else in the car but Sharon tells him that it's just the driver. She helps Shinichi into the back seat before sitting next to him, letting her silver bullet rest his head on her lap while she takes off his minimal disguise ever so slowly. “Go back to sleep, my Prince. I'll wake you up when we get there, okay?”

=

That was the most traumatizing thing he ever went through in his life, the worst thing is, after making this decision, he knows this will just be the beginning.

He still can't get all the dried glue off his body despite how long he's been in the shower, the awfully realistic wound and all the things that Sharon put on him to make him a living corpse are insane. He couldn't… move, he couldn't see or hear, whatever she injected into his body felt like he was trapped in his own body, his senses didn't work and his limbs stayed still.

It's like he's… imprisoned, floating in limbo as his consciousness moves a pendulum, voices… his parents… maybe… or… who…?

The last thing he remembered before he felt himself fully slip was his mother's warm arms hugging him close, her body shaking with panic and tears.

And in those last seconds, he wonders if he's making the biggest mistake of his life.

But… but there's no other way, is it…?

Ran is dead.

And the killers are still out there, torturing and murdering other people. Living without any consequences… living their lives as if they didn't just tear Shinichi off his own.

He's an unforgivable child, one who subjugated his parents to this fate, making them live the rest of their lives believing that they let their own son die.

…

Sharon said it would be hard, that it would be excruciating.

And when he walks down this path, there's no going back.

‘Help me, help me… Sharon, you have to help …’

Help me avenge Ran, he can’t go on like this, he has to do something. He has, he needs, to take them down, no matter the cost. Not just for him and Ran, but for others too.

And since Shinichi had failed multiple times in the past, he learned his lessons already. If he can’t take them down from the outside, there’s only one way to go.

Ripping out from the belly of the beast, burn them from the inside, one organ at a time.

Shinichi thought that he would never stoop this low. But he realized how… naive he was. No one can know, no one can understand, he and the people around him included.

They can’t understand why people do what they do. The people he himself captured and demonized. He didn’t understand and didn’t want to, he separated himself completely from those murderers for he couldn’t and will never be one of them.

See, some people do it without hearts, an assassin or people with so much anger in their hearts that they kill for the mere satisfaction of it, or, for example, people like Gin and the creatures in his organizations, killing so easily, like humans killing little ants and fireflies for fun.

And then there are others. Others wouldn’t understand. Not until they themselves are pushed to the limit, till they’re hurt like a wounded animal, cornered by fear and threats, till the mindless, animalistic survival instinct takes over.

He’s dying on the inside, his survival instinct told him that there’s only one way to survive.

He told Sharon that it was fine if she didn’t want to help him, he understood, he was not her angel anymore but all she said was that there are angels that save lives, and there’s another kind that does the exact opposite, they’re both still angels, no? Her Azrael without wings.

‘I’ll help you, my angel, to the very end.’

=

Shinichi peels off the rest of the glue, the baby hairs on his skin peeled off with it and it burns under the hot shower, he thinks he deserves it.

He finished showering, and after he was completely sure that… nothing was sticking to his body anymore, he walked out and towel-dried his body. The sink and vanity are still empty, Sharon did say that Shinichi has to buy everything new, that he can't use his old gadgets anymore, and that his precious tracking glasses and skateboard that he loves to use everywhere have to be abandoned too which made him sigh.

He's glad that all of this is still fresh and for some reason, he just can’t think about what's probably happening. If his calculations are right, his body must be in the process of being cremated right about now.

…his mother, father, his friends, everyone he knows…

Just thinking about them in the funeral home, weeping over a body that isn't–

“Shinichi?”

He turns to look at Sharon, asking him why he isn't dressed yet. He actually… Well, he doesn't really know if he even has any clothes. Sharon showed him his closet and said that she already bought some essentials for him but they would have to do some shopping after this, online shopping only for now since Shinichi has to be off the radar for 2 months at least.

He's not just going to hide in the house though.

Shinichi has told her, to the very detail, what he wants to do and if she's willing to help him.

But its essence is simple; he wants to enter the Organization.

He wants to be close to Gin.

Hatred is its own kind of love and Shinichi is infatuated by him. She wonders what he will do when that time comes, if that time ever comes. Will her sweet angel do what needs to be done? To be the bullet that pierces through his ice-cold heart?

Then, while Shinichi is putting on his clothes, Sharon goes into her room before returning, handing him a pill and a cold glass of water. “Drink this, sweetheart.” She says, giving him a white pill. “What… is this?” He sounds hesitant, look, he knows what he's getting into but he's not sure about being given unknown substances, who knows, it could even be drugs.

Sharon snorts as if she can read his mind. “Mood stabilizers, darling. You'll need it.”

…

Stabilizers, huh? Always so prepared, his eventual breakdowns included. Shinichi sighed, putting the pill in his mouth and drinking it down with that tall glass of water.

“There you go…” She whispers as she kisses the top of his head. “We have a lot to do. But first, let's eat something nice.”

Sharon cooks for him as he tries to lay on the new bed, trying not to panic as he takes in his new reality. This room is not helping though… everything is so new, so plain, so… empty. He has to get used to this now, huh…? Look at the size of this place, did Sharon think giving him a bigger place will make him feel better?

He's going to sleep here now, in a place Vermouth calls her ‘main home’ in Japan, all hidden and safe. This is where he's going to live, where he has to learn for what he's planning to do, where he has to work twice as hard trying to do the impossible without any support from anyone he loves and trusts.

‘Can I trust you?’ He asked her before they decided to do this. ‘I'm dragging you down with me, are you going to betray me?’

She didn't answer with a ‘no’ or a ‘yes’, all she said was; “You're all that I have left, Kudo Shinichi.”

=

“Sharon…” Shinichi outright whines when she goes down to the floor, pushing the bottom of his pants up to check the tightness of his ankle holster. Which is of course already perfect. Of course…

After a year of doing this,

Shinichi already knows what to do, down to the very detail.

She’s still worried though. “I just want to check.” She says easily as she rises again to press a kiss on his cheek.

God… he feels like an elementary school kid again with the way she's fussing over him. Now that she's done ‘checking’, they can finally leave now. He doesn't understand how she's still so worried, he has been shadowing her for months now.

Now that he's sitting down in the car with her chauffeur driving in the front, he does start to feel uncomfortable, like every single time he does this. Despite having used this disguise for months, it's still such a challenge to do. Deep down he wonders how Kid does this all the damn time, how Sharon does this all the damn time.

They're stuck in traffic at the moment, Sharon watches the snow falling outside, the way it blankets the world in white… it reminds her of that night, that fateful night one year ago, when she wheeled Shinichi out of the mortuary, when she helped him take the first step in his impossible crusade. All because they both love her, they love Ran Mouri more than they love themselves, is it that shocking to see them working together?

Shinichi is lazily stretching on his seat, he's been doing that a couple of times now. Wearing a corset is never fun. “You know, if it's any comfort, you make a really pretty girl, my angel.” She can't help but giggle when Shinichi grumbles.

Yes, she knows this would be a challenging part of his training but he needs to learn. Shinichi is tall but he has a lithe build, with the right type of clothes and make-up, he passes as a girl surprisingly easy. It’s not that surprising though, he passed as a highschool student in the past, and he passed as a middle-aged man just as well.

Now, being the opposite gender is a LOT of work, way more than whatever else he tried, the ‘right’ clothes are extremely uncomfortable since they have to mask a slim figure for him, but Shinichi has been disguising himself as her assistant for months now and he's already getting a hang of it.

He looks so pretty, long strawberry blond hair framing that naturally beautiful face. It shocked her at first too, Shinichi, when he put his mind into it, can slip into whatever role is necessary very, very quickly. It's a skill that takes time to learn, but a disguise is more than just an outer shell, it would be extremely awkward for a disguise this pretty to speak as informally as him, or to walk like him, to smile like him, to move like him and the list goes on.

She was extremely pleased when Shinichi said he could be ‘her’ whenever he wanted and he has the proof to back up his claim.

The way he carries himself, when he sits, stands, and walks, he changed into a new person, this Vermouth's assistant persona that's quiet, demure, walks slow in kitten heels, and has a habit of tucking her hair back with her pinky, sometimes even without his disguise, he just acts like that in public because he ‘feels like it.’ Because ‘girls get more discounts’ he said, and the fact that his coffee order always came out cheaper than the others, well, he didn’t find a need to mention it, just tucked his hair back again and gave the barista a smile. One way to save money.

It's eerie, he's doing this too fast, it's dangerous.

But alas, love makes you do stupid things, no? And he's learning this fast because he's doing it for someone he loves with all his heart, he's doing it for her , even when her soul is no longer with them.

“Sharon.”

“Hm?”

“You're staring.”

“It's hard not to, when you look this pretty.”

Yes, she thinks he's pretty alright, and as they arrive at the meeting, judging from the way Shinichi's female disguise manages to turn heads and cause lingering stares, she thinks that others do too. He's such a perfect student, her silver bullet.

She wonders what he will do now, talent and skill will only get him so far.

“Sharon, when this is over.” He gestures to his disguise. “I need your help to go outside of Tokyo.”

“Oh? And where are we going, my sweet?”

“Osaka.” Shinichi says, “I heard that… there is a plot to take someone's life in Osaka.”

“Now And where did you ‘hear’ that, sweetheart?” Shinichi gave her a look that made her giggle. Of course, a man also has to have his secrets, no?

“I need to… save him.”

“Hm. Will this give us any advantage or are you just being nice?”

“A bit of both, really.”

Shinichi is being tight-lipped about it, which means that he's waiting for her answer first before giving the details.

“Well… I suppose that can be arranged, you've been staying here for the past year, you need to practice outside of Tokyo. Maybe we should use that identity. Are you ready?”

Shinichi blinks, nodding ever so slightly.

Is he ready? He just has to be, there’s no other choice. There’s no ‘taking it slow’ in his path.

=

Shinichi takes out the pin that kept his bangs in place, brushing them out to frame his face perfectly, the copper brown colour compliments his almost reddish contact lenses. He didn't choose this colour palette without a purpose, and he refused to tell Sharon what that purpose was.

Now, his luggage is packed, all his papers are in order, all he needs to do is hop on a plane and do… whatever it is that he wants to do.

‘This is the first step.’ He said. ‘You’re the one who told me I have to find allies, right?’

“You look perfect.” She says before kissing his cheek.

“Mhmm, you think so?” He chuckled a little, asking her if he was fooling anyone with such a simple disguise.

“I told you, didn't I? Masks and make-ups are only skin deep.” Yes, that was one of her first lessons to him, she really made sure he understood that physical disguises can only take you so far, what will convince people depends on how you act, and how you perfect this new identity. How to control them, how to be them.

“Now tell me, Silver bullet,” She stares at his face through the mirror, looking at him in the eye. “Introduce yourself, who are you?”

He tilts his head and turns towards her. Answering, with a soft, delicate smile.

“Nice to meet you. My name, is Seiji Asoh.”

Chapter 3: Radical Views

Chapter Text

“Sharon, do you know, how to cripple a whole city?”

She was asking what Shinichi wants to do first, his first… big action so to speak, the thing that will set the first impression. Sure, it has to be good, but is she hearing this right? He wants to cripple a whole city?

“Hm, why don’t tell me, my love?”

“When a disaster happens, especially one of a sizable scale, the police will deploy a rapid response team. And if the disaster, whether it be man-made or natural, happened in remote, or undeveloped areas, the teams will have to reroute the victims to another hospital as fast as possible,”

“Hm, roadblocks then? On all highways maybe?”

“Not all. Cut off one of the smaller ones, the vehicles will have to reroute to other main roads and if the situation is covered by the press, it might give the government a bad rep, with the public thinking that they don’t have proper contingency plans and all that.”

“A bonus point, I like it. And then?”

“Vehicles can’t get out of the area, but other units will be deployed nonetheless, not just ambulances, there will be battalions of fire trucks and crowd control units, you might know a thing or two about that.”

Vermouth snorts and hits his arm, Shinichi referring to the time when they overwhelmed the hospital Kir that was kept in. “Well, you outsmarted that too, didn’t you? So? What happens next?”

…

“But the police can be extremely organized under the right leadership, so what should we do to maximise the damage?”

“Ah, of course, to take out the leaders, my love. Basic knowledge.”

“Yes… with the chain of command gone, others might try to control the situation by taking the place of authority, potentially creating more chaos.”

“Shinichi,” She finally sounds serious for once, tilting his face by putting her knuckle on his chin. “Are you planning on taking down a whole city?”

“No, but someone is.”

Both of them are currently in Vermouth’s house, the woman checking in to Shinichi’s room since the boy has been locking himself in there for a whole day, apparently busy with his masterplan or something along that line. Or perhaps it’s not any masterplan, perhaps he’s just desperate to distract himself from daily horrors, which are the same in her opinion.

She found him on the bed, his body probably ached from sitting too long but he still had a tablet in his hand, he offered her another with the same files opened.

There’s a picture there, the ‘chain of command’ that Shinichi was talking about.

‘Heizo Hattori, Osaka Prefectural Police Superintendent Supervisor.’

“Ah, so this is why you want to go to Osaka, sweetheart?”

“Mhmm.”

“To kill or to save?”

Shinichi blinked, opening and closing his mouth for a second before answering. “To save him.”

“By killing who?”

“I think this must be a domestic terrorism effort. Look at this.” Shinichi ignored her for now, something which she allowed. He showed her a few more dossiers. “I’ve found out that these people are targeted by an assassin syndicate, all four of them, only days in between.” Four high-profile individuals, all related to damage control. She must admit, it’s pretty risky and too bold for her liking, but it makes the job quicker though it would be far too messy to handle. Not her style, and she knows Shinichi will never come up with such a plan too. Not because he can’t, but because he won't.

“Why do you want to save him?”

“I…” He sighs loudly. “If I’m going to do this, I’ll need access to law enforcement details. The higher they are, the greater access I'll have, and I have no time to deal with a power vacuum right now. And I.” Shinichi closes his eyes, memories of him suddenly flood his mind.

A familiar, cheerful face, waving his hand at him, just suddenly appeared on his door.

‘Oy, Kudo!’

“–I just need to save him.”

“Mm… Alright then, which assassin syndicate are you talking about, my love?”

Sharon needs to check first, some of these syndicates are affiliates of The Organization, they don’t work with each other, but nobody wants an unnecessary turf war.

Shinichi showed her the syndicate’s emblem. “You’re in luck.”

“Eh?”

“Let’s just say… they don’t have the best reputation, even with people like us.”

Shinichi looks away for a second. Us. Vermouth has been trying to get it into his brain; ‘You will be one of us soon enough.’ And he still refuses to recognize that. Alas, it’s not up to him.

“They’re going to take care of the kills?”

“Yes, four in total, Hattori Keishikan will be the first target.”

“You can’t stop all four assassination attempts at once, Shinichi. This syndicate have plenty of units. What is your plan now, Angel?”

…

“Do you… know, how to cripple a whole syndicate…?”

She blinked at him, a big smile blooming on her face as she kissed Shinichi’s cheek, her angel looking forlorn, broken, helpless.

“I see you’ve found your first target.”

Yep, he had.

How do you cripple a whole assassin syndicate?

Take out the leader, and everything else will follow.

And he already has a plan to do that. A solid plan, with hundreds of contingencies.

Shinichi sighs, he's tired, he's mentally exhausted. But of course, he has a plan. He’s... her little mastermind... is he not?

=

Now this. THIS. Is what she can only call as youth. Can she even call it bravery? Mm, Shinichi is bold and reckless, but if she knows anything about this boy, is that he knows the consequences of his actions, it’s always all or nothing with him.

After Shinichi made sure that the engineer completely passed out from the sleeping pills that he swapped her medicine for, he went back to her library. “Did you bypass the security yet?”

“You have very little faith in me, Angel. Of course, I did.” She clicked on the files for him, he’s… well, he was not surprised, he knew his plan would work, but he didn’t know it’d be this easy.

Logging into the PSB’s database from one of the high-ranking engineers' own computer, Shinichi gained access to the people who are on their watchlist, and as expected, the reasons as to why they’re on that watchlist itself are listed in detail, investigated to every micro-interactions.

He didn’t even have to search for that long, he already listed a list of potential individuals who might hire the assassins to take out Heizo Hattori. He cross-checked the names of the people with those who are being actively investigated for their radical values, or people with certain grievances with government institutions. And while that narrowed down the list significantly, the result still shows too many, he needs to accurately narrow these down to at least two or three to be manageable.

Now, Sharon likes this. Just watching her little angel work his magic. He always amazes her with his abilities. She still remembers that time when they met in that hijacked bus. ‘Got Lipstick?’ he wrote. A lipstick! She was oh so curious about what that boy could do with a single tube of lipstick, an impossible task, managed by a lipstick… What a fond memory.

This is the same as that. Shinichi coming up with this strategy, just on a very massive scale… this boy, how did he even do that?

PSB resources.

He told her yesterday. It’s the most concise, accurate and up-to-date database of any potential criminals that might be connected to the Syndicate. One of them must be the one that put a hit on Heizo Hattori.

Because Shinichi understands that he can’t take down a damn syndicate in such a short time, and he knows he doesn’t have the means to arrange a meeting with them, so, rather than going after the Syndicate, he’s going to go after the people who hired them. And who else would have data on people who are extreme enough to hire their services, other than the PSB, huh?

But honestly… She was sceptical at first. The PSB? That place is rock solid, how is he going to get access to their office?

I know how they work.

Yes, apparently he does know. He knows that engineers do not have access to the database itself, but they have access to the security system. If he can open it through their own computer, if he can gain access to the system itself, delving into the database would be a piece of cake.

Now, engineers are high-ranking, sure, but they’re not going to be guarded all the time. How does he know all of this, she asked. All he said was;

I used to be friends with one.

And offer no other further explanation, which is fine, she never expected any.

“Vermouth.”

“Hm?”

“I found him.”

She smiles, pressing a kiss to the side of his temple. They left the engineer’s house exactly as they left it, she’ll wake up in the morning none the wiser.

(They could’ve just killed her, it’ll be safer in her opinion. But Shinichi of course didn’t do that, he’s her little angel after all.)

=

They found the man who had made a deal with the Syndicate to take out Heizo Hattori, and with it, they found his means of communication with them. After that, it was… No. No, it’s not an easy way, but it is a way.

Shinichi tracked the client’s office down, Sharon disguised herself as one of the assistants, giving Shinichi access to a backdoor, the boy sneaked into the man’s office and copied all the data in his hard drive.

Not even hours after they obtained the information, Shinichi is there, in their car, writing scripts for Sharon to say while she calls the Syndicate representative for an emergency meeting.

All that led them here.

In his hand, the address of the Syndicate’s leader.

How to cripple a whole Syndicate?

You take out the head of the snake, and burn its body to the ground before it can grow back.

Chapter 4: Temple Rain

Chapter Text

Vermouth said that it’s a necessity, this is Shinichi’s last chance if he wants to back out now. It’s too late for him to return to Shinichi Kudo, but it’s not too late to walk away.

“Seiji?” She asked him since he had been hovering over his target’s bed for far too long, just staring at her face, sleeping peacefully after unknowingly ingesting a sleeping pill instead of her usual prescription.

His blood froze, he’s still as a stone. That’s the only name Sharon can call him outside, sure, he can Sharon with whatever name her alias at the moment is, but he can’t. Shinichi has to make a name for himself for a certain someone to notice, and it will only work if others actually use it.

Looking down at his to be victim… She’s far from innocent, sure, but she’s still a human, guilty or not.

He needs to hurry, they only have hours to stop her plan. Shinichi came here to save someone and to… to…

He grips the gun even harder, his finger still not even hooked on the trigger and yet he’s already starting to tremble.

Seiji Asoh. She keeps calling him that. His first failure, the second person he failed to protect. Come to think of it, how many people has he truly saved, really?

Akemi. He lost Akemi, didn’t he? He didn’t get there fast enough, if he could’ve just been fast enough…

Seiji? if only he understood him more, if only he was smarter, more empathetic. He should’ve known that Seiji only wanted to be stopped, that’s the thing he ever wanted. But no, Shinichi, with all his bravado and pride, couldn’t even do that. Lost him in the sea or raging fire because he wasn’t smart enough.

And then Ran–

Ran…

Sharon grabbed his arm, she was willing to take it slow, but Shinichi had been standing still for how long now? “Make a choice, Seiji Asoh.”

And that’s why he chose his name. To be called by his name again, and again, and again. Reminding him in his weakest moment, that he doesn’t deserve to be weak, not a failure like him. And he’s reminded here, again, Seiji Asoh.

“I’m…” He had been silent for almost a whole day that his own voice surprised him. He’s not talking to Sharon. “I’m…” His finger was finally on the trigger. He’s trembling mad, thankfully the muzzle of the silencer, being only inches away from the woman’s forehead, he doesn’t have to be that steady, he knows how to use a gun even before all this, but shooting a target from far away is not even close to…

“I’m…”

I’m sorry.

His gloved finger finally pulled firm on the trigger.

…

Her head jerked once from the shock of the gunshot, her eyes still closed, the white pillow underneath her rapidly soaked in red.

Shinichi gasped, his breathing getting heavier by the second, his hand instantly went to his shoulders, as if realizing what he had done and trying to shake her awake but she didn’t move.

Of course she doesn’t!

She’s dead! She’s DEAD!

YOU SHOT HER TO DEATH YOU DEMON!

YOU KILLED HER!

YOU KILLED HER!

YOU KILLED HER, KUDO SHINICHI!

He felt himself being pulled back, someone grabbing him before he fell to his back, cradling him in her arms as she hummed and shushed him ever so softly, those eyes, light and soft looking down at him. “Breathe…” She says. “Breathe, my little angel.”

She expected a reaction but she failed to consider that he had a full-blown panic attack, the gun he used still on the bed, it’s good that he was wearing gloves because if he didn’t, he would’ve got his fingerprints all over her.

It takes minutes but Shinichi finally calms down, his breathing still heavy but hey, at least he’s not heaving anymore.

“Don’t cry.” She says, soft but firm, she doesn’t need him breaking down even more, they have a job to do. “Keep it together, Seiji, look at me.” She holds his cheek, keeping their gaze locked. “We have a job to do, you want to save him, don’t you?”

And Shinichi nods, he does… he does want to save Heizo, but…

His eyes dart to the bed, Nanami’s stiff arms hanging from the edge, Shinichi whimpered, hugging Sharon tight and hiding in the crook of her neck. And usually, she would hug him back, comfort him in any way possible but she needs his head back in place, tough love and all that, right?

“Seiji.” She peeled him off, grabbing his jaw and looking him straight in the eye. “We need to hurry, you need to keep it together, you hear me? Let’s get this over with.”

And Shinichi, after taking a few more deep breaths, weakly nods before straightening up on his feet, walking slowly to the table. Sharon looks at the corpse and uses the blanket to cover the body, making it a little easier for her angel. He’s still in shock, and probably will continue for a few hours but at least he’s numbed for the time being.

Sharon holds his arm and turns him away from the bloody scene of his own doing, grabbing the still-heated gun off his hand and clicking the safety back on. She doesn’t even ask if he’s okay.

“Seiji.” Her voice is firm enough, telling Shinichi to take deep breaths. “Let’s do it, you want to save him, right?”

And yes, he wants to save him, someone… someone important for various reasons.

Sharon already hacked into her laptop, finding the list of victims and which unit she assigned her assassins to. Yes, that woman is– was, the leader of an assassin syndicate, hired only by exclusive individuals to kill impossible targets.

It’s easy to find the one Shinichi wants to save.

“A car bomb,” She said with a chuckle. “Classic.”

Shinichi scanned for other contingency plans. God, there are 6 of them, no wonder her service is invaluable. “We…” He clears his throat, his voice as hoarse as it can be. “We have to contact three different units. Do we… still have time to do that?”

“Of course, we have 3 hours, my sweet.” More if you didn’t linger. But your first kill stays with you, she understands. “Now, do you want to dismantle the bomb while I deal with the snippers and the undercover spy?”

“…no, let’s just leave the car bomb alone, we should warm him and his team when he’s already in the parking lot.”

“My my, what a bold move, I thought you wanted him safe?”

“I want him to be safe and know how important my information was.”

Sharon smiles in amusement, ah, the things this boy will do to save this man. Not really for Heizo Hattori himself, not really.

All this effort for the first ally Shinichi wants to recruit. A dear, precious friend.

=

Vermouth hears the sound of Shinichi's door banging open again, the boy running to the bathroom at 2 in the morning, hunched over the sink to puke out nothing but bile in his stomach.

He already puked twice before, once right after they got home, once after he cleaned up and bagged his clothes for disposal. And now this. She's relaxing in her bathroom when she hears the faint, muffled sound of him gagging and water flushing the bile down, Shinichi rinsing his mouth before dragging his feet back to the bedroom.

She knows that he's struggling, but she doesn't feel pity or bad, these are growing pains. He'll have to go through them eventually.

But…

Okay, she admits that when it comes to her angels, she's being far too weak because when she hears the quietest of sobs and she's suddenly on her feet, a nightgown wrapped around her body, she makes her way to Shinichi's bedroom where the boy is cocooned under the pillow. The lump of sheets wiggles away from her when she sits down at the edge of the bed.

Peeling the blanket away, she sees Shinichi looking like a mess.

As expected, she supposes,

He just killed someone for the very first time.

He's doing better than she expected. “You keep crying like this and you'll develop a fever, and we can't have that, my love.”

“Just… leave me be…”

“I would give you some sleeping pills but I don't want you to be dependent on it. You haven't slept Shinichi, and you need to be lucid to meet that Hattori boy tomorrow.”

Sharon leaves the lump alone so she can properly lay down on the bed, peeling off the blanket little by little from Shinichi's body before beckoning him close.

Ah… her little angel of death, so, so sad…

Tugging the reluctant, sleepy, and tired Shinichi into her arms, she starts petting his hair and pulling the blanket up to their waist while Shinichi, still sobbing, finally melts into her arms.

She can't believe that she's here, hugging a boy who got physically sick after doing the unforgivable, knowing that he will have to do way more in the future.

But eventually, Shinichi falls asleep, cushioning his head on her arm and face tucked on her chest, just right under her chin.

She's fighting tooth and nail not to squeal, it's like she got a little baby of her own, it would've been so cute in a different situation, but knowing that they're only cuddling because he is on the verge of a mental breakdown and has literally no one else to go to is making this whole situation less sweet. Oh, well. At least he's sleeping.

=

“I'm not interested in hearing the reason of a murderer.”

“Life doesn't belong to anyone, it is something precious that shouldn't be taken.”

“You need a reason to kill but you don't need a reason to save someone.”

A life is precious. No matter how evil a person. No matter how wretched.

That was his principle.

“Shinichi…?
What did you do, Shinichi…?”

“Kudo. What have you done.”

=

It would be so easy, give the boy some more stabilizers and some sleeping pills and he'll be ‘fine’, but she knows if he became dependent on them, he wouldn't be able to survive on his own. So, no, even when he fell asleep in the tub, she didn't berate him for staying up all night long. It was out of his control anyway. He kept having nightmares of what he had done, anxiety about his future and what he would have to do.

But it worked, didn't it?

Taking down Nanami Fujii and exposing her syndicate to the authorities made an impression on others. Sharon told Shinichi to drain Fujii's funds to make it look like he did it out of selfish reasons, that he wanted her money and that's it. That he isn't some vigilante, that he did it purely for money. Because he needs to be a criminal, a heartless thing that is favoured by people of her kind, while vigilantes are just an annoyance.

She thought that at least, seeing the amount of money he has after one kill would please him the slightest bit but of course she was wrong. Her angel doesn't care about money, her angel not only killed that woman but his own principle, pieces of Shinichi Kudo being eroded bit by bit by his thirst for vengeance.

It worked and if he continues taking down big names, and with Sharon's way of influencing the course of information and rumours, he might get the Organization's interest in no time.

She knows what they like, ruthless and smart is the ideal kind, but showing impatience could be its own kind of charm, because when selfishness and impatience are mixed, it shows immaturity. And immaturity means a lack of threat. A child makes less of a threat. And that will make Shinichi attractive to the higher-ups, a smart kid who wouldn't be mature enough to handle the pressure of the responsibility of being in a higher position.

Sharon knows all this, Sharon can give Shinichi this, but it's up to the boy if he can handle it or not.

One kill and he's acting like a zombie. Maybe she should space out the fatal missions and make him destroy something else, a high-ranking NGO maybe? A section of an NPA perhaps?

So many options, they'll talk about it later when Shinichi isn't far too glum.

Today Shinichi will meet with his first potential ally, that Heiji Hattori boy. She was sceptical at first, because, being a high school detective, what would stop him from turning against Shinichi? Especially after faking his own death, wouldn't the boy felt betrayed already?

“It's a gamble.” She said.

“Everything I do will be a gamble.” He replied.

Sure, something in her wants to accompany him but no one can know that Shinichi is basically Vermouth's apprentice, no one can know that Vermouth is connected to ‘Seiji Asoh’ and so unless it is completely necessary, they shouldn't be seen in public together without a disguise.

No bodyguards, no guns, Shinichi wants to show Heiji who he is under all of Seiji's existence, and the only way to do it, is to revert to how he was before; vulnerable.

=

His rapid footsteps echo in the hospital hallway, Heiji rushing inside Heizo's hospital suite.

“DAD!”

There, his dad is lying down still unconscious with an IV on his hand, a bandage on his head and a plethora of tegaderm on his chest and back. But nothing major. All his injuries are from the force and small debris of the explosion but not the explosion itself.

“WHAT HAPPENED!?’

He basically screamed at Otaki out of panic. Sure he knows he needs to be more composed but his dad almost got blown up into pieces here.

“Ah, Hei-can… Car bomb, we got an anonymous warning so we got out of these just in time.”

“Do we have any idea who did this!? Security cameras?”

“They're all wiped clean by a virus.”

As soon as he heard of the explosion, he quickly got someone from the force to secure his house to protect his mother before rushing here as fast as he could. “How's he?”

“Knocked out from the blast but he won't have any lasting damage.”

Heiji visibly slumps in relief, sitting down on the chair next to the bed, face in his hand and he just… “We have no idea who did this, huh?”

And the answer is no. Especially not this early.

In the following day, Heiji skipped his classes to stay with his dad, college can wait, there's something way more important.

His dad has a high position so having enemies is a given but to get past security? To plant something so effectively?

But then there's also this call, an anonymous call to the precinct just a minute before his dad would step into the car, who is this person and how did they know? The early investigation of that recorded call bears no fruit as well. The voice is distorted and its pace artificially manipulated so not even a computer can track its speech pattern, this isn't that caller's first rodeo. Hell, they might even be affiliated with the bomber, is this their game then? Pretending to save his dad to… what? There haven't been any demands as of yet and they can do anything but wait.

That morning he came in to visit his dad, there were some bouquets sent just for formalities of course, his dad was already lucid but the doctor insisted that he stay because they wanted to monitor his head damage, making sure that it didn't damage his retina in any way.

He's sleeping now and Heiji doesn't want to wake him up so he just stays there, reading updates of the investigation Otaki sent him. It's so frustrating that he can't–

Wait…

Heiji stands up, something about one of the bouquets just seems… odd.

You usually send lilies or tulips or some basic bouquets from the florist. But there's this one…

It's a bouquet of bright red roses.

And sure, they're only flowers and he might be thinking too much into it, but roses are usually associated with romantic feelings, right? Displayed so beautifully in an elegant black vase, Heiji carefully plucked out the small envelope hanging on its stem.

He opens it slowly, rather than the ‘get well soon’ card, this card shows a picture that makes his eyes bulge out.

A cicada, a tengu and a goldfish on the fifth row,
A chicken, a leech and a strange dot on the fourth row,
And between the second and third row, there is a violet, another tengu, Mount Fuji
And on the side, an acorn.

A riddle that he knows the answer to, something his father wouldn’t understand at first glance but one that he understood instantly not because of the simple nature of it, but because it’s a riddle that he had solved before. One that he solved with a certain someone years ago.

Knowing what it meant instantly, Heiji, with gritted teeth crushed the picture before running out, in minutes he was already on his motorcycle, speeding out of there with a vengeance, straight to the Gyokuryu Temple, that faded place from 3 years ago.

=

It’s raining heavily, the road has become slippery but he does not care. Parking his bike, he made the long hike up to the temple. Memories follow his every footstep. Of Kazuha, of Taiga Saijo, of…

Walking through the gate, the fire pillars extinguished, the wet soil staining his shoes a deep brown. He’s drenched from head to toe, his hat being the only thing that’s covering his face, keeping his face dry so he can see straight at the figure standing in the middle of the Temple’s courtyard.

Wearing a thick, long black coat, holding a black umbrella, it looks like he’s been here for hours now and he probably has been.

Hearing Heiji’s footsteps, he slowly turns around.

Raven hair, raven eyes, pale skin and an unreadable gaze.

His eyes widen at the person’s face.

A ghost, a dead man, ashes buried in the ground, tears shed during his funeral as the same face that was framed in the funeral home now looking straight at him.

“Why.”

He didn’t answer.

“Why did ya come back?”

=

He sent the card and wondered if his friend would notice. It’s foolish to doubt him of course, he was his rival was he not? A detective on par with him, maybe even better now. Shinichi drove himself up to the steps of the shrine, an umbrella in his hand to shield himself from the drizzle that had been falling since morning.

He did nothing but wait. Nothing in this shrine had changed from the last time he was here. Still abandoned, yet still standing strong. It’s foolish to expect something to change, it’s only been 3 years after all.

…

He keeps reminding himself, it’s only been 3 years, and yet it felt so much longer for him. Feels like… years since he died, feels longer than a decade since he saw something of his past, to meet someone of his past.

Footsteps signal the arrival of the man he contacted, an invitation in the form of luscious red roses.

“Why did ya come back?”

“Hattori…”

“Shut up. Tell me why did ya come back, Kudo?”

Come back, huh… “You didn’t believe that I died?”

“Asshole, of course I didn’t.” Or, at least he refused to, he refused to believe that Kudo Shinichi had died and left him alone, and see. Because Kudo has always been proud about not letting anyone die, talking about how every life is precious and all that, refusing to accept any other reasons and yet that’s exactly what he didn’t wasn’t it? Slicing open his own wrist, taking his own life.And for what?

“I thought ya wanted to leave everythin' behind.” He continued. Heiji truly thought that, after seeing how hard Shinichi fought back then, when he got his body back, everything had changed, and the only hope he had, the person he loved most, his whole motivation to fight that Organization died shortly after he gained an antidote, like the last insult from fate. And he figured that it got too much, that maybe he needed to run away somewhere, anywhere and yet…

“And yet ya came back.”

“I needed to do that. I–”

“ ‘That’? Kudo, what ya fuckin' did was fool everyone who ever cared about ya and left, and for some fuckin' reason, here ya are. Answer me, WHY!?” His hands balled into fists, his eyes just– the eyes that were locked with Shinichi now filled with anger, and more prominently, hurt. Just pure agone, hurt because of what his friend did to him, what he put him through.

“I had to die, Hattori, I had to–”

“Is it because of Ran?”

Shinichi closes his eyes.

“It is, isn’t it? What're ya doin' then, Kudo? Revenge?”

“Yes.”

His answer is swift, there’s no need to hide from Heiji, there’s no use, his friend will see through him instantly. And why lie about the exact thing that he wants to…

“I can’t believe ya pulled that off, Kudo. Faked yer own fuckin' suicide, disappeared for 2 damn years and now ye're here– Ya called it in, didn't ya? The warnin'?” He nods, keeping silent since it’s not his turn to talk, what he says will not matter anyway. “How the fuck did ya know 'bout that!?”

“Someone put a hit on your dad.” He answered. “Part of a bigger plot, your dad is not the only one but he was supposed to be the first.”

“The first– what 'bout the others then?”

“It’s taken care of, at least for now.”

“How'd ya stop the bomb? How'd ya know?”

“I stole the information from the executive.”

“Yastole it…”

“…Yes.”

Heiji takes a step back, he can’t help it, his friend, Kudo Shinichi…

He killed them.

…

“Why?” It’s not about the bomb this time, no, despite it all, despite all the help he gave, Kudo still killed a person.

…

“Imprisoned in that body, Hattori. Imagine if you were me, when you come back, they killed Kazuha while you can only watch…”

“…That’s still no excuse to take a life! Ain't that what ya said to me!? I just don’t understand that feelin' of–”

“And I hope you never will.”

Shinichi wants to sound all firm, but his voice is so quiet that he sounds meek, he just sounds… tired. He wanted to sound strong like he’s turned into a ‘the end justifies the means’ type of person but he can’t because he’s not. And yet. “I hope you never understand, I hope you’ll forever have some resentment towards me, I hope you think I’m weak, that nothing I do is justified. You can hate me, Hattori, but please…”

He takes a deep breath, feels like he’s stuck in this perpetual circle of asking for help for something he himself can’t handle.

“Hate me, Hattori, but please… Help me.”

Help me. He says, his eyes sincere, Heiji knows that look, those eyes, they belong to Shinichi and it scares him, because this person really is Shinichi.

Shinichi takes a few steps forward, he expected Heiji to step back, or to just straight up leave. Maybe he’ll want nothing to do with him. Someone who betrayed him, someone who is now an actual killer.

But Heiji stays, Kudo merely a step away from him, tilting his umbrella to shield both of them from the freezing rain.

He closes his eyes as his coat suddenly soaked to the bone. Heiji’s clothes, heavy from rainwater, his wet sleeves soaking Shinichi’s clothes as his best friend wrapped his arm around his body, enveloping him in a crushing embrace, a tight hug made from 2 years of anger and longing.

Heiji, who’s shivering from cold, finally feels warmth for the first time even if just a little, from Kudo’s fresh tears dripping down his cheek as he tucked his face into the crook of Heiji’s neck.

=

Heiji leans back down on the Temple’s pillar, letting out a smoke from the freshly lit cigarette, both of them now shielded from the rain as they sit on the dusty floor inside the long-forgotten place of worship.

He let out an amused snort when Shinichi offered him a cigarette, apparently tucked in his waterproof messenger bag. How fancy. Hell, even his cigarette is fancy, heavy cloves that burn the roof of his mouth.

“Ya said ya wan' my help, tell me what it is then. Kudo, did ya help my dad just so ya can get to me?”

“I saved your dad because he’s your dad. I’m not going to let him die no matter your answer.”

His best friend tilts his head and Shinichi can just see the gears in his head turning. “Are ya saying that he’s still in danger?”

Shinichi opened his messenger bag and fetched a ziplocked pile of hardcopy files, huh, that’s why he brought the waterproof one.

Heiji watches his hands with a hard stare and Shinichi, already influenced by his new lifestyle, just assumes the reason why. “No guns,” Shinichi said, assuming that’s what Heiji is wary of. “I didn’t bring any weapon with me.” Just to solidify his statement, he tugged his pants up to show his bare ankles before pulling a plastic file.

What? “I… wasn’t expecting ya to...” What the hell is wrong with you, Kudo...? Why did you just assume that he– But Heiji decides to brush it off for now, taking the files that Shinichi pulled out of his bag and looking over them one by one. They’re all concise versions of case reports. “The people your dad captured and put on trial. They’re far too powerful, Hattori, after the stunt I pulled, they might lay low for a while but these people spent their whole life waving their web, he’s NOT going to be safe, ever, until he lets these people walk. Which I know he will not do.”

“So. Ya'll protect ma dad if I help ya?”

“I’ll help your dad regardless.”

“Look, just to be honest here, Kudo. This sounds too easy, what’s the catch?”

“We were friends.”

Yes, they were, and in these last year alone, each and every wretched deed he had done, each worse than the other, he thought about the people of his past, reminding himself that he had friends, that he had a life, a life with Ran in it, a past with Heiji in it.

‘No guns. I didn’t bring any weapon with me.’

Something about that sentence just doesn’t sit right with Heiji. See, he remembers it, Heiji remembers, quite clearly even, since the last 2 years of his life were filled with him. He remembers what Shinichi said to him, something more of a question. When they knew a culprit would try to kill herself and they prevented it.

‘Have you ever… killed a person?’

…

“Don't ya think it's ironic, Kudo?”

“Ironic?”

“Do ya remember? Back then, ya said that we, as detectives, should always stop people from committing suicide… despite us being the ones who pushed them to that point. I asked ya, wouldn't it be better to let 'er die? I wondered if it would've been mercy, knowing now that she was in prison for life. No way to reunite with the dead.”

Yeah, he remembers. Of course, he does.“I do.”

“And yet that was what ya chose to do, that's how ya killed Shinichi Kudo. Ya coulda faked yer death any other way. Coulda pretended to be distracted and died in a hit-and-run, coulda died of an illness, maybe one similar to Ran. But no, ya chose the way ya force people to abandon.” A hypocrite, Shinichi can read between the lines. “Why, Kudo?”

“Because back then I didn't understand.” His answer is swift, it's painful. “I do now.”

It feels so cold.

Heiji is soaked from head to toe, shivering madly and he’s oh so cold but it’s more tolerable than the feeling of their conversation right now. They used to be so close, their conversation used to be so light and natural. Now it feels like they’re walking on eggshells with every sentence, as if one wrong word and the other will disappear forever.

“If ya wan' me to help, ya have ta tell me everything. Those're my terms, tell me what ya did, what ye're going to do, and why.”

Shinichi contemplates it for a while. As if he hasn’t sinned enough. He killed Nanami, and now he’s going to drag Heiji down with him, potentially making him a target if something ever happens to him. But…

“I just needa know, Kudo. I needa know if I can trust ya.” Like before, like I trusted you all those years ago.

“I know…” But will he still trust him if he knows? Will Heiji help him then? The monster that Shinichi is going to become.

“C’mon, Kudo. If ya can’t even do that, then I won’t help ya, I don’ want nothin' to do with ya anymore.”

Shinichi closes his eyes, his head thumped on the pillar, the cigarette between his lips burned from how much he was sucking in the smoke before breathing them out in a mix of frustration and grief.

“Alright.”

=

Hours they spent there, Heiji listening to him talk, his plans from start to finish and what he wants to do. All the wretched things he planned just to gain a certain someone’s attention.

“Gin.” He said. “I need him to see me.”

…

“If I give ya wha' ya want, ye'll leave my father outta this, yeah?”

“I swear I’ll keep him safe.”

“That’s not–” He groans, rubbing his forehead in a weird form of frustration. It’s so disorienting to hear Kudo of all people saying that he’s going to be the one that protects his dad. Back then, they were just a pair of high-school detectives running around while his Father was a whole Superintendent Supervisor, and now Kudo is saying that it’s he who needs protection? And that it’s Kudo who can protect him?

But then again, Heiji doesn’t have the advantage that Kudo has, no one does. Taking down that Syndicate’s leader… murdering her… He now has access to all her clientele, all the data of who is going after his Father and the others. Shinichi told him that he had shared the rest of the information anonymously through trusted agents, he also shared whatever he had, that he himself hadn’t taken ownership of, to the counterterrorism, organized crime and homicide units. Heiji worried that it could be traced back towards him and Shinichi assured him that it wouldn’t, and even if one of their analyst and engineers managed to track him down somehow, they wouldn’t find Kudo Shinichi, for Kudo Shinichi was dead. Instead, they will find…

“Seiji Asoh.” He said. “That’s my name.”

“Asoh? Why Asoh?”

And Shinichi didn’t answer.

This whole thing… this double life, this secret identity, a life of crime filled with murder and deceit. This is NOT Kudo Shinichi, his best friend didn’t do this. It’s this other person, Asoh, Asoh did that, not him. He…

“Is there still Shinichi deep inside of ya, Seiji?”

Shinichi just nods, he doesn’t want to explain himself again and again. So he just nods. He’s still in there. He never left.

Heiji stares him in the eye, sighing.

Leaning forward, head thumping on Shinichi’s shoulder, feeling the heat of his body, pretty much alive, Shinichi Kudo still alive, recruiting his best friend into his unholy crusade to avenge his stolen life, his past, that was ripped away from him, and to avenge the death of his childhood love who died for nothing.

“And imma sure of it.” He whispers against his neck. “Imma sure ye're still in there somewhere, Kudo.”

=

“So, the boy agreed?” Sharon asks while she combing his hair down. Shinichi doesn’t have to go anywhere for the next two days, so she’s planning to mask the hell out of it tonight, gotta make sure it doesn’t fall out from all the dye he’s going to use for a long, long time.

She’s already started applying the oil while Shinichi is using an eye flush, sitting in front of her vanity, shirtless so he can wipe any beauty mark he covers with makeup. Yep, Sharon said he can’t be too careful.

“More or less, he doesn’t have to know everything…”

“Mhmm, don’t worry, he won’t hear anything for lil ol’ me. Or anyone else for that matter. Good job, by the way. You got a way in now.”

“You do understand that he’s not going to kill anyone for me, right?”

“His father is the Superintendent Supervisor, my love. I can only wish to have a son of someone that useful in my pocket.”

“Like I said–”

“What do you have in your hands, my angel?” She cuts him off, not really interested in his excuses. Shinichi has his tablet on his lap, scrolling over dossiers of newly promoted high-ranking policemen in his father’s unit. He told him that he’s not going to hurt them, he just wants to know who’s threatening them, why they’re even threatened, what they know, how important they are, and the list goes on and on. Okay, so, maybe Sharon is right, without Heiji’s help, he wouldn’t have this kind of access to such a protected database, but he’s not going to make Heiji hurt any of them of course.

That’s… his job.

“You know, my love.” She whispers, seeing that his face is just so forlorn, she thinks he can do with a little good news. “You got some people talking, taking down that Syndicate.”

She said, massaging his temple with a soothing balm. Shinichi blinks, right, that’s what he wants is it not? To be noticed, to want a certain someone to notice him.

“What did they say?”

“Do you really want to know?”

Shinichi sighs, looking away and taking almost ten minutes before nodding.

‘Killed her in her own bedroom.’

Shinichi closes his eyes as Sharon starts listing them one by one.

‘Got passed her security. How?’
‘Gave all the information to the police, how clever, letting the dogs do his job for him.’
‘Lil Lady must’ve done something to piss him off.’

And what got to him was the last one, arguably the most important, the start of the ripple effect.

‘Who is he?’

=

“You don’t have to do it again if you play your cards right.”

Sharon is ‘teaching’ him how to drink hard liquor, whiskey in particular, he has an inkling that she’s doing this to try and knock him out since he kept getting nightmares of killing Nanami. He still thinks to this day that Shinichi’s choice of killing someone he knows, someone he respected to a certain degree, was a foolish one.

The leader of the Assassin Syndicate was Nanami Fujii, someone whom Shinichi had met during his time as Conan. He just… couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw her dossier.

She went undercover and was aboard the Aegis Vessel where another case was happening. He would’ve never thought that… she just looked so clean, so upstanding, but in the end, she just wanted more information about the Japanese vessel.

Nanami asked him back then, who he really was, he wondered if he told her, would he be able to shoot her? Knowing that if she just opened her eyes… he would’ve seen the 7-year-old boy from before? What would she think of him then? She was a leader of an assassin’s syndicate. While Shinichi Kudo, that child, turned into this?

And in his nightmare, he would tell her again, and again, and again…

‘I’m sorry, Nanami.’

See? Sharon truly believes, because she knows from experience, that your first kill will stay with you forever, you can try to forget their names and their faces. But it will never go away, like a relentless virus in his body, it will sicken him the moment his immune system gets weak. It’s the same here. He knows what she looks like, this Nanami Fujii.

Sure, it’s not the only reason, but he’s really just asking for it at this point.

“What do you mean I don’t have to do it again…?”

“You don’t like pulling the trigger. And I doubt you will ever grow immune to it, that’s just who you are. So spare yourself that one thing. You’re a strategist, my love. A detective, you can see through any moves and create countless contingencies to even the most impossible scenarios.” Right, she still remembered how he successfully faked Akai Shuichi’s death, it took Bourbon, the man who was obsessed with him, to grow any kind of suspicions and even then Shinichi managed to outsmart him. He played them for fools that night. “And the mastermind rarely ever has to get his hands dirty.”

…

“That’s really not as comforting as you think it is, Sharon.”

“Oh, but is it not better than the alternative? Don’t be a romantic and punish yourself for everything, you’ll still have to do worse, spare yourself of the physical part of it.”

Shinichi groans because deep down… he does like it more… the thought of not having to pull the trigger… Maybe he can even fool himself at night, maybe the nightmares won’t be just as bad.

“Oh, and there’s one more thing.”

Of course, there will be more, these things will never end. “You really need to know how to flirt.”

Shinichi almost spits out his goddamn liquor, this shit that tastes like fucking gasoline and he doesn’t know how anyone can like it, Sharon finds that amusing. He’s going to be named after a liquor anyway! How could he be named one but doesn’t know how to drink one!

Ugh, it was easier as Conan because at least back then he only had to endure fucking orange juice.

“It’ll be fun! You know how to act cute already.”

“I do NOT act cute!”

“Of course, you do! You were adorable when you wanted free coffee.” She thinks that it’s adorable how he’s panicking, she knows that Shinichi’s love for Ran will never waver and he might never fall in love with anyone else again, but he does need to know how to fake it. “How did you think Bourbon got that far, hm?”

“Well, Amuro-san is handsome.” Up to this point, he still hasn’t revealed Furuya’s real identity and isn’t planning to, Shinichi trust Sharon with his life, but not with others.

“Exactly, and you’re handsome too! But don’t turn into him completely, I don’t like him.” Yeah, that much Shinichi knows. “So, what's your plan now, angel?”

“Did you get what I asked for?”

“Of course! How could you expect less from me.” Sharon hands him a memory card that he plucked into his tablet, Sharon bending down and curling her arms loosely around her precious Prince. “Just like what you wanted, right, angel?”

Shinichi sighs, deep and exhausted before nodding. “Yeah.”

A list of assigned victims.

A politician assigned to Stout, a professor assigned to Rosè, a cop assigned to Aquavit, and so on and so forth. And Shinichi will have to– He'll… he has to…

“Do this, and you'll be an apple in his eyes, my angel” Sharon says, as if to comfort him. It does little but it's better than nothing.

…

She sighs, turning his chair around so she can see him face to face. “I told you in the beginning, that it will be excruciating.” His eyes flutter and he looks away, only for her knuckle to tilt his chin back in place. “It's too late to stop now, Shinichi.”

“I know… I just–”

“You reap what you sow, my angel.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek, the lavender hue staining his cheek. “So let's reap.”

=

Shinichi sees him approaching from the corner of his eyes. Working together yet avoiding each other. Sometimes their eyes meet and their gaze breaks easily, casually, just a second or so later. No one can know, the police shouldn't but even more so are the people Shinichi wants to trick, these men dressed like crows, they should never know who is helping him, another shadow in his solo stage.

Shinichi needs his help, but he will never, ever, let them touch Heiji.

“Hirota-san?”

“Yes?”

Shinichi hears his name being called. Or hers, to be exact. Shinichi's current, and longest disguise as of yet, the one that still confuses Heiji even until now.

His current disguise is one of a woman, long black hair done into a neat half braid with bangs, her skin a lighter shade and her eyes with different coloured contacts.

Heiji thinks he’s pretty, he’s not going to say that to him of course.

And ‘Hirota’? He deduced that Shinichi would name his disguises based on people he knew, people he deemed he failed to protect or killed in his crusade. An endless reminder of his failures and sins, something to anchor him by, to hear those names echo back at him. And this one isn't any different.

What's… puzzling is that some of his victims had a brush with the Organization one way or the other, what if they noticed? His ‘real’ name is Seiji Asoh which does not correlate whatsoever. But what about the others, hm? He's playing with fire yet confident enough that this won't hurt him. Is it not odd?

Heiji hands Hirota, a simple CSI intern working in the precinct, a lone report of a case file he just cracked. This is easier, they want to keep their communication through devices as minimal as possible, phones can be tapped and emails can be hacked, but he's just handing Shinichi an encrypted file that he can easily crack.

The fact that Shinichi, the now-criminal that he is, is hiding in a goddamn police precinct, hiding under their noses, Heiji isn’t sure if he’s bold or he’s just stupid.

“Thank you, Hattori-san.”

She smiles, soft, demure, it makes his skin crawl.

Masami Hirota.

As Heiji drives away in his motor, he wonders who the real owner of that name was and what Shinichi did to her that led her to her doom.

…

Deep down, Heiji also knows that he’s staining his hand with blood by helping Shinichi. All the information he gave him? The one he can obtain in his own ways? Will probably end up being used as pieces of information of some kind of… plan in his long road of revenge. Who knows, the file he delivered to Miss Hirota today could be a piece of an assassination plot that Seiji Asoh will commit.

But Heiji thinks of Kazuha, what he will do if they kill her, if Kazuha dies for nothing, if his life was turned upside down and he lost the people precious to him.

He still truly believes that what Shinichis is doing is wrong, that he’s sleeping with the enemy to get what he wants.

How far will he be willing to go…? This love in the form of pure hatred. He just hopes that… when all of this is over, which who knows how long that will be, Shinichi Kudo will still be there.

And Heiji had taken up that mantle to make sure that that will happen, that when this is all over, he’ll drag his best friend back from the grave, he’ll dig him up with his bare hands, bring him back to life for the second time.

He loves Kudo Shinichi, not romantically, but not all love should be romantic.

He realized his feelings when they met again under heavy rain… when those raven eyes pierced him straight through his heart, this anger and love in an equal manner messing up his brain, cutting off all logic and filling him with hope, no matter how misguided.

And as much as he hates to admit it, he’s not immune to that saying; ‘You do foolish things for love.’ What he’s doing for Shinichi, just like what Shinichi is doing for Ran.

Chapter 5: Second Head

Chapter Text

“Have you made your decision, my angel?”

Shinichi reads through the long line of victims and one of them in particular catches his eyes.

‘Good choice.’ Sharon said when she saw him focusing on a specific dossier just a little too long. ‘Gin especially hates those kind of people.’ Shinichi huffs. Oh, he knows, alright, seeing the danger that Furuya Rei has to dodge every single day, he knows Gin hates police dogs the most. He detests double agents but there are double agents that don’t belong to law enforcement, some of them can be of rival institutions or individuals with a personal vendetta, those people he somewhat tolerates more, but cops, oh, his blood boiled at the mere thought.

Name: [UNKNOWN]
Affiliation: NPA
Codename: MEZCAL

“And you’re absolutely sure that he turned?”

“Oh, yes. I don’t know why, but he turned into a mole.”

Perhaps he grew a consciousness? Shinichi rolls his eyes, as if. There must be another reason, but he’s too exhausted to even think about anything other than the impending doom that he has to do, knowing that there’s only one way of getting rid of Mezcal. And he’s…

“Though from what I heard, he had escaped overseas?”

“Cambodia.” Shinichi opens a tab on his table and hands it to Sharon. “He was granted immunity.”

“Oh? And how did you know this?”

“Hattori. A few of the higher-ups in the list he gave me are assigned to plenty of escort missions, it’s pretty easy to discern which ones are true escort missions and which are mere fronts just by the length of duration alone. And one of them just got transported overseas, no other information is available even in the data he gave me, so I assume that I need a higher clearance, and his file is the only one that needed a higher clearance.”

“Mhmm.” She kisses his cheek, seemingly satisfied by his little investigative work. Then she stands up, patting his shoulders and makes his way out of his office. “I guess we’re going to Cambodia then, pack light, my sweet.”

“You’re coming with me?”

“Shinichi.” Oh, he hates that tone, feels like he’s getting scolded. “There’s no way around this, do you understand? None.” Because she knows if she’s not there, this little genius might try to do something stupid like faking Mezcal’s death.

Shinichi knows that it’s not the best idea, Gin is incredibly sharp, if Shinichi manages to get his attention but then he finds out that he ‘stole’ the Organization’s, Aquavit’s target and then lets the target live? There will be trouble. And Sharon can’t have that. If she has to be a mother hen, then so be it.

=

“Where did you learn how to do that, my love?” Sharon asked when Shinichi planted bullet after bullet in the target dummy’s chest and head, right at the target. Shinichi is not an incredible marksman or anything, but the boy can shoot, and for now, that’s good enough for her.

“Hawaii.”

“Are you ever going to tell me about that trip?”

“No.”

=

The first thing he does is not track the target, but track Aquavit herself.

“She’s been here for almost a month,” Shinichi said, frowning. “Why?”

“She likes to play the long game, and it always worked up until now. What’s your plan now, sweetheart?”

“What can you tell me about her?”

“Hm… She has always kept to herself, she’s used on a short, case-to-case basis, so no infiltration, no long-term assignments. Like our lovely Chianti.”

They need to move quickly then, tailing Mezcal is not her MO, so why–

…

Wait.

Shinichi has a bad feeling about this, he has some kind of guess, some kind of intuition that maybe…

He kept silent, doesn’t want to alert Sharon of this information but there might be a chance that Aquavit is also a NOC, assigned to Mezcal to protect him from other members that might be assigned to him.

His mind went to Amuro-san, then to Akai-san, what they would do if someone like Shinichi figured out their cover, what should he do if… But no, there’s no way that Sharon will make him touch someone as exclusive as Bourbon knowing that Shinchi, as Conan, had a rather close relationship with Amuro for whatever reason. And Kir too…

At that moment Shinichi realized that his little vendetta might not be the only mission that he was going to pursue. Yes, he decided right there and then that while he’s here, while he’s trying to infiltrate this place. He will do whatever he can to also protect Amuro-san and Hidemi-san.

But for now.

“Let’s find Mezcal then…”

“Oh? You already know where he is, Angel?”

“I have an idea.”

=

Vermouth makes his way to Shinichi, she could see Mezcal on the ground, shaking at the barrel of this unknown boy's gun.

The man had tried to run away when he saw Vermouth approaching, deep down, he wondered why the Organization would dispatch someone as high-ranking as Vermouth to him of all people, and when he thought he finally got away, his route was cut out by a boy who almost ran him over with his car.

This unknown boy, red-brown hair and with similarly reddish eyes, stepped out and followed him, all slowly with the gun in his hand.

This boy… he had never seen or heard of him before, he followed Mezcal through the bunkers. This is one of the sadistic ones, huh? Purposely letting him run around to try and escape in a little cat-and-mouse game because… what? He’s bored? If he’s here to kill him, why not do it already?

He turned around the corner, he could see the lights of his car not too far from there and he thought he could just make a run for it only for the boy to fire his gun, the bullet landing just a step away from him, warning him to stay put.

Little does he know that Shinichi has been following him without killing him because he’s panicking on the inside, trying to prolong the inevitable because he doesn’t want to shoot his fucking gun, he can’t bring himself to, but… but he also can’t let him get away.

Mezcal turned around to come face to face with that boy.

“Are you done, my dear Seiji?” Vermouth says, walking out of the darkness, she has been shadowing him this whole time, letting her angel do what he wants, then leaning close and pecking the unknown boy's cheek.

“What's wrong, Seiji?” Her voice is melodic and soft, a tone Mezcal had never heard from the mysterious Vermouth before. “Why are you crying?”

Because Shinichi is crying, plenty of tears are gathering in the corner of his eyes turning his vision blurry, his hand shaky and his finger on the trigger is too weak to pull.

She doesn't blame him though, Shinichi always gets like this when he has to do things by himself, way more used to being behind the scenes, turning his victims into percentages and mere names so he can sleep at night, which is why he can't sleep at night, which is why Vermouth’s stabilizers are needed.

He's crying because he doesn't want to do this,

All the way from the hotel to the stake-out house he chose to tail Mezcal to the bunkers, Shinichi had been feeling a debilitating migraine forming.

‘The sooner the better, sweetheart.’ Sharon had said, and she’s right of course, the moment he’s done here, he can go back to the airport and leave. Words will go around quicker than wildfire, that someone has killed the informant, yet absolutely nothing was taken, the boy just laid the body there to bleed, decomposing until someone found the corpse.

That says something, that the killer is not doing this for money, and the killer is not a vigilante or anyone who works for law enforcement, based on the lack of other reasons, there’s only one explanation left.

Whoever killed this man, he’s doing it for attention.

It’s a pretty on-the-nose, killing an Organization member’s appointed victim for nothing but to show that; ‘Hey! I did it! Me! Do you know who I am?’

After a while, Sharon let out a big, irritated sigh.

“Don’t expect me to do this whenever I come with you, sweetheart.” Vermouth takes the gun from his hand. “You need to learn how to do these things yourself, Seiji, I can't keep spoiling you like this.”

But she's a weak woman in the end, seeing her prince crying because he had to kill hurts her heart, so she beckoned him into a hug, letting Shinichi hide his face on her shoulder, his body jerking in place when he heard the loud noise of a gunshot fills the air.

‘You need to learn how to do these things yourself,’ She said. Shinichi whimpered, hugging her fully as if he'd disappear in her arms and he could pretend all of this was just a nightmare.

“Don't cry.” Vermouth likes to spoil and dote over Shinichi, but tough love is love in the end, and Shinichi will have to descend lower into hell, he can't run from this anymore, his fate is sealed. “Next time, you have to do this yourself.” She clicked the safety back on and secured his weapon in his holster.

“Remember why you're doing this, Seiji.”

She wiped his tears again and again because he does remember, he is reminded again and again. ‘Seiji Asoh.’ Remember why he's doing this for.

Ran. I'm sorry.

Seeing the boy wipe his tears and make his way back to their car, Vermouth wonders when Shinichi will finally snap out of it and accepts the truth.

The truth is, he’s not doing this for Ran, he’s doing this for himself.

Her little angel, Ran Mouri is… dead, she’s dead, nothing he’ll do will bring her back. But he wants revenge nonetheless, he needs to right the wrong that took her away from him. He needs to do it for himself. He needs to avenge her because that’s just what he needs to do.

And Vermouth sees nothing wrong with that. She already lost one of her angels, if this is what Shinichi needs to survive, she’ll happily let him live in bliss.

=

‘The corpse was found by the midnight patrol, all the surveillance cameras were wiped clean, despite not being reliable, a few witnesses came forward saying that they saw what looked like a man with red-brown hair and skin paler than what the average locals, he drove out in a car along with another woman, slim with block bob hair.”

“I want a name. And make it quick, Aquavit.”

“Roger, Gin.”

=

Shinichi scrubbed his skin till red the moment he arrived home, Sharon had to meet with someone and couldn’t accompany him which was better in his opinion, because she gets worried easily and Shinichi screaming bloody murder until his voice cracked and his throat got sore would obviously alarm her.

He doesn’t want her hovering over him or even comporting him like she likes to do. He just wants to be left alone, banging his head on the shower tiles at Mezcal’s face haunts his waking hours. The sound of the gun firing, the smell of gunpowder in the end, the nonchalance with which Sharon did it, and the way she scolded him for not being able to pull the trigger himself.

He didn’t pull the trigger yet he killed him anyway. He tracked him down, he drove them there, and he let Sharon take his gun and kill him, it was his bullet that pierced through that man’s skull. It was… his, his, his…

…

Sharon is right, he can’t fucking do this. No matter what she says, he can’t pull the trigger, if she wasn’t there, who knows if he could’ve done it or not? Probably not, right?

He can’t do this. This isn’t going to work. This…

Is there another way? Is there…

There is.

It’s a long shot, but perhaps he can ask for her help. Perhaps… she will understand. She knows, right? What if feels like to lose someone to the Organization?

She…

He hasn’t seen her in more than a year.

Forget about help, will Shiho ever forgive for what he did?

=

Sitting in the back seat of the Porsche 356 A, Vermouth exhales the cigarette smoke without even rolling down the window. “Aha, so, it’s true then.” She hums. “Somebody took a bite of Aquavit’s target before she could? And what do you want from lil’ old me, hm?”

“This thing,” Gin starts. “This annoying thing will do this again.”

“Oh? And what makes you think that?”

“I have an idea of what this little thief wants.”

“Please, do enlighten me.”

“When he steals another one of our targets, I want you to investigate.”

A subtle smile blooms on her face. Gin didn’t answer her question, but it’s obvious that he’s intrigued. See? Her plan worked, their plan worked, at least this ‘thing’ got Gin’s attention

And Gin, he has an idea of what this ‘little thief’ wants, the only thing she has to do is keep the fire lit and watch as the coals smoke.

Hm. Shinichi gets what he wants, but that also means he has to take the next step urgently. She wonders if he’s ready. If he can take another life again so quickly and how he plans to do it.

His third victim.

Chapter 6: An old friend's pain

Chapter Text

Sometimes, Shinichi wonders if he still knows what the right thing is.

Not if he’s ‘doing’ the right thing, because all things considered, it is not in any way ‘right’. But he wonders if he still fully understands what the ‘right thing’ is. Because if he still knows what’s right or wrong, he should be able to know where to draw the line, right? And yet, here he is, waiting to do another thing by–

“Hirota-san?”

“Ah–” Shinichi clears his throat. “Hattori-kun?”

“Ye’re here early.”

“I just want to make sure to be on time, is all.” Shinichi gives him a smile; soft, almost always a little bit aloof, that’s Masami Hirota’s smile. Her smile. The smile of the disguise he’s wearing today. It still throws Heiji off-guard, seeing Kudo disguised as a woman; long hair, fake heels and all.

They’re meeting each other today to talk about the aftermath of his previous target, Mezcal, and if the police had, or are planning on investigating it. It wasn’t even Shinichi who suggested it, it was Heiji, so now they’re lounging in, ironically, the only place that Heiji knows will be bug-free, which is his own apartment.

“Sorry to keep a lady waitin’.”

Shinichi snorts, walking in first, Heiji locking the door behind them.

“Ahhhh…” Shinichi almost kicked off his shoes, stretching out his toes and legs. “God, Hattori, do you know how much these things hurt?” He drops his softer voice and uses his real one, unbuttoning the top 2 buttons of his blouse as he makes himself at home, already walking down the hall of this sizable, comfortable apartment. “Kazuha will be upset at you for bringing another girl home.”

Shinichi completely missed how Heiji twitched, how his eyes fluttered before he got himself together.

Though he is still disoriented, even more now that Kudo had dropped a side of his persona, now sounding exactly like his old self wearing Hirota’s female face, it’s even creepier, but somehow he still feels more comfortable with his real voice. And wow, those prosthetics are so realistic, because why is his fake chest look so, um, natural, he knows that Kudo unbuttoned his shirt to make it the slightest bit easier for him to breathe, and Heiji would rather be beaten to death rather than confessing that he finds his fake body relatively attractive, because isn’t that the whole point of that disguise?

“Yeh, things with Kazuha has been a lil’...”

Shinichi blinked at his forlorn tone, oh no. “Did something happen?”

“I, uh… Ya know what, let’s not talk about it.”

Shinichi’s brow twitched a bit, he won’t tell Heiji this, but before Shinichi told Sharon about his close relationship with Heiji Hattori, she even suggested that Shinichi try to cripple the Osakan police as his first big move, he doesn’t need to kill, but enough to plant a seed of doubt in its local institution. Shinichi refused, saying that he knew the higher-ups in that area personally and would not touch them. ‘For now.’ Sharon added, she seemed so cheeky, as if she knew that he would change his mind later on.

And since she’s usually right, Shinichi hopes to go that that theory is one where she’s wrong.

“Tell me?”

…

“So, I got somethin’ I wanna show ya, Kudo.” Heiji ignored his question completely, fair, whatever business Heiji has in his daily life, he’ll share when he wants to, if he even wants to.

Shinichi followed him to his computer, hovering behind him. “What am I looking at?”

“M'kay, so, I want ya to focus on this roster right here,” Heiji said, he has a whole spreadsheet of police officer's schedules and that made Shinichi frowns. He doesn't know Heiji can do that… Didn't know Heiji could be this thorough if he wanted to.

“I dunno what shit ya pulled, Kudo. But I swear to god, I've neva seen ‘em workin’ like this.” Heiji points at one column and then to the next, showing how the different district suddenly starts pairing officers together.

“They're doing cross-region cooperations now?”

“Uh huh, just what did ya do, Kudo? They gon’ on full alert now.”

Wow. What a question, huh? Shinichi straightens up, crossing his hands, his finger tapping on his forearm anxiously.

…

“No.”

“Hattori…”

Heiji closes his eyes, leaning back against his chair as if he realized what he did and his part of it. Kudo's silence is an answer in and of itself.

He killed someone.

And he did that only by the information he himself gave him…

“Is it… one of the police officers, then?”

“An informant. A defector from the Organization.” At this point, Kudo had told him everything he knew about the Organization already, but to hear how Kudo actually… to actually have direct contact, to actually…

They stay silent for a while, and it's suffocating.

“How are ya, kudo?”

Eh?

“I know you ain't gon be alright in the head after ya did… what ya did. So, I'm askin’ again, are ya alright?”

…

“No. But Hattori…” He feels weak, honestly he just feels… perpetually exhausted, leaning against the wall, he just gives Heiji one of those smiles that never reached his eyes. “What choice do I have, Hattori?”

And to be frank, whatever reasoning Hattori can think about, whatever alternative he can come up with, Kudo must've come up with it too and decided that he can't do any of that.

“Ya can't handle it.”

“Yeah.”

“So ya must be plannin’ on doing something ‘bout it, right?”

…

“Something like that. I can't tell you yet though, but… I'm going to contact… someone…”

Another ally then?

“Ya can't pull the trigger can ya?”

Hattori… sometimes Shinichi hates the fact that Hattori is just as sharp as he is, that he could easily see through him. “Can’t use a gun, that’s why ya tryna recruit this other ‘person’?”

…

“Yeah.”

Heiji scoffs, does Kudo approach people just so he can use them now?

No, he knows that deep down, one of the biggest reasons why Kudo came to ask for his help, is that he misses him. So this person he’s looking for must be someone from his past. Using the process of elimination, he started wondering who that person might be, and he instantly came up with a name, but Kudo wouldn’t say it and he knew there was no reason to push it out of him, his friend was defensive enough.

“And, Kudo?”

“Hm?”

“Are any of these people yer next target, then?”

Shinichi tilts his head in surprise and curiosity, what does Heiji mean by– oh…

There, on the screen, is a list of people that… his Father is working with. Heizo Hattori is working with, he–

“Dad don’ know.” Heiji says. “‘Was just curious why ya want a list of people who came in contact with the names ya gave me yesterday. Dad thinks they’re all clean, can’t find any crimes under their name too, so, what gives?”

They’re not clean, obviously, if they’re on this list.

It’s a list of Tech company CEOs, all competing in the same field, one of them is called Sun Avionics, they had managed to gain significant success compared to their rivals because of a constant undeclared revenue stream. And Heiji assumes that…

“This Company is on the brink of bankruptcy. That got anythin’ to do with it?”

“Yes, the CEO, Sasaki Shachou, has been taking loans from the Organization for years, and up until now, has been paying them regularly, but as his business grows, he thought he could just cut off the Organization’s influence. And, since I’m here…”

Right, so, he’s next on Kudo’s hitlist then?

He feels sick to his stomach.

It’s really hard to do this, seeing Kudo dressed up as a woman he never met before, talking about targets and their backgrounds as if he was the one who was targeting them in the first place. And the fact that he himself is going to help Kudo complete his mission? Help him… Kill?

“Something is bothering me though,” Shinichi said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“What is it?”

“I have… suspicions that Stout might be a NOC.”

“A what? A NOC? A Non-official Cover?”

“Yup, that’s the one. I just find his attitude a bit odd, he’s a hitman, so why the subterfuge…”

“A hitman.” Wow, Heiji is just getting increasingly uncomfortable with this topic, “Do ya think he’s tryin’ to save Sasaki? Why?”

“I don’t know if he is a NOC, maybe I’m wrong, but if he is and he’s trying to fake Sasaki’s death, it might be because his institution has high stakes in his Aviation company. Not… necessarily the man himself.” Right, they’re protecting his identity, the power that’s attached to his name, not the man himself; not his life, just his power. How bleak.

“And what’s yer plan?”

“I have a few, but if he is a NOC… and he let a mark get away…”

He doesn’t have to finish.

If Shinichi can pull this off, that thing that he wants, the attention that he wants so much, he’ll get it.

Heiji knows that there’s this plan that he can choose; if Stout turns out to be a NOC and he’s going to help Sasaki Sachou escape, if Shinichi managed to kill Sasaki and Stout… If he can give to the Organization one of their traitors on a silver platter. If he can– If he–

“Oy, Kudo?”

Shinichi gasps, didn’t realize Heiji was holding his hand until he instinctually rips it away from him. He takes a step back, it feels like it’s burning, it feels like Heiji’s touch is…

“Yer panicking.”

I’m not. He wants to say, but he finds that he can’t even speak, looking at Heiji with rapt eyes, the man who stood up from his chair, catching him before he fell and carrying him to the sofa.

“It’s all right, just let it all out.” He doesn’t try to comfort him more, just letting Kudo catch his breath and slump on the sofa.

It’s hard, seeing him like this. Heiji stands up and hands him a couple of tissues, Shinichi dabbing it on his face, careful not to wipe any of the make-up off.

“Put yer shoes back on.”

“…I’m tired Hei–”

“We’re gonna get somethin’ to fucking drink. Gonna get ya drunk outta yer goddamn mind, c’mon.”

And both of them know that it’s wrong, that this is a gateway to alcoholism, drowning not just sadness, but stress and actual panic with liquor. Heiji has something going on with Kazuha, he’s also struggling with the fact that he’s actually helping Shinichi kill, just because they’re friends, just because he understands the pain he’s in and if he can’t give him a smidgen of relief, then so be it.

But is that it? Is that the only reason why he’s helping him?

Yet his pain is nothing compared to what Kudo feels, right? He has to be the one to… What? Pull the trigger? He can’t do it the last time, how is he going to do it now?

But they’ll think about that later. Now, Heiji is dragging Kudo to a restaurant he likes that offers a private room, ordering food just because they need something in their stomach before downing beer and sake. Just a stressed-out young detective drinking his problems away with some random girl. What a great duo.

…

“Kazuha…” Seems like the alcohol loosened his tongue exponentially, because hours after they got here, Heiji couldn’t keep himself from telling Kudo what happened. “Got shot.”

“Wha– WHAT!?”

“Yea… Got… Got fucken’ shot… like, two weeks ago… I just finished crackin’ a case, the damn killer ran away in ‘er bike, was ‘bout to follow ‘er but Kazuha fuckin’ jumped behind me, the victim’s a friend of hers so she got on my bike, just yellin’ at me to drive, and it’s not like I coulda talk her out of it, ya know… So I chased ‘er, cornered ‘er. Then… she pulled out a damn gun… It was for me but ah… Kazuha… jumped in front of me… got her leg shot straight through, she passed out instantly… the killer got away, the ambulance took Kazuha away and…

“Her dad… won’t lemme see ‘er… blamed me for everythin’...”

Shinichi listens, and he listens, and he wonders how Kogoro would’ve reacted if that happened to Ran. That man… Shinichi destroyed him too, didn’t he? Last time he checked, the guy turned a total drunk, even worse than before, Aunt Eri is the one paying all his bills and expenses, but he’s not even working anymore, the detective drinking his days away and passing out at roads at night.

All because Shinichi wasn’t good enough. All because Gin poisoned them.

Gin…

Oh, Gin…

He wants to meet him so badly.

“Did she… try to contact you?”

“Uh’huh, Dad blocked my number– probably destroyed her phone or somethin’, transferred her outta the damn hospital, I dunno where to, my dad won’t tell me nothin’. Hah… dad…” Heiji scoffed under his breath, letting out a sarcastic laughter, a pained laughter… “Been two years since ya saw me, Kudo. He still treats me like shit, got even worse, I dunno why, but proly ‘cus I refused to join the Police Academy and he just… So yeah, he’s still my dad, but… Ya know, why he gotta be so…” Heiji shrugs, finishing another bottle of sake, already ordering another one, two, three more, one for the pretty lady here.

“And… Kazuha can’t… find a way to contact you? At all…?”

“C’mon, Kudo, she know nothin’ about how the damn system works, her dad fuckin’ hates me, yelled at me, tellin’ me to stop playin’ detective and put people in danger ‘cus I can’t do anythin’ right…”

Shinichi hums, he doesn’t know what to say, and by now, he knows that listening can be the same as comforting. Heiji poured him another drink. “What is it…?” Shinichi mumbles. “There’s more, isn’t it?”

…

“Bullet ricocheted in her calf before exitin’ the other side. Ripped her muscle and cracked her bone.” He gulps down a ridiculous amount of drink before continuing. “She won’t be able to walk right ever again, Kudo…”

Ah… Shinichi knew it was not just the shot that made Ginshiro Toyama snap, her daughter is a 2-dan in aikido, she’s an active girl who enjoys strenuous sports and activities, she still… has her whole life in front of her, even if she’s only got a limp, she’ll probably going to deal with chronic pain all her life, she has to learn how to do everything again if she wants to regain her old lifestyle. And she’s only 20.

He knows, everyone knows that it’s not Heiji’s fault, but when your daughter is hurt, the anger has to go somewhere, and Heiji Hattori is just right there.

“I’ll proly ain’t gon see her again.”

“You will.”

“Heh, how posi–”

“She’s still alive, so you still have a chance, there’s still hope, there’s still time…”

Heiji blinked, a few seconds later he raised his choko, letting out a huff as Shinichi did the same, downing down another shot of alcohol.

=

Heiji has no fucking idea how Shinichi does it. He woke up in his bedroom practically dying from a hangover while Shinichi apparently already left, how he’s not puking his stomach out is beyond him, he also left him a message telling him that he grabbed the flash drive on his way out and that he’d contact Heiji later.

And Heiji, while drinking the hangover medicine he learned to make from his mom, starts thinking about how Shinichi is going to contact that other person.

…Whatever, his role is done now, he can only wait for Seiji Asoh to contact him again. Probably after he took another life, probably after he got what he wanted. If he managed to seduce this person called Gin, with the scent of blood.

Chapter 7: That woman's name

Chapter Text

The sound of a train passing by loud in the air. And yet, she arrived as if this place was a graveyard. Not a soul passing, not a sound of anyone in the air. Someone cleared out this station, she doesn't know why or who, but something brought here, an invitation she can't possibly decline.

It started 3 hours ago,

When she was busy in the university's lab, the other graduate students worked silently next to her.

“Agasa-san?”

“Yes?” She frowns as her colleagues hand her something, an envelope? “Ah, I'm sorry, but did you see someone dropping this off?”

“No, but it's addressed to you.”

Shiho makes a small ‘huh’ sound before telling the others that she's going to take her lunch break. She carries her lunch to the bench in the quiet garden outside, setting the box aside as she examines the letter carefully.

To: Akemi Agasa

It's written in english in beautiful cursive, there's no return address, and it's wax-sealed, something extremely odd in this day and age. She knows she ought to be careful, but her curiosity gets the better of her and she slowly opens it, careful not to rip the envelope.

She unwraps the letter and–

To: Shiho Miyano

She almost threw the paper away right there and then. She feels nauseous, her whole body trembling at the thought of them finding out who she is, the Organization seeing through her disguise so easily despite her moving away and keeping a low profile.

They haven't found out that Ai Haibara was Sherry, they haven't made any move to investigate Professor Agasa, so why!? How!? She only wanted a name she could cherish but she can't even have that!?

The shock makes her want to cry on the spot, because this situation also reminds her of…

Him.

He, whenever she would panic, whenever she would fear for her life, he would always… always…

‘HAIBARA!’

‘I told you, right? I'll protect you, Haibara.’

‘Don't run from your fate, Haibara.’

Her hands on his shoulders, or him holding her hand, he would stand in front of her, like a physical shield between her and the world. With him, all the time, every single time, she’s saved, she will be safe. But he’s not here, and she’s nowhere near safe.

She subconsciously grits her teeth, trying to mentally calm herself down.

She's fine. She's safe. Everything's fine.

She's wearing his glasses, if she's wearing them, nothing can ever hurt her.

…

She's already making plans in her head since she has become somewhat of an expert in hiding, especially since Kudo is gone, the only hope for her survival is to hide, her ‘fate’ now is just to hide.

But she forces herself to read the letter. Because… why send her one? If Gin… Gin… She knows that he's sadistic, but he must be so fed up with her right now that if he knew where she was, he would've just killed her already, so…

She braces herself, opens the letter, hunching up to shield the letter as if someone is looking over her shoulder.

“I have to apologize to you, Ai.”

Something slipped from between the fold.

Her fingers… tremble, she feels cold, she feels an emotion she had never felt before. A mix of all the negative things a human heart can feel.

Disbelief. Hurt. Confusion. Confusion. Confusion…

Because that ‘something’ is a ring.

It's a Bell Tree Express Mystery Train Pass ring.

“I'm in that place where we were supposed to go.”

It can't be.

Under it, there's a train ticket, a time, and a reassurance.

“I'll be waiting for you, nothing else.”

=

This could be a trap, and yet she boards the train anyway, she leaves her lab without offering anyone any explanation.

The sender sent multiple tickets, one if she chose to go today, one if she chose to go tomorrow, and multiple others as if the sender already knew of her schedule, spending all that money to give her options, and still also told her that nothing will happen to her if she declined.

But she can't. They know she can't. Because…

Ai.

No one called her that anymore other than Professor Agasa, ever since she went on the run, she kept contact with him but only with the utmost caution. This must be sent by someone from her past Haibara Ai. And there's only one more person from that past that knows her.

She arrived two hours later. The ticket brought her to Nagoya, to the original destination of the Mystery Train. If the Organization didn't attack her, if none of that happened. This is where they would arrive.

The station was abandoned, she could feel eyes on her, her body trying to walk despite the pain shaking her body.

Those eyes are hard on her but don't feel threatening, a few more eyes from people who do very little to conceal themselves. Bodyguards, perhaps? But they're not… them. It only solidifies her suspicions but it can't be true.

She arrived at the intersection of the stairs, right in the middle of the arrival platform.

Raven hair and raven eyes, her golden irises locked with his. She wondered if she was already murdered and didn't realize it, if this was nothing but a limbo, a plain between the living and the dead.

And she stuck here with him?

“Shiho?”

No. That voice sounds so real. It sounds identical to the man she knew from before, she absolutely despises how it calms her down in a weird way. Because she knows when he's around, she will be safe, that he will save her, keep her alive, no matter what.

But how is he going to keep her alive, when he's already dead?

“Shiho?”

And her legs move faster before her head can catch up, her canvas bag bouncing as she runs in her short heels, when the man meets her halfway, whispering at her to be careful, to slow down, while he's whispering, she raises her hand;

Her palm hit his cheek with all the power she could muster, she struck the man who was pretty much alive, she hit him, pushed him away despite running towards him seconds before.

“Shi–”

“ARE YOU REAL!?”

She cuts him off before he can utter another word, she doesn't care of what he has to say, all she wants is a yes or no.

“Yes.” He answered. “I'm real.”

He's alive.

Shinichi Kudo, whom she cried and mourned over, is alive.

Another train passes them by, none of it will stop at this station though. She’s wary of him, a ghost from her past. “You’re dead. I saw your corpse, I saw your– your ashes, I saw you buried, I saw everything, I saw–”

Shinichi let her speak, he didn’t say a word and she might as well be talking to a ghost because her rambling is unending but this man is not saying anything.

“Kudo– SAY SOMETHING!”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care if you’re sorry!” She stomps towards him, hitting his chest as hard as she can, frustration and anger coming out of her in waves until Shinichi catches both of her wrists to stop her. He’s doing this for her, he’s fine standing there being beaten to a pulp, he deserves it, but Shiho doesn’t want to hit him, she’s just… just…

“Someone helped you…” She’s not stupid, she knows that Shinichi faked his death and she also knows that he couldn’t have done it alone. Someone must’ve helped him, but she has an inkling that he won’t tell her because– “What do you want?”

“Shiho…”

“IF YOU’RE HERE! YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT!”

Because he’s been gone for 2 whole years, yet he had no trouble leaving her in the dark. Now that he’s here. He must have–

“Help me.

“Shiho… Please… Help me.”

The tone of his voice, something she had only heard once before, one of despair.

She had only heard that once. It was when Shinichi was on his knees, begging Uncle Kogoro to let him in the funeral home, he was bowing till his forehead touched the concrete floor, crying, just… begging, to see his lover’s ashes one last time only for Uncle Kogoro kick him away viciously. He was about to kick him again and again if he was not dragged away by Yusaku and Takagi.

And that’s the painful part, isn’t it?

They’re not even officially lovers yet, Shinichi never got the chance to confess to her, he never got the chance to tell Ran Mouri that he has been in love with her since he was a child. He didn’t even get to tell her for the last time that he was truly sorry.

Ironically, just like today, it was Shiho who was by his side, who managed to peel him off the floor and back onto the Kudo couple’s car, it was she whom he cried to for the whole day and night. He couldn’t see her, Ran was buried and he couldn’t even see her one last time.

He couldn’t even see…

…

Deep down…

She knew that she was part of the reason why her sister was killed. Akemi was trying to buy their freedom, and if she wasn’t there, Akemi would’ve probably broken free, with the help of that devil of a boyfriend that she had. Does that mean she was at fault for her death too?

Shinichi likes to think of himself as the bullet that killed Ran. If he didn’t bring her there. If he didn’t snoop around, ‘playing detective’ as he did, she would’ve been safe, alive. And yet his curiosity doomed him, his curiosity poisoned his body, running around as Doctor Agasa’s grandnephew trying to find a cure for one whole year, suffering for one whole year and all for nothing…

“Tell me…” She mumbled, her eyes slowly closing when Shinichi stepped closer and slowly, those warm, familiar arms curled around her body tight, just like what he always did when she had a panic in public, when she woke up from a nightmare, when he saved her from imminent death many, many times. Conan’s embrace. It calmed her before, but now it pains her to the bone.

“Kudo Shinichi…” Shinichi’s hands tightened, his heartbeat quicked, he’s afraid. “What have you done?”

She pulls away from him then, taking a few steps back just as before, as if she needs to put a distance towards them according to Shinichi’s answer to her question;

“How many times…”

He knows what Shiho wants to ask… Or. Is asking. He knows, but how–

“How many times have you killed yourself?”

Eh?

Shinichi frowns. “My…self?”

“I know people like you, Kudo-kun.” She stares him in the eye as if… challenging? No, it's nothing negative. Understanding, but not in an approving manner. “When you pull a trigger, your shadow also pierces a bullet through your heart. That's why it hurts so bad when you kill. So tell me. How many times did you kill yourself?”

Another train, just like the bell tree, passed them in an instant. It gives him an excuse not to answer, an excuse that passed by in seconds.

“Nanami.” He starts, eyes staring down at the train tracks. His mind starts to wander to another scenario, one when he doesn’t leave this station forever. “Mezcal.”

Wait– “Mezcal?” Shisho asks, more surprised than not, as if convincing her that she heard something wrong. “Codename Mezcal?” He didn’t answer her, instead, he continued with a name that’s–

“Akemi Miyano.”

She froze. Her eyes wide, her blood, it feels like it has now chilled to ice.

“Seiji Asoh.”

And,

“Ran Mouri.”

Five times he killed himself, five times he suffered to death. And it won’t be the last.

=

“These are virgin?”

“I've had enough of the real thing,” Shinichi mumbled as he sipped on his mocktail. Sharon keeps making him drink liquor, even the fruity-looking ones taste like shit, it's like drinking vanilla, they smell great, you'd think they will taste like ‘vanilla’, but it tasted like a weird bitter concoction instead. Mocktails though, are tasty. Shiho stares at her drink before taking small sips.

They're sitting in a hotel suite, apparently the one Shinichi already booked regardless of Shiho's answer. But since Shiho agrees, he's sharing it with her now.

Earlier, in that station, after a long, empty silence, Shiho asked him,

“Revenge?” She sounds defeated. “That's all this is?”

And he should’ve been offended, no? The way Shiho worded it, it sounded like she was belittling him. And yet. “Yes.” He answered. “That's it.” His lone, selfish reason.

There was a fire lit yet again inside of her, like coal that never really went away, she still hasn't stopped blaming Shinichi for her sister's death, but deep down, she knows that it's not his fault, and that her anger can only be subjected, truly and fairly, to someone else.

And the way, her only chance of getting that life-long desire, is standing in front of her. And so, she agreed. With just a single nod, she agreed, knowing that all he would do was drag her along with him.

She has an inkling that she's not the only one that Shinichi had roped into, she wonders who else has he… recruited on his crusade?

And, like he can read her mind. He said,

“Hattori gave me this list.”

Hattori? Heiji Hattori? The high-school detective? His best friend?

“Shiho, do you a member called… Stout?”

Her eyes lock on his she leans back on her, truly taking in the person in front of her right now.

It's Kudo.

It really is him, Kudo Shinichi from head to toe. “What do you want with him?”

“I know of NISD.” He said, Shiho's body stiffened and her eyes widened as saucers, her hand balled into a fist, trembling. “What are you planning, Shiho?”

“How!?”

“I just…” Shinichi sighs, rubbing his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I was wondering… if you were still… researching about this stuff…”

“ANSWER ME! HOW DID YOU KNOW!?”

“Because I know you!”

He doesn't want to raise his voice but he does, not because of anger, but because he feels vulnerable, guilty. “And I know that deep down, you can't just sit idly by, it will torture you. Letting go will torture you. And so I did a little digging, if you're really clean, I wouldn't have approached you. But I saw the orders you put down, it's not hard when I know how you work. How we– used… to work.” Trying to get supplies for her antidote research wasn't easy, they had to be creative, putting down orders by different names and filtering their information so many times that it would be impossible to be tracked back to them.

I know you. He says. I know us.

NISD is her new research, a poison based on belladona plant variants, and knowing Shiho; how fast she works, how efficient and meticulous she is. She must've come up with a perfect dosage. Usable. Available dosage.

“Kudo Shinichi.” Her voice trembles, taking deep breaths as she, yet again, stares at this man in disbelief. “Is this why you approached me?”

“…yes.”

And no.

And Shiho knows it, but it's better to be unsaid. What happened between them, it should remain unsaid.

“Before I agree. Tell me about your plan first. If it’s not going to work, I don't want to see your face ever again.”

Once is too much.

She can't see him buried twice.

=

‘Das’ all I got on Sasaki Shachou.’ Heiji, voice coming out of his left speaker, says. ‘Can’t dig in more if I don’ wanna get people suspicious.’

‘He’s heavily guarded.’ Shiho’s voice filters from the speaker on his right. Heiji still sounds hesitant with her here, but Shinichi convinced him that she’s an ally, and he… knows that she was Kudo’s friend, and she’s his, uh, ‘friend’, by proxy, but it’s still a bit weird, he’s literally talking about crime here. ‘I don’t think you’re going to get anywhere with Stout being assigned to him.’

‘Yeah, Sherry Lady is right, so there’s only one way, right??’

Shinichi closes his eyes, his fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose until it’s a bright shade of red.

See, here’s the thing.

He understands both of them. He knows that Shiho is not above killing, she would’ve murdered people in the past to get to their goal if Shinichi didn’t stop her every time. And Heiji? Well, he wouldn’t pull the trigger, but he has this… almost nonchalance to death that he doesn’t personally care about. A part of him reminded Shinichi of himself long ago, when he saw death more as a case he could solve, just another puzzle or code to challenge himself with.

But look at him now, all his previous beliefs burned bit by bit like a raging fire. And maybe he deserved it. To be burned alive. Just like him.

‘Asoh!’

“I– Right, yeah, sorry.” Shinichi dozed off there, yes, Heiji calls him by his cover name, for their safety of course, that’s why Shinichi insisted on distorting his voice, just like how Shinichi calls Shiho ‘Sherry’, since, according to her, Sherry is already a traitor anyway.

‘Get ya head back in the game, the hell’s wrong with ya.’

“Sorry, I– yeah, sorry. So, Stout will be our main target for now.” He clears his throat after saying ‘target’, his stomach hurts, he feels like he’s going to puke. “I… already have a plan.”

‘Are you serious, Asoh…?’ Shiho asks, Shinichi can only sigh, nodding as if they could even see him,

“I’ll contact both of you later with the details.”

‘Okay.’

‘Stay safe, man.’

Leaning over her angel, Sharon hums as she observes Shinichi works, making contingency plans after contingencies, just finished a voice call conference with both that Hattori boy and… Sherry.

A few days ago, when Shinichi came back and told her of someone he recruited, Sharon had to swallow down all her feelings. This is his first rodeo, she's not going to interfere or help, him in any way. He needs to do this himself.

Heiji Hattori had helped him track down Sasaki Shachou, who, according to Shinichi, is a key witness and CEO who is valuable to the MI6, and that he's pretty sure that Stout is a NOC.

Sharon quickly shut him down earlier, saying that Stout can't be a NOC, but Shinichi knows better, everything he observed from Amuro can be seen in Stout as well. Sharon eventually relented, Shinichi was extremely careful not to accidentally give any knowledge that might lead to her suspicion towards Bourbon. But she has enough to sway her belief in Stout's loyalty.

Sharon pressed her knuckle on his chin, tilting Shinichi's face towards her. “Now, tell me about this plan of yours, my angel.”

=

Stout will come first, he'll have to come first, he may not be Shinichi’s main target, but Stout has another purpose.

His death, his… body.

Is an invitation.

An invitation in the form of a slain NOC.

And Sasaki-Shachou as the final price.

A gift to be given to that special someone, hoping that he will accept it, hoping that he will take the bait.

If what Shiho says is true, then Shinichi will have to die again. Twice in a row.

Chapter 8: Little Thief

Chapter Text

“Why…”

Shinichi has no answer for that, he watches as the man sitting in front of him across this small round table coughs out his liquor, one that’s sweet, almost far too sweet, Shiho did say that NISD, her poison, would smell sweet.

“Why did you do this, kid…”

He still has no answer.

But then, the man, the NOC, despite heaving out his breath, actually chuckled. He reached forward, Sharon was about to step in but Stoud did nothing but drag his thumb across Shinichi’s cheek, wiping off the tears that had poured down his welling eyes.

“So you’re… one of those people, huh…?”

He has no idea what ‘those people’ meant, what kind of person is he supposed to belong to. But, despite the lack of explanation, after a while, he understands anyway. A killer, the one that always wishes they are not.

Stout continues to cough, his hand falling to the table, his vision swimming, he could feel iron in the back of his tongue before he coughs out the blood, feeling himself… drowning from the inside out.

Then Stout grabs his hand, seemingly accepting the impending doom, then he smiles at Shinichi, something that makes the boy’s breath stutter. “Just promise me something, kiddo,” Shinichi can't… pull his hand back, it's dangerous but he can't, his eyes fixed on this man who's coughing blood, life draining out of him faster than sand between fingers. “I know… you did this for something… so if you manage to get to him . Show… him no mercy. He's not a human,”

And, after a pause, he added. “None of us are…”

…

And Shinichi finds himself holding Stout's hand in return, the tears dripping from his chin to the table, he squeezes and holds them with both of his, keeping them in place as Stout convulsed and choked and finally…

Vermouth watches as Shinichi's cries get louder and louder, pressing the man's limp hand to his forehead like a prayer, chanting apologies unending.

It's such… a human thing to see? Cold-blooded killers have surrounded her for so long so to see someone crying over a kill is almost, well, she wouldn't use these words out loud but for her, it feels refreshing.

Shinichi sits there until Stout's body slumps down, turning absolutely still, until he limps onto the table and yet Shinichi refuse to let him go.

“He's gone, my love.” Despite his silent protest, she peels his hand away. Before Vermouth could drag him out, he apologized to Stout one last time as he searched around his body for any identification and found his badge.

…MI6.

So his suspicions are right, MI6 was about to fly Sasaki-Sachou out to the UK, if he's already carrying his badge, that means he wasn't planning to come back and that means… Whatever Stout's real life outside of his job was, if he had a family or friends, he would've been able to return, and yet Shinichi put an end to that. He robbed this senior agent of his retirement. He robbed him of his life…

Folding the credentials, he shoved them into his pocket, schooling his expression just like she taught him how to and then following Sharon out, her dressed as his ‘bodyguard’.

This time, as he exits the empty, private restaurant and into the parking lot, he lets the cameras capture him, knowing that the Organization will get to the recordings before the police can.

And then, just for a split second, Shinichi looks straight into the security camera that can't pick up his tears, that cannot see the redness in his eyes, the only thing it can pick up is the cheeky smile on his lips as he walks away.

‘Do you like it?’ His eyes said.

‘Look what I got you, do you like my gift?’

‘Look at me. Notice me. I want your eyes on me.

Pay attention to ME!. ’

=

Asoh?

He’s holding the credentials in his hands, eyes focusing on the words that he has pretty much memorized word by word by now. Stout’s real name… Stout’s position…

Asoh?

He wonders why Stout joined the MI6, did he really love his country, or was it a personal dream, what made him accept such a deadly post? Did he, just like Shinichi, have another reason altogether?

Asoh?

Asoh?

A… “ASOH!!!”

Shinichi took in a sharp breath as he was jerked back into reality, the bright light of his main screen burned his eyes, the data he had been analyzing glaring at him as if judging him, the video of the private restaurant’s recording from that night playing on his left screen. The recording in the restaurant itself had been wiped clean by the Organization, but he thinks they took the bait. Hope… fully they took it. Shinichi, for once, has no other plan other than this.

“Oi, Asoh!”

Heiji’s voice filters in through his left speaker, he has been trying to get Shinichi’s attention for a while now.

“Ah… Yeah, y-yeah, um… What is it, Harley?”

“Ya really needa snap out of it, man… Like, I know ye’re stressed out and all but…”

“I know, I know, I’m just… sorry, what were you saying?”

“Right, so uh… Okay, lemme go from the start. After ya take out Stout, the roster changes again. They’re trying to follow yer steps, but ya know, they got nothin’ till now. I think ya gotta stay low though, man. Like, it's pretty serious out here. Even pops getting a bit alert.”

“That’s not an option,” Haibara’s voice filters through the right speaker, “You need to make a decision, Asoh. You held onto that credential for two days already, you need to send it to him, and soon.”

“Sherry lady’s right, but uh, how ya gon’ do that? Do ya even know where the big bad's at?”

…

“No, but someone does, she said she’ll take of it.”

“Oh, um… Is this that the Vermouth lady you been talkin’ bout?”

“Yup.”

He can vaguely hear Haibara’s sigh, she really dislikes any talks about Sharon, she tolerates her at least, and Shinichi’s fine with that.

“You need to be ready.” She said, “The moment Gin got confirmation that whoever killed Stout was the same person that took out Mezcal, that they're also trying to get his attention, he’ll hunt you down.”

“I know.”

“Ain’t that good news, tho??” Heiji asks, “That's what ya want, right?”

Yes. That… is exactly what he wants. Unfortunately.

=

The tip of his cigarette burned through Stout’s ID photo, Gin staring at the credentials that were placed neatly on the hood of his Porsche, with no idea who put it there, no recording that shows who the hell sneaked into the parking lot of the Hotel he was meeting someone at.

This fucking thing…

Someone put Stout’s MI6 credentials for him to find, the ID wrapped in a bright red envelope with a thin, dark blue ribbon tying it close.

A gift.

A fucking gift and he thinks he knows from who it was. He was waiting for that thing to make a move.

“Oh, it’s not chocolate?”

A voice, Vermouth, asks him with an amused tone. She and Vodka were the ones who saw the gift first, she burst out laughing so hard when she said that someone left a Valentine’s gift for Gin.

The man was so… angered is not the word, but he groaned when he snatched it, without any care if it could be laced with poison or not, he ripped the thing open to see the credentials.

A proof that one of his most trusted members is a goddamn NOC,

And right under it is a picture of the body that they found of Stout a couple of days ago, his skin still flushed, not bluish like how they found him. A fresh kill.

“Did it say who sent it?” Vermouth, way too amused, had come close so she could see the ‘gift’, the envelope containing nothing else. “I wonder… Oh, Gin. I can’t believe you have a secret admirer!”

Gin is silent but she knows what he’s thinking.

He’s furious for a couple of reasons; one, because Stout turns out to be a NOC, second, that someone had killed him before Gin can, and third, Stout’s goddamn target, that damn CEO Sasaki, is still missing and he knows without a doubt that the person who sent this is the one responsible for it.

“Get me Kir.”

Eh?

Sharon tilts her head. “Kir?”

“She was Stout’s partner.”

“And what? You think Kir’s involved? That can’t be.”

He was already walking to the car but Vermouth stopped him before he could yank the door open. “What are you planning to do to her?”

“If she’s not a dog, then you shouldn’t worry. But if she is. Let’s give her the same fate as her partner.”

…

Deep down, she knows that Gin is already suspicious of her, that he, despite… the weird tolerance he gave to Kir, wanted confirmation of her loyalty, and who knows what he will do if he doesn’t get it and he is proven right.

This is something out of her calculation. This is something Shinichi does not know so he didn't come up with any plan for this situation.

Kir is on an overseas mission right now, tailing a diplomat who’s scheduled to meet at a conference in Hague. But Gin will only need to wait a few days until she finishes her duty. And then, he might send her to her doom. And she can’t have that.

=

“WHAT!?”

Shinichi hissed when Sharon returned back way too early, she informed him, clearly yet with haste, that whatever he wants to do with Sasaki, he needs to do it now because Kir’s life is in danger.

“Apparently, before this, she was once sent on a long-term mission with Stout and they are known to be friendly with each other. At least that’s what it seems like, the fact that she doesn’t actively keep tabs on the man that she was paired with was the ‘reason’ that Gin wants to bring her in.”

At that point, Shinichi doesn’t give a shit about the reason, he knows that he has to help her.

Aside from his main objective, he had decided from the beginning that he would make absolutely sure that Furuya Rei and Hondoe Hindemi were safe, that they were completely untouched by his plan. How did he fuck up so badly?

…

Shinichi was still trying to get over the guilt of killing Stout. But Vermouth had proven again and again how true her words were; that the descent into Hell will be painful, that to get the bliss of revenge, he will have to walk through a path covered with shards of shattered glass, each step piercing the deep into his soles, bleeding footprints in his wake.

And this time, he was to climb on that road again, the pieces of glass digging in, and in, and in…

He sat back down on his chair, calling Heiji and Shiho. The both of them quickly answered him a second later. Before any of them could ask why the hell is he calling at 2 a.m., he said;

“Harley, Sherry, we need to move, and fast.”

“Asoh? What’s happenin’?” Because he knows that tone, knows what that means, he knows when Shinichi is panicking, he has been his friend for a long time, after all. The same thing can be said of Shiho, but unlike Heiji, she knows exactly what he wants to do.

Something he does not want to do, but will. She knows. She already knows.

“Tell me where.”

“Haneda Airport, one hour.”

=

She helps him again this time, she had wanted to send him alone, just another part of his sporadic training but they’re in a state of emergency and she wants to save Kir. She also isn’t sure why she wants to help her in the first place, but she’s NOT going to let Gin kill her.

She’s a hacker and while she insisted that Shinichi finds an ally that can also hack, she’ll fill the position for now. That Hattori boy found an anomaly on the shifted roster, finding two senior agents suddenly assigned to an unknown subject, after that, tracking them down was easy, with Vermouth disguising as their inspector to elude them to another emergency mission in a ruse that CEO Sasaki was already kidnapped. It’s a gamble, really. But at that point, what else can they do?

So, they managed to get the officers away from the hotel room that Sasaki was staying in.

And, like a signature move at this point, like a dance that had been rehearsed hundreds of times, Shinichi went to his traditional route. Sneaking Shiho’s NISD poison into Sasaki’s drink.

The man has been consuming way more alcohol than he previously did, it’s understandable, seeing the extremely stressful situation he was in. But that turned out to be the biggest flaw in his security.

Little plastic alcohol bottles that he can request, it’s so easy to sneak into his drink, it was harder to get into his room but Shinichi managed to get in any way by pretending to be… believe it or not, like rubbing salt into an open, bleeding wound,

Sharon dressed him up as Sasaki’s ex-wife.

He had a soft spot for her, he willingly, easily, opens the door for her. Only to realize that she was not the woman that he once loved.

That the woman holding his hand as they lay in bed was not there to comfort him from the threat of death, that the one wearing her long brown hair was someone else, someone’s irises looking through light grey lenses.

“I’m sorry…”

The voice dropped, a man’s voice, not too deep but obviously not female, a voice that is almost… soft, it sounds soft.

The stranger wearing his ex-wife's face slowly sits him up, even making him lean against the pillows. But Sasaki already knows what this person did. His throat is closing up, his vision starts blurring disturbingly quick, the face in front of him turns into nothing but a silhouette in frosted glass.

“I… have… money…”

Shinichi closes his eyes. Sasaki is offering him anything to spare his life and it hurts to hear such a desperate attempt. Money. Power. Whatever it is that the stranger wants as long as he spares his life.

“What… do you… want…?”

“I…” He has no answer. “I have to… I can’t– it’s not… not because of the money, it’s… I have to…”

The poison Shiho gave him is effective, the fact that he has the goddamn antidote in his pocket all ready for use if he was ever exposed to the poison itself is shattering his heart. He can save this man, he can, he can but he can’t, he…

…

“Speak to me…”

Eh?

“I want… to hear her voice… one last time…”

…

‘It’s alright.’

Shinichi sees a smile on the lips that’s now dripping blood. He continues to whisper in his ex-wife’s voice, someone he seemingly still loves, despite everything… And Shinichi keeps talking in her voice again and again about how she will stay with him forever, that she will go wherever he goes, that she will be with him in this life and after so he doesn’t have to be lonely anymore, that he doesn’t have to be afraid ever again.

‘Everything’s going to be alright. My love…’

Shinichi kissed his hand, just like he did to Stout.

Shinichi curled his hands around Sasaki, letting him die with the warmth of someone's hug, with the sound of his lover whispering comforting him words to him as he coughed out blood and vomit on Shinichi's clothes, feeling the wetness soaking the skin underneath, Shinichi's chest drenched with red all the way through.

…

And he kept hugging the corpse for what seemed like hours, as long as he could before the police figured out the ruse and rushed back for their now-dead charge. All the while Shinichi cries, the pitiful wail penetrating the thick walls, his own voice reminding him of the time he got the call that she had died, the cries he let out in his mother's arms, the way he almost puked from how dizzy he was, the way he hiccuped and whimpered just like tonight.

Shinichi rests his head on Sasaki’s shoulder, murmuring apologies for taking his life for nothing.

That man, this man.

Sasaki, despite being silenced forever, sounds like a warning to him. He just… he realized right there and then that he didn’t have to kill Stout, that he didn’t have to kill Sasaki, that everyone he killed, every single one of them, no matter how wretched, would’ve still been alive if he didn’t kill them.

He’s a killer, a cold-blooded killer…

But…

My love.

I’m doing this… for someone I love…

=

His… legs…

He feels numb.

Shinichi stretched his finger as best as he could, feeling the soft silky material of the bedsheets, he could smell his own saliva that dried on the pillow, coughing out from how dry his throat had become. He tries to push himself up, but it feels like all the strength has been drained out of him with the tears that dripped from his eyes last night. He feels numb, he feels drained and emptied to the very bone…

Last night, after he had done everything that he had to do, after he finished arranging what to do with the corpse, he stumbled back into Sharon’s house with a blank look on his face, Sasaki’s blood and vomit dried on his shirt.

Vermouth told him earlier that with Stout gone, Sasaki would be murdered anyway, there’s no way around it, if the Organization can’t get to him in time, Gin will have no trouble putting a hit on his name. She explained to him what that meant, that meant the moment he set foot in the UK, at least dozens of hitmen and hired guns would be coming for his head. This tactic always worked in the past, always , Shinichi’s just making it quick, if it wasn’t him, then someone else would.

Shinichi doesn’t know if that was even true, if she’s just saying bullshit to make her sweet angel feel better, she always tries to make him feel better but it didn’t fucking help, nothing she said brings him comfort.

He hadn’t eaten since yesterday, he ingested two of his prescribed mood stabilizers, he didn’t even wash himself, merely stripped down and dumped his body on the bed.

‘Don’t ever hurt yourself.’ She said to him once. ‘When you start hurting yourself, that’s when it’s all over.’ He doesn’t know what she meant back then, but he knows now. He wants to hurt himself, just like how he hurt others, but what good will that bring?

Maybe he can ask them to punish him, once they meet again in hell.

=

The sound of metal and someone desperate struggling in their bonds echoes in the deserted parking lot, Kir’s hands being handcuffed behind her back, staring from the barrel of Gin’s gun, she had tried for almost a goddamn hour to convince Gin that she is NOT a fucking NOC, that she doesn’t have any idea that Stout was a fucking dog, and for once, she was being honest about it. She has no idea Stout was MI6, just like how Stout didn’t know that she was CIA.

But of course, Gin’s not buying that.

Gin was already pissed enough, it got even worse when Vermouth came out of nowhere, motorcycle revving as she arrived, telling Gin that he can’t just kill members out of baseless accusations. That half of them would be dead if he could just kill anyone he was suspicious of.

But, to her surprise, Gin said he was given ‘permission’ by Rum, who was sick and tired of rats infiltrating their ranks, to execute Kir IF he had evidence. And he’ll find evidence. Eventually.

Unfortunately, Vermouth is right. Despite how suspiciously Kir had acted in the past, despite how many times he had tolerated those suspicions, he still had no clue where she stashed CEO Sasaki, the man who had disappeared seemingly out of thin air and how she managed to do that when she was still in Hague.

Baseless accusations. It pisses him off but it’s true.

Not to worry though, he has ways, and this is one of his ways, threatening her with death itself.

Kir doesn’t have to know that he’s just pretending, that he doesn’t have any proof to kill her yet. She doesn’t have to know, and he will never tell her, it’s more fun to see her squirm.

He made a show of hooking his finger on the trigger, Kir almost yelling at him that he has no fucking proof, that she is innocent, that she is not, in any fucking way, a goddamn NOC.

“Do YOU have a reason to kill me, huh? Are YOU trying to cover up something, Gin!?”

And, as she was doing what she does best, trying to manipulate this seemingly iron-clad man, she heard the sound of an engine speeding in and then a car door being slammed shut.

“You're going to let her take all the credit?”

She gasped so sharply that everyone could hear it, Gin turning to point his gun at the silhouette approaching. This person who just walked into the parking lot, his boots making soft, constant steps.

“For my hard work?” The voice asks, almost melodic in a way, sing-songed in a somewhat mocking tone.

An instant show of childish behaviour, or at the very least, a playful attitude. It makes people who are in positions of power feel less defensive by giving them an illusion that this person, immature as they are, will not be able to threaten them.

At least, that's what Sharon taught him.

Shinichi approaches the little group, dressed in all black, his fiery red eyes and red-brown hair contrasting nicely with his deep blue bow and sapphire cufflinks. He looks expensive, simple, and the lack of a gun holster shows how cocky he is.

Quite an entrance, is it not?

Gin's eyes are on the stranger approaching, Shinichi stops a few metres away. Just enough for the other to see.

“I have a gift.”

“Little thief.”

Gin's voice sends shivers down his spine, finally, for the first time it's directed towards him.

“Oh, did I make everyone worry?? Please forgive me, I just wanted Sasaki to myself.”

“Why?” Kir asks, how brave, Shinichi would've just stayed silent.

But Shinichi didn't answer. He took something out of his pocket before quickly raising both of his hands up, smirking as if to ‘reassure’ gin that he had no gun. He has a small box in his hand, just waiting.

Gin scoffs, lowering his weapon, tilting his head at Vodka who in turn raises his gun at him and Shinichi, understanding that he's invited to come closer, walks with a little too much enthusiasm and offers the slim box. Gin took it, his eyes staring at the boy's face, the excitement in those red eyes looked pathetic.

Gin opens the box with one hand. There, padded with silk, situated like an expensive pen, is a mutilated finger, still wearing its jade ring and supporting a distinguishable black line on its nail, a sign of an old injury.

Sasaki Shachou's finger, aka Stout's target's ring finger. Seeing the lack of tearing on the edge, it's a cut done post-mortem.

“I'll show you the rest of him if you want?” Again, that eager tone matching the way he bit his lower lip in anticipation of an answer.

Gin scoffs under his breath, closing the box and sliding it into the inner pocket of his coat before raising his gun yet again.

“Stealing for the Organization's attention.” Gin steps forward, the still-cold muzzle of his gun pressed on Shinichi's temple.

“For your attention.” Shinichi ‘corrects’ him. I want your attention. His eyes say. And apparently, he could barely contain his excitement on finally getting it.

Deep down, Shinichi wondered if this… was what Akai-san wanted.

Is this what he desired most? To meet Gin in the flesh? To see him oh so close…

Shinichi forced himself to swallow a gasp when Gin, out of nowhere, grabbed his jaw with a bruising force and yanked him closer, almost making him stumble. His eyes scan over Shinichi's face from his hair down to his chin. And then,

“What's this? Just a teenager.”

…

“Does it matter?” Shinichi whispers. In which Gin scoffs, he must know what teenagers can do, he did work with Shiho in the past, no?

“10 seconds.” He shoved Shinichi away, the boy pulling a mini tablet, showing what seems to be a real-time surveillance of a morgue, Sasaki Shachou's body being cleaned of any evidence, a mortician (or that's what they look to be), dragging a q-tip under his nails one by one, cleaning up potential skin residue before cleaning the bruises on his pale, bluish skin.

Again, Gin scoffs, and a few tense seconds later, he gestured at Vodka to lower his gun.

His eyes went back to the boy, shoving the tiny tablet away as the hand previously on his jaw now reached out to grab his neck, squeezing down on his windpipe, pulling Shinichi even closer till he was practically inches from his face. Shinichi could smell the tobacco on his breath, it’s fucking disgusting.

“Interesting.” is all Gin said before the hand on his neck moved down to his arm, dragging Shinichi away.

“You want my attention?” He opened the Porsche door, shoving the kid inside. “You got it.”

=

Left in the parking lot, Vermouth quickly uncuffs Kir’s hand.

“Who’s that?” She hissed, still confused about the scene that happened so quickly she could barely digest what was happening.

Gin accused him of helping a NOC, and then, this… teenager? Came out of nowhere, announcing proudly that he was the one that killed Stout’s target, that he was a… little thief? For stealing Stout’s target, she assumes?

“That kid doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into.” She hissed yet again, look, unlike these monsters she’s infiltrating, she still has a heart, whoever that kid is, he’s obviously doing it for attention and he’s being sweet about it.

“Who knows.” Vermouth shrugs, walking back to her motorcycle when Kir is free and is back on her feet. “Call it luck, Kir. And I suggest you stay as far away from Gin as you can for now.”

“Hm… yeah, I’ll do that.”

Whoever that kid is, he’s digging his own grave and there’s little she can do, her mission comes first.

Vermouth puts her helmet back on while Kir jumps into her car, driving as fast as she can to get the hell out of there. When she’s gone, Vermouth, knowing that she can’t let her guard down, merely grips the handles of her motor as tight as she can, her perfectly manicured nails digging so hard it looks like it might chip.

Shinichi…

They planned to get Gin’s attention, but she didn’t know he would be extremely bold with it.

Vermouth could’ve handled this situation herself, she knew that Gin didn’t have any real grounds to kill her, but Shinichi must’ve gotten paranoid when he got wind that Gin was hunting Kir down.

He’s… that boy is just…

Her angel is far too soft-hearted for his own good. Killed a man just yesterday, and now risking his life to save another just the day after.

She can’t follow him without raising suspicions. She begrudgingly accepted the fact that her angel would have to go through this alone.

Shinichi Kudo will have to go through this all alone.

=

Shinichi didn't think he would be this calm(?) with being so close to Gin. He's literally riding in the back of his car and it gives him a sick sense of nostalgia. He remembered that one time when he came across this car, how Haibara tried her best to fucking stop him from bugging the car and getting himself into potentially lethal trouble. He remembered tailing this exact car with his skateboard only to lose them completely since Gin found the tracker he put inside, something that thankfully didn’t lead back to him.

And now… to be inside of it willingly, with Gin’s full knowledge of it.

This situation doesn’t feel normal, this isn’t normal.

Whatever it was that he expected, he wasn't expecting to be in the same car as the monster itself. The interior smells like rancid smoke, the surface feels warm under the touch of his cold fingers that are shaking in fear. He wonders if Gin noticed the tremors and if he did, what did he think about it? Did he just chalk it up to the little thief being nervous and that it's a ‘typical’ response of a young boy to pretend to be confident yet can't even enter a car without his legs wobbling? Did that make him feel good about himself?

It seems like his brain is so immensely overwhelmed that he can't even panic.

Eerily enough, Gin seemed to already know which morgue Shinichi had stashed Sasaki-Shachou's body in, when he parked, Shinichi exited the car and followed behind without being told to.

The mortician is still working on the body when Gin enters, quietly making her way out, not wanting to linger with men like them.

Gin stared down at the very real corpse, seeing the empty space where the finger would've been if it hadn't been cut off, then his eyes moved up to his face, where the corners of his mouth were discoloured, a classic sign of poisoning.

Then, Gin turns towards Shinichi, the wide-eyed boy still looking at him with a peculiar sort of excitement and expectation. Shinichi fakes it well, he wonders if Sharon will be proud of him.

Gin's sharp eyes are scanning his body up and down, Shinichi doesn’t know what Gin is thinking, is he looking at him so that he can decide which part of his body he wants to shoot first?

His voice shocks him. Gin, who has been silent all this time, asks;

“Your name, little thief.”

And, with a big smile, Shinichi replies;

“My name, is Seiji Asoh.”

Chapter 9: His attention

Chapter Text

Heiji never thought that he would ever contact her without Shinichi being in the middle but he just. He just had a bad hunch about this, his gut is telling him something is extremely wrong and he always trusts his gut.

There’s only one way he can contact her, a shared line that all three of them share, it’s a messaging system that Sherry Lady made, the messages that they put in there will automatically delete themselves in ten minutes or so and there’s no way it could be tracked back to any of them, no backdoor that can be exploited because its connection is only shared through them exclusively. Heiji doesn’t know how complicated it is, he only knows that it works and that’s good enough for him.

But usually, their communication will be initiated by Kudo who is not here, this feels awkward, he doesn’t even know if she’s going to answer if he typed his messages without prior plans to connect but,

Well, Sherry Lady might be closer to Kudo than he thought because the moment he sent that message, she swiftly replied, he wondered if her gut was telling her the same thing as she immediately started a voice call with him.

“Heya, Sherry… Aight, so ya know last time, ye’re talkin’ about his bowtie? And how it can–”

“I already tracked his GPS,”

She sent the location through the chat, it was moving until it stopped in the morgue that Shinichi said he had kept Sasaki’s corpse in. “There’s absolutely no reason why he should be going back to the morgue this early.” Right, the original plan was to give Sasaki’s body after Shinichi managed to get him curious enough by giving him the badge, but Shinichi did something reckless he barely discussed with them, about saving Kir.

Now, Heiji doesn’t know who Kir is and why she’s so important to Kudo, but he knows he isn’t going to get an explanation any time soon.

Sherry was fighting with Kudo earlier, forgetting that Heiji was even there as she screamed at him to NOT meet Gin and Kir since he is not ready to meet him yet, something that Shinichi of course ignored, he cut the call the moment he got finished preparing, though he did turn on his GPS, and that appeases Sherry if only the tiniest bit.

And now, Heiji is really taking Sherry’s side, something’s just not right and they both sensed it.

“Ya think… ya think bigbad brought him there?”

“Forced him, you mean.”

“...Yeah.”

“I–” Ai groaned loudly, she’s just so, so, tired. “If he did, there’s nothing we can do anyway!” Her voice sounds shrill, she’s panicking and Heiji is just pretending to be calmer but the thought of this person, of this… Gin, got his hands on Shinichi (after he offered himself so carelessly), will his best friend survive?

“Is his GPS location still live?”

“Yes, but he is not–”

“Imma go there.”

…

“What?”

“Imma pick him up.”

“Wait– Har– HARLEY, WAIT!”

His call went dead, Ai is left in that chat all alone, feeling a debilitating sense of Deja Vu.

=

Shinichi’s red eyes refuse to look away, trying to keep a facade of bravery but he’s failing so miserably, and perhaps that’s working in his favour, maybe he’s really selling this brash, childish image to the very max.

Because the tremor in his body was only getting worse, especially when Gin had raised his gun and shoved the end to Shinichi’s previously smiling face so quickly that Shinichi’s legs went weak the moment it pretty much hit his forehead, the muzzle of Gin’s Beretta 92 feels cold on his skin.

“From now on, keep your hands to yourself, little thief.” His deep voice sends shivers down his spine yet again, their eye contact seems unbroken despite the power imbalance between them. “Or I’ll cut them off myself.”

He can’t stop the small gasp that escaped his throat, the way his eyes flutter when Gin finally lowers his gun.

He should be relieved, he should be happy with this, he’s alive, is he not?

But then Gin turns around, and a different type of dread bubbles up inside of him. Is he going to give him a reaction worse than death? Is Gin going to just… ignore him?

Then all– all of this will be for nothing!

Absolutely nothing…

All the murders he committed, all the sacrifice he gave and the pain he went through to get to this point–

“Wait– Gin!”

Isn’t it weird, Shinichi wanted him off of him just seconds before but now he finds himself getting ready to run towards him, his still trembling hand reaching out to grab Gin’s own. And he felt it, the moment his fingertips touch Gin’s hand, this weird, electric feeling.

And not a second later, the hand that he was about to hold had instantly seized his neck.

Shinichi lost his breath, literally, Gin’s hand didn’t just hold his neck, he’s fucking squeezing down on it. He’s…

He’s choking him.

It took a while for it to register, but Gin gave his throat another vicious squeeze and that snapped him out of it. Shinichi grabs and claws Gin’s forearm as those fingers constrict his throat like a snake, painfully squeezing his windpipe. And as if making sure this insolent boy knows what will happen if he tests his patience, Gin lifts him off his feet, by the neck, like he weighs nothing.

Shinichi choked, the force of gravity making everything ten times worse, futilely kicking his legs despite knowing that it was only making it worse.

He can’t– he can’t breathe! He can’t breathe!

His eyes start to water, his face turning incredibly red, loudly heaving and constricting his throat just to get a sliver of oxygen into his lungs but that only made Gin squeeze his throat even harder, as if that’s even possible. He wonders if Gin is going to break his neck, if he’s going to die, right here right now since his vision starts to blur, from the lack of air or the tears, he isn’t quite sure.

Then… he slowly, ever so slowly stops thrashing, his hands trying their best to hold onto Gin’s sleeves, to claw on his wrist but it falls limp right next to his body, he can’t breathe, he can’t… breathe…

…

His body dropped down painfully on the tiled floor when Gin nonchalantly let him go.

Shinichi's body writhes violently as he gasped in mouthfuls of breaths, he looks comical with the way he opens his mouth as wide as they can, taking in as much air as he can in one go, so deep that his chest contracts painfully with every inhale. He can't bring himself to sit so he just rolls to the side, not wanting to accidentally choke on his own spit as he continues heaving.

It feels like it all happened for so long, feels like he had been gasping, coughing and spitting out for what seemed like hours when it must’ve only been a minute or so.

Meanwhile, Gin is above him just a step away, watching as this boy squirms and claws on the tiles, trying to fight an incoming massive headache he knows he will suffer through very, very soon.

When the boy’s breath evened out ever so slightly, Gin kicked him to his back, the tip of his boots pushing his cheek up, forcing Shinichi to face him. Gin takes in his ruined face devoid of all the cheekiness and anticipation he had mere minutes ago, now changed into one of unfocused terror.

“Seiji Asoh.”

The boy doesn’t respond, his eyes still staring at nothing, still coughing and trying to even out his breath.

“You watch your attitude, stop being a damn brat and maybe next time I won’t kill you.”

Next time.

Next.

Time.

He said next time.

Then Gin turns around and walks away.

He watches his retreating figure, Vodka following right behind. Shinichi felt his vision swimming, but he got what he wanted.

Gin will see him again, when and where he doesn’t know, but he will, he will…

He can’t really see, but he hears the car driving away. Shinichi trying to breathe through the headache that’s brewing from the aftermath, his trembling hand rubs his extremely sore throat with a large bruise forming in the shape of a hand, fingers curling around his throat, something that will turn yellow and blue and mark his skin for a while, a brutal reminder on what he got for being reckless.

Shinichi tries to get on his feet but the moment he gets on his knees, he quickly falls down again.

‘Damnit…

He hears a female voice, the mortician from before seeing the kid coughing on the floor helped him up to sit, she knows that the boy is… that he probably doesn’t deserve help, but she’s just a damn human in the end, right? And this boy looks young! Can't be older than her own son!

She helps him sit up enough to lean against the wall, going away to give him a bottle of water, the boy can’t even thank her properly, his voice croaks so badly that she thinks he might as well be mute.

“Th…a…” No, he can’t even say thank you. He can’t say ‘thank you’, can’t say two simple words.

Can’t see straight, can’t even speak.

Shinichi slumps on the wall, drinking the water despite him being in pain when he swallows.

How pathetic.

=

“Asoh! Get it together! Asoh!!! Hey!!! Lady, how long has he been like this?”

“10 minutes tops, I guess. Gin got him pretty bad. Just please get him out of here before anyone else sees.”

…he passed out? He drank water and then he passed out? God… He feels cold, he feels… this feels… familiar…?

He laid on this surface once before too, for what seemed like hours, locked inside the mortuary with only an oxygen can and a sheet of paper to cover his body.

But he… he's not dead, and–

“Ow…”

“ASOH!”

Shinichi grimace at the loud, familiar voice shook him awake, groaning and shielding his eyes from the bright light. He feels Heiji's hand on his arm, helping him up to sit and, ew, the table still feels kind of wet, can't believe that he…

Well, Shinichi remembers the mortician helping him up, and when he was obviously about to pass out, she probably dumped him on the nearest surface which is one of the tables she probably used to clean another body, clean enough, but still had traces of the cleaning agent.

“Good, he's awake, now can you please get the hell out of here?” The mortician pretty much hissed at Heiji, she, despite having some sympathy for the young boy, obviously hates having people like Shinichi, someone somewhat affiliated with The Organization, to be lingering longer than needed.

Heiji helped (dragged) him to his feet, Shinichi stumbling out to Heiji's car, parked in front of the door with its engine and light still on, he reclined the car seat as low as it could go before laying Shinichi down, securing him to his seat before hightailing out of there. The lights passing them by are hurting Shinichi's eyes but… Heiji drives and drives until he comes to an abrupt stop, to some outdoor parking lot somewhere, probably near a toll exit. He turned off the lights and…

“Asoh…” His hand cups Shinichi's cheek, turning his face, those artificial red eyes staring deep into Heiji's brown ones. “Ye okay, man? Hey, what'd he do to ya, hey, Asoh, get it together!”

“...ine.” Shinichi croaks out, pushing his hand away. “I… just… ine…”

“JUST FINE!? ASSHOLE, YA CAN'T EVEN TALK!” Heiji groans, letting Shinichi lay back on the chair. “What did he– Ya know what, dun answer that. I know already.” Yeah, he knows, as if that glaring, blooming bruise around his best friend's neck isn't proof enough, a goddamn mark of someone's hand crushing his windpipe for who knows how long.

“...Arley, …fin… ‘m fine…”

No, he's not. But his friend can't even look at him. Heiji is seeing the real, first glance of the life Shinichi had gotten himself into. The first look at this world of fire, a world where a tiny little mistake can almost get you killed.

See, after he told Sherry that he was going to pick up Shinichi, he sped there with his car like he was possessed, afraid that what he found in the fucking morgue will be an actual corpse. He didn't even care about the anonymity, he knew that he could be putting his life on the line but he couldn't just sit still, not after hearing Shinichi's plan.

All he had on was a black hoodie, a cap that could conceal his face, and the same black mask. It's not the best disguise but it will have to do.

When he arrived at the morgue, he found Shinichi lying on a slab of metal while the mortician was just on another table, cleaning another corpse as if Shinichi wasn't there lying just a few steps away. She looked both annoyed and relieved when he came as if she was already expecting him. “Are you his friend?” She asked. “Your friend played with the wrong person, get this boy out of here now.”

Shinichi did tell him that he placed Sasaki-Shachou's body in a mortuary, he didn't know which one but this lady acted like this was not the first time her ‘client’ bit more than they could chew. “Just a teenager…” He heard her mutter under her breath. “Foolish.”

And Heiji couldn't agree more, seeing Shinichi writhing and groaning, trying to talk after he was visibility choked. Heiji asked the mortician about what happened and she merely grumbled, telling him only the bare, basic answer; that this boy had played with Gin, trying too hard to get his attention and Gin choked him for it. “Kid would probably be dead if he continued.” She said. “Got him hanging by the neck, he was kicking his legs and everything, face already blue but he wasn't choked long enough to have any lasting effect on his brain.” She said that like it's a good thing, like the crazy mark on Shinichi's neck is proof that he's lucky.

“Ku– Asoh.” God, Heiji still doesn't like saying that name, leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. “C'mon lemme just get ya back home.”

Back home, huh? Till now, Shinichi haven't told him where he lived and based on how his character is now, it's not like it was going to change soon but damn it, Heiji is not going to let him walk him like this. And Shinichi… Shinichi is looking at him, lips parted like he's about to say something but remembers that he can't fucking do that so he opens his phone, typing what he wants to say and showing it to Heiji.

‘Take me to a hotel.’

“Not gon’ do that, Imma take ya back home.”

And it took Shinichi a couple of times and a couple of deletes before he settled on one thing. ‘I don't have a home.’ Just a base, Sharon's home is not his, he spent almost 2 years there but it still doesn't feel like his.

“This ain't time to be all emotional ‘bout it, ya can't even fuckin’ talk and ya wan’ me to drop ya off at some goddamn hotel!?”

‘Yeah.’

“Ye just… Goddammit, Asoh…”

But he knows how stubborn Shinichi is, silently turning the car back on and driving away to the nearest decent hotel that he can find. During the drive, his eyes would dart to Shinichi's figure, in between sleep and wakefulness, his hand covering his eyes from the streetlights passing them by, smacking his lips together lightly as he tried to fight the dryness in his throat. Hah. His throat… the redness had started to settle into a bluish bruise, looking raw and painful to touch…

‘I'll be fine.’ Those eyes said when they lock on Heiji's during a red light. Heiji swallows down his rant, he knows Shinichi is not fine, but what else can he say? As a best friend, he understands. There's a price to pay for what Kudo had done. And this is just the beginning.

Heiji reluctantly follows his wishes and Shinichi, the moment he checks into his room, turns off his phone after texting Sharon that he's alive and just needs some space, he doesn't want her to blow up his phone, doesn't want to talk to anyone, first, because he literally can't, and second, because he doesn't have the mental capacity to.

Throwing his phone on the table, Shinichi takes a deep, deep breath.

Heiji dropped him off in a pretty nice hotel, he walked in and ask for any available rooms and paid for two days upfront while pulling his shirt's collar up as high as he could, he asked if there was any clothing store nearby and you know, there's some in the supermarket near here so he dragged his ass there first, buying some few shirts, pants and scarfs before going up to his hotel room.

Only after all that could he ‘relax’, taking off his disguise with little care, feeling his eyes burn and skin itching for you know, laying in a fucking morgue, he showered and scrubbed his skin from head to toe, and after his skin is all pink and puffy did he step out, drying his body and throwing himself, naked and everything, to the bed, he'll bag his old clothes and throw them away after this but… goddamnit. What a day. He fell asleep seconds after, too tired to care about anything else.

=

That distorted voice fills him with annoyance, RUM sounds so entertained by the report that was given by Gin; that he was approached by Stout's, that police dog's, killer. That it was just a teenager, an annoying one at that.

“A good opportunity to show a lesson.” Gin said, “I'll kill him, but before that, I'll cut his insolent hands first.”

The screen shows Rum's ongoing call and the face of this little thief, just seeing his mischievous smile ticks something inside of him. “You will do no such thing.”

Gin's brow twitched.

“ ‘That person’ seems awfully interested in this Little thief of yours.”

“Tell him there's nothing to be ‘interested’ in, that thing is just an attention-seeking child.” Gin just doesn't want to deal with the little rascal, because the boy's attitude irks him; his actions, his words, the way he talks. He doesn't need a boy who's starved for validation.

“Oh, but Gin. Do you not like his gifts?” It's obvious that Rum is amused, Vermouth filled him in on the details that Gin left off, how the boy left the gift all wrapped up in a pretty bow, how he was given a whole finger in a pretty velvet box and how cheeky the boy looked when Gin finally acknowledged him.

‘Just a baby.’ She said, ‘You know the kind.’ And Rum does know, but he needs more info before deciding if this thing is worth pursuing or not.

‘Find out who this little thief is, Gin. It's an order.’

The call cuts without any preamble, Gin took his cigarette and squashed it on the table.

=

The little thing doesn't even try. But what did he expect? It wanted to be found out, it knew, or at least hoped, that Gin would investigate him and unfortunately, he got a direct order to. So here he is now, feeling like a cheap recruit having to research a damn kid.

Seiji Asoh.

Not a hard thing to find, Gin wasn't expecting it to have any kind of notable profile but it does. The thing was a prodigy, graduated high school two years earlier than his peers, he landed an internship with the INTERPOL's Japanese research center, he was personally picked by their current leader, Yosuke Makino, and trained there while also pursuing a double major in Literature and Criminology.

An overachiever, it's obvious as to why, prodigies are the kind of children who could never be good enough, they strive for something even better than perfection as it is what's expected from them but that will never be attainable so it's not that unlikely that a majority of them goes crazy when they reach maturity.

Because Seiji Asoh was expected to do all that, it was expected to participate in and ace every gruelling task and program. And for once, the thing actually succeeded.

Enrolled at the University of Tokyo, it got perfect scores in almost every class and being an intern in INTERPOL pretty much set its career path from a very young age but then it fell off the radar. It's said that the little thief had frequently disagreed with Makino, even breaking ranks and often acting offensive and unruly with how stubborn it was.

Hm. It all checks out, Gin knew from the moment he saw that thing that it would be stubborn and childish and he's right, of course he's right.

But apparently, this is how far that thing allowed him to see without any digging for Gin can't find any information about his past before high school, and so that's where his investigation started.

This thing… at least it knows how to keep itself a secret. It's not making it easy for Gin and that's fine, he likes a little challenge.

The Organization has an… affiliate at the University of Tokyo, a Professor and he, let's say, ‘requested’ her help. She agreed to help him, not like she had any choice to begin with.

She found what little information she could gather of this ‘student’, curiously, everything had been scrubbed clean, not even his date of birth nor address was left in his student profile, but she did track the boy's schedule. She made a note that Seiji Asoh would often frequent a… studio, every single wednesday to be exact.

Apparently, the little thief is a violinist. How sickening.

It was easy picking after that, he got a date and place for an incoming concerto, apparently opened by a certain violinist. Sure, he'll watch the thing play all he wants before he breaks his fingers one by one.

=

Sharon is worried, it has been years since she felt this level of anxiety.

She knows that she should trust her angel, that Shinichi had made a solid past for Seiji, something that they meticulously worked on for the past two years. Every single detail contemplated and calculated, one that's interesting enough to get Gin hooked by the first melody of his little song, but again, at this stage, every move he makes worries her in some way or the other.

Just like tonight, Shinichi is planning to show his face for the second time to Gin on the very stage, where all lights will be on him. She knows that this is just one of the dozens of contingency plans her little angel cooked up in his brain, but it still scares her nonetheless.

“He'll like it.” Shinichi told her, something that she knows to be true, but disturbs her just the same. Shinichi is right, Gin does like these sorts of things.

See, Gin has been in this line of work for far too long to find anything that intrigues him anymore, too jaded to the likes of narcissistic psychopaths or broken-down vigilantes, already seen too many people in positions of power begging on their knees for his mercy, already fluent in the games of honey pots sent to him in shameless ways.

People– no, things , like Shinichi is new.

A baby in her eyes, an annoying runt in Gin's. Shinichi undoubtedly annoys him but amuses him at the same time.

Gin knows this type of people, the people that Shinichi is trying his best to portray. The image of Seiji Asoh, coming from a broken family, starved for attention, yearning for more challenge, something to stimulate his brain that's too advanced for both his peers and superiors. A boy with a taste for danger. He wants not only Gin's attention but also his validation. A person in a position of power, unlike the INTERPOL or other law enforcement agencies, the life of crime had seduced him better, offered more… reward in the face of adversities. And who else would better to entice than Gin himself?

What amuses Gin is that the little thief didn't try to hide after Gin almost killed it, it didn't back down or try and disappear from radar when it realized that it bit more than it can chew. Whatever happened in its past had broken its brain so completely that it does not care about consequences anymore.

Because, despite knowing that Gin would be able to track it down easily, the little thief still came onto the stage, ready to play his melody.

As Gin parked his car in the outdoor parking lot, right next to other spectators, all dressed for the occasion, it made him stand out but again, at these kinds of events, should you really expect people to blend in?

He entered the theatre, the round table for him and Vodka reserved on the second floor with a direct view of the stage. They come in mere minutes before the concerto is about to start because Gin is not in the mood to be there longer than he has to.

And then, perfectly on time, as the theatre dims and a soft light illuminates the stage, showing a pianist, another young aspiring musician, and in front of her, stands that little creature. For the first time, Gin sees an expression on its face that isn't mischief nor fear. It's something more level, something muted.

Sharon watches from behind the pillars and hidden from view, back against the concrete, tilting her head just the slightest bit to take a peek at her angel on the stage.

The pianist whose name she can't recall lifts her beautiful fingers, flowing like a calm current of a peaceful river, she starts the tune of Moonlight Sonata.

The moment she pressed down on the key and the first tune reverberated in her angel's ears, Shinichi changed completely. His face looks serious, levelled but not calm, his face pulled into the slightest of frown over a stoic face. The boy closes his eyes, shifting the violin ever so slowly to fix the position under his chin, the fingers of his left hand finding their position in the rehearsed dance of this one song.

Shinichi's bow just a breath away from the string, they finally touched and her body shivered from the moment the first note echoed in her brain.

This song.

Moonlight Sonata.

There's something about this song…

She still remembers the first time she heard this song.

It was on the one-month anniversary of Ran's death, she was sleeping when she heard the music, she was woken up on alert and confused. Someone… was playing a violin in her house. She stood up from her bed, legs making their way out the hall, the sound getting bolder and bolder. Another sound can be heard too, a boy's weeping pairs the melody like the missing piano it is supposed to duet with, so… soul aching.

Sharon watched in silence as Shinichi played the same song over and over again for almost thirty minutes, his fingers aching, his shoulders and jaws hurting from being pressed on for so long.

“Seiji Asoh.” He said that night, feeling Sharon’s fingers from behind hugging his waist. “That will be my new name.”

And now, as if fulfilling a promise, the same Seiji Asoh, his acting gone and all traces of their made-up characteristic put aside, has pierced this anticipating silence with the first note of that song, his fingers dancing while the other is swiftly gliding the bow over the strings.

Shinichi never told her who Seiji Asoh was, or the past of any other moniker that he used. But something about that person must’ve affected him in some way. Shinichi said he based his new appearance on the same person but it's hard for her to remember anyone with the same hair and eyes that he had adopted.

She doesn't know, Sharon doesn't have to know.

Shinichi's lips tightly sealed, not wanting anyone to know of this sacred person of his.

The first man he ever killed. Seiji, burned to the bone. Seiji, engulfed in red, blazing fire.

His eyes. His hair. Red like flames. Reminding himself of his sins and all the blood he spilled just by a quick glance in the mirror.

Seiji, and his music, the musical notes that turn into words. Seiji was dying… but all he said was;

‘Thank you, little detective.’

=

“That person’ is interested.”

“The thing can kill and it can play a violin, any kid can do that.”

“He likes the track record,”

“That thing is unstable.”

“That ‘thing’ is young, extremely susceptible, he has potential.”

“Tch.”

Gin knows why ‘that person’ seems to take an interest in the little thief, he wants another person who will be completely loyal to him, someone exactly like Curaçao. In a way, the little thief is very similar to her, she was taken into the organization at a very young age, trained and matured all under his supervision, and most of all both Curaçao and him show potential. The little thief is brash, he’s all over the place, too smart for his own good and about ready to snap at any given moment, Rum knows that the thief seeks Gin’s attention, but what is he going to do when he finally got it? Go to an even higher individual of course, and who is directly above Gin at the moment, hm?

“Potential alone isn’t enough, I’m sure you know this, Gin.”

“Get to the point.”

“Let’s give our little thief a test.”

Gin chuckled after a while, feet pressing down on the accelerator. “I know just the thing.”

=

Shinichi sighs as he secures the violin case, saying goodbye to a couple of people as he makes his way to the parking lot.

It’s been a week since his last concerto, when he got back to Sharon’s house, she informed him that Gin was there and he, as they hoped, seemed interested. What happens next is out of his hands now.

“We have to be careful Shinichi, it seems like you caught someone else’s attention.”

That had intrigued him, Sharon genuinely looked troubled, despite the good news, she was expecting Gin to be interested and not someone else.

RUM.

Rum, Shinichi knows that name, before Shiho successfully developed a cure for him, he was actively searching for more information about that person. God, it was so hard to do, Amuro-san was tight-lipped about it, Akai-san didn’t know anything other than what Shinichi already knew. He was about to go after that man despite knowing how dangerous he was and now Rum turned out to be the one that was pushing Gin to investigate him, the person he was hunting turned out to be his ticket in.

“Be very, very careful, Shinichi.”

And in hindsight, he should’ve followed her advice, he should’ve been more cautious and think things deeper before making a decision but he’s never been the best when it comes to being careful anyway.

So when two people had stopped him in the parking lot, when Shinichi felt a gun pressed firmly on his back as he was led into a car, he should’ve discreetly sent a distress signal through his watch to Sharon and Shiho but he just…

He’s exhausted, mentally and physically, so when he’s forced into the car, he doesn’t really care anymore. Though seeing that these people didn’t even bother blindfolding or cuffing him, that means they’re not planning to do anything fatal to him, at least not yet. He isn’t quite sure what to think though when he’s driven to a… pier, the car driving into one of the loading docks, somewhere as private as can be and he knows what kind of things will be ideal done in such places.

…

“Ow, no need to get handsy.” Shinichi shoves the man who pretty much dragging him by the arm out of the car. “Hey! Do I just wait here, or?”

Well, he got no explanation, the moment they shoved him out, the car immediately drove away, leaving Shinichi, confused and annoyed, to wait on the edge of some goddamn pier.

Look, he knows that places like these offer the most privacy, civilians will never wonder into loading docks all by themselves and the neat, identical-looking crates a maze-like environment that would confuse those unfamiliar with the layout, and most importantly, the loud, heavy mechanical noises of around-the-clock work would mask any kind of gunshots or screams.

That last note makes him wonder if the Organization's goons brought him here because Gin is ready to either shoot him or make him scream. He could make a break for it, maybe, but if he does, what's to stop them from dragging him back? In a way, he had dug his own grave. All he can do now is wait.

And, he didn't have to wait for too long.

After around half an hour of just standing around, Shinichi, with a cigarette between his lips, hears the sound of a car approaching.

He doesn't turn back to look for it's obvious who is approaching, and he also doesn't want to show just how nervous he truly is. Who wouldn’t be, right? He… he isn’t sure how, but he can just guess, from the sound of the footsteps alone, that it was Gin who stepped out of his car, Gin who was approaching him.

Only when Gin was a few steps away did Shinichi turn, dropping the cigarette and squishing it under his boots.

Shinichi wasn’t a smoker and he wasn’t planning to be. The smell is horrible and so many people are trying to kill him already, he doesn’t want to add the possibility of lung cancer to the list. But Sharon told him that he has to know how to, he needs to blend in after all, learning how to drink and smoke were probably two of the most annoying things he had to learn to do, it burned his throat and left a disgusting taste in his mouth, something that can’t just be gurgled away by mouthwash. And as someone with a naturally sensitive senses all around, he’s usually so acutely aware of it, but not now.

Now, he’s too overwhelmed with anxiety to notice anything else but the presence merely a step away behind him, sending shivers down his spine when Shinichi turns around and sees the long blond hair and devilish grin.

“Odagiri Toshirō.”

…

“Tokyo’s Chief Superintendent?” Shinichi remembers him, he talked to him before. “Odagiri-keishicho?”

“I’ll give you 1 month. If you fail, I’ll kill you.”

…

“Are you saying that you want me to…”

Shinichi forces himself to stand his ground as Gin approaches, shuddering when his hand settle on his neck. The vivid memories of the last time, when he choked him till he felt like dying, paired with the physical ache leftover from that night almost sent Shinichi into a panic, but again, he stands his ground, even as Gin tucks a finger on his turtleneck and pulls it down, chuckling at the discoloured, yellow and purple healing bruise on his skin.

“You said you want my attention, little thief. And now you got it, let’s see if it’s worth losing your life for.”

Gin pulls his hand away, giving his cheek a condescending light slap before turning back, and just like that, not even five minutes after meeting Shinichi, he walked back inside his car and drove away.

Shinichi let out a shuddered breath, something he didn’t realize he was holding the moment Gin touched his neck.

Odagiri Toshirō…

Shinichi remembers him. It was such a long time ago, probably around 3 years by now, a few months after he was poisoned and turned into Conan. Back then, he heard that Officer Sato was viciously attacked during Officer Shiratori’s younger sister’s wedding and was hospitalized, Conan and the kids paid her a visit, and during that time, he was roped into a case (as usual). At the end of it all, he seemed to have caught the attention of Odagiri who, after having an inkling that Shinichi wasn’t an ordinary child, didn’t push him for any further details despite his curiosity. He met Odagiri a few times after that but only in a passing, but he knows his face, knows his voice, he knows what kind of man he is on the job.

He respects him. And now, Shinichi has to kill him.

…

Still standing on the pier, Shinichi pulls out another cigarette, lighting it up and taking a drag, blowing out the disgusting puff of smoke before he fish out his phone and rings up a group chat call.

It took only a few dials for the other two to answer.

“Sherry, Harley, we need to meet.
Yes, face to face.”

Chapter 10: What you want.

Chapter Text

“It’s time for you to find a house, my angel.” Shinichi sighs, head thumping on the wall while he showers, Sharon’s eyes sharp on the vicious bruise on his neck, a reminder of the severity of Shinichi’s predicament.

Her angel had arrived merely half an hour prior, almost sleeping the moment he dumped his body on the sofa but Sharon managed to drag him to the bathroom to take off his disguise, while they were doing that, Shinichi had clue her in on what happened that day; how the Organization’s men had driven him to the pier, how Gin… gave him an assignment which he’s pretty sure is some kind of test, an ultimatum as well, a kill or be killed situation he had put himself in.

And what’s more troubling (and amusing), was that Odagiri was apparently another codename member’s name. Pinga is someone who is currently a rival of Gin’s, Shinichi has trouble digesting the fact that Gin is setting him up to worse and worse situations no matter the outcome of his actions.

See, if he fails, Gin will kill him. If he succeeds, Pinga will probably try to kill him, it’s ironic that Gin hates the fact that this little Seiji Asoh keeps stealing the Organization’s targets and yet he’s giving Shinichi the same task.

Who is Pinga anyway?

Apparently, he’s a master in subterfuge and infiltration, and somehow, Gin expects him to ‘beat’ Pinga to it? Just what kind of person does Gin think he is? Is he purposely setting him up to fail?

What’s done is done though, Sharon had reminded him again that nothing will ever be easy moving forward, Gin never liked newcomers, but the ‘good’ news is, it seems like he is already considering Shinichi as a candidate for a newcomer seeing that he even bothered to give him a test.

Shinichi told Sharon that he’s setting a meeting with both Shiho and Heiji in real life for the first time and he’s asking her on where would be safe enough for that meeting to take place.

See, if he has his own place, this will be easy but the truth is he’s still currently living in Sharon’s house and he’s not going to bring them here for obvious reasons, but this is the only safe zone he knows as Seiji, anything outside these walls can be dangerous.

“I know, but not now.”

“Oh? And when are you planning to start searching for one?”

“When I know I’m going to use it.” Is his code for saying that he’s going to wait to look for a house until he’s sure he’s going to survive this test first, there’s no use of a house when you’re a dead man after all. If all of this goes south, he might be 6ft under.

Sharon waits for him to come out and helps Shinichi dry his hair. “But for now, I need a place to meet them…”

“Sanctity Garden.”

“Eh?”

“Oh, you’ll like this place, my angel. It’s as private as private can be. A cool, princely glasshouse, all the nice food and exquisite tea you can enjoy while having your laptop on a table ready to craft out your perfect masterplan with your little friends.”

“A… greenhouse? A cafe in a greenhouse?”

“More of a lounge, but yes.”

He mumbles under his breath, wondering what kind of ideas rich people will come up with to push luxury to the limits but Sharon merely smiles, kissing the top of his head, and says that flowers don’t have ears.

But it’s ‘private as private can be’ and that’s exactly what he needs right now.

It’s outrageously pricey, but Shinichi forlornly admits that with the money he got from draining Nanami’s assassin’s guild’s bank accounts, it’s like spare change to him now.

“And it has everything I need?”

“Oh yes, isn’t it nice? It’s like your movie-esque little hideout.” She knows Shinichi doesn’t, and can’t bring himself to care for aesthetics but if he’s going to be all stressed about planning murder, at least he can be comfortable while doing it. “Make a reservation for a whole month and you’re all set.”

This feels so real now, he’s really going to text Shiho and Heiji where to meet him to do the unforgivable.

Shinichi wonders how he could ever repay their loyalty.

=

Always taking precautions, Heiji parks his motorcycle when he realized a motorcycle will stand out on this side of town. Shinichi, the detective that he is, seems to realize this too because not a minute later when he saw Heiji's GPS stopped, he called him.

“Harley, I sent a car for you, and I also sent a code for entry, just show it to the concierge.”

“Gotcha, see ya soon, Asoh.”

And sure enough, about five minutes later, Heiji saw a car pulling up at the curb waiting for him to enter.

Last night, Kudo called them yet again telling them to turn on their GPS and to go to a specific area in town, a more… prestigious part of it, so to speak. Kudo told him in painfully vague details of what he did to be able to afford everything he now owns, apparently, he not only foiled the assassination attempt on his father, but he also dismantled the very guild that the assassins were in contract with. Heiji didn’t know to what extent and how much funding he has at his disposal but uh, it seems to be… more than enough.

They arrived around 15 minutes later, nestled in a quiet, peaceful neighbourhood, his car entered the open porte cochere, greeted by the concierge, he was asked to type a code in a tablet and only when it was confirmed by their system was he allowed to enter.

Entering through its foyer, Heiji is led to a wide pathway to a garden where in the end, nestled a greenhouse that actually looks like a… well, house.

“Please enjoy your stay, Sir.”

“Uh, yeah.”

He’s left alone to walk the rest of the way, his eyes lingered for a split second on the subtle guards planted around the area, only then did it start to sink in that Kudo is…

That Kudo Shinichi is a full-blown criminal. That he lives a life of an anonymous serial killer, and that Heiji is helping him build this life, it sends shivers of what feels like fear down his spine, just this… uneasy feeling, like a cold wind before rain, like the smell of ash before a house fire, like a premonition of disaster.

Heiji arrived at the frosted glass entrance, opening the door to be bathed by the cool temperature of the AC, a relief from the heat outside.

There’s a table in the middle of the room, Shinichi lounging on a chair, his face in his hand as he looks down at the laptop in front of him.

“What? No butlers?”

“Just get inside, Harley…”

…

“Do ya still hafta call me that here…?” Shinichi peeks between his fingers, eyes closing with the faintest nod. Right. Can’t be too careful. “Alrighty then.” Heiji dumps himself on the chair next to Shinichi peeking at his friend’s laptop to see four screens showing live webcams of what seems to be the Tokyo MPD. Huh, far away from home then.

“Well, how’re we supposed to catch ‘im when he’s all the way in Tokyo?” Okay then, let’s start working.

“You know the police conference that’s going to be held two weeks from now?”

“Ah, yeah.” Of course Heiji knows, his own father is involved in the investigation there are serial killers on the loose who move in groups which are actively taking out high-ranking politicians in different regions and the police are forced to create dozens of convoluting joint investigations, Heiji stirs clear of the politics and continue to focus on the cases happening in his turf, but he knows that Tokyo MPD will be joining that conference also.

“Don’t worry.” Shinichi can read Heiji like a book because Heiji doesn’t bother trying to hide his feelings from him. Heiji is obviously afraid that whatever plan that Shinichi is cooking up, if he’s going to hit that conference, it will drag his father down with it too, and while his relationship with his old man isn’t the best, he still doesn’t want him to get hurt. “I won’t touch anyone there, Harley. Besides, it’s far too risky.”

“Uh-huh, so what’re ya gon’ do?”

“The police are going to gather in one place, they’re going to need a place to stay.”

“Wait… ya sayin’ ye’re gonna tryna sneak into the place or what?”

“Well–”

“Security won’t be easy to breach.”

Heiji jumps when he hears the door open, a woman’s melodic voice can be heard, a now familiar one at that.

Sherry, or Haibara Ai whom he knew in the past and whose real name he still isn’t aware of, walks in. Without any niceties, she settles her bag next to Shinichi. “Nice place, by the way, I ordered salmon pasta, I assume you’ll be paying for everything.”

“Yup, get whatever you want.”

“Good, because I’m going to need all the coffee and cocktails I can get.”

Without any preamble, Shiho set her giant, heavy bags of what’s apparently a screen, two laptops, and two speakers and Heiji, without saying anything just helped her hook up her little set-up over here.

“You must be Harley.”

“I uh, yea, nice to meetcha Hai– I mean, Sherry.”

Shiho gives him a look, they’re supposed to be mere strangers before this, it’s a role they have to play even with the promise of utmost privacy.

“So, Odagiri-keishicho? Are you going to fly us to Tokyo?”

Kudo then explains to her what his current plan is, it’s still in its infancy so Shinichi still isn’t sure if anything’s set in stone yet. Shiho said that since she’s still doing her university course full time, if Shinichi does want her to follow him on his… mission, she will have to come up with excuses, the same can be said for Heiji who isn’t restricted by any kind of contract from any institutions, if he suddenly flew to Tokyo around the time a Superintendent is murdered, he might as well put a red circle on his back.

“I’m not planning to fly any of you there, far too dangerous, I’ll already have someone there with me, they’ll keep me alive.”

God, it’s so nice talking to people who are just as smart as him because he doesn’t have to explain that the person would be Sharon, doesn’t have to explain that she’s there not only to protect him but to make sure he follows through with the job, making sure that his morals, whatever left of it anyway, do not give him any foolish ideas like to find a way to keep Odagiri alive.

“Alright.” Shiho breaks the silence, Heiji, knowing that time is of the essence, goes to the table that Shinichi had set up for him as Shinichi himself stands up, groaning while he shakes the new marker and peels away the protective layer of a brand new whiteboard.

“Let’s start.”

=

Asoh,

Asoh,

Wak…

“WAKE UP, ASOH!!!”

Shinichi jerked awake when Heiiji kicked the sofa that he dozed in on. “...What time is it?”

“It’s 10.30, you want me to wake you up, right?”

Right, Shinichi, as usual, can’t really sleep at night with everything that’s going on so he inevitably dozes off in the middle of the day, Heiji makes sure he doesn’t slack off too much though, he and Shiho alike.

“Wake up. Eat.” Shiho, still on her computer with an already empty bowl next to her, told Shinichi to eat the fried rice she ordered earlier and Shinichi, after being dragged by Heiji, is basically forced to eat it.

“You too.” Shiho nudge another bowl next to Heiji and the man awkwardly thanks her. Look, they have been working together for a week but he still feels awkward around her, he wants to make small talk, tell her that it’s a little weird to see her like ‘this’, all full-sized and all, but he doesn’t want her to poison his goddamn pomegranate salad.

Yes, it’s a whole week, they only have 3 more weeks to do this or else Shinichi will be killed, there’s no way around it. See, the thing is, Seiji Asoh brought this down on himself. He knows way too much, he wants to be part of the Organization not because he wants to live a life of a criminal, oh no, he made it obvious that he’s only there for Gin’s validation.

And Gin’s position is as high as you see, no amount of rookie or recruit will be allowed to even be in his view but if the little thief wants it so badly, if the cocky, insufferable thing thinks he’s good enough for it, then this is a test. And if he fails, he won’t just be punished, he will be killed on the spot. A useless boy that knows too much has no place in this world of theirs.

Heiji and Shiho will make sure that doesn’t happen, whatever it takes.

And what it takes is for Shinichi to kill this Odagiri as soon as possible. Isn’t it ironic? Shinichi used to be the most morally upstanding compared to both of them, and yet here he is now, their ‘leader’ in this group he created for one objective only; to take a life.

They decided that normal subterfuge was the best. It won’t be easy though, and most of it is also Shinichi’s fault. His little stunts (murders) have made the MPD more cautious about any new contact and protective of their peers and affiliates. It seems that the MI6 had agreed to help the NPA in investigating Sasaki Shachou’s death, knowing that the CEO was already investigated for his supposed involvement with another criminal enterprise and the MI6 wants all the evidence; recordings and DNA samples and such, for their own investigations. It’s a lot. But Shinichi already knows that.

What he did brings not only pressure from the inside but also from the outside, Superiors want to know how these murders keep happening one by one and how they’re connected, with multiple units mobilized to cover all potential leads. And…

“Ma Dad’s overseein’ these units, almost ten groups assigned in the Kansai region.”

“TEN?” Shiho knew it was going to be hard, but to that extent, and that’s only in the Kansai region.

“And there’s this thing.”

Heiji connects the screen to his computer, showing different names of institutions. “What am I looking at?” Shinichi asks because all he’s seeing right now are small food and cosmetics companies. But then Heiji displayed the names of their CEOs and Shinichi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How many…?”

“Four, prolly more tho. Look, takin’ down dat Assassin’s guild made ya a sweet little target, Asoh. They mostly want the money tho, nothin’ other than that.”

“If you pull this off, that won’t be a problem.” Shiho cuts in, her eyes still focused on the screen. Shinichi silently tells her to continue. “If you managed to get in, the Organization will make sure small fries can’t get to you, since they’ll see you as an asset, if they captured or tortured you, you won’t be able to work effectively.”

“How sweet.” Sarcasm dripping from his words, Shinichi isn’t surprised that the only reason they will protect him is because they want their members to work ‘effectively’ and not because they, you know, value his life. What does he expect though?

“Aight, moving on.” Heiji pulls up the roster and schedule on the screen. “Got this too.” Another long list, this one is for…

“Wow…” Shinichi gasped in amazement. “...Good job, Harley.”

It’s a list of hotels and the officers that are going to stay there during the Tokyo Conference. Hotel names even up to the floors and rooms. “How did you get this?” Shiho asks in bewilderment. Okay, so she knows she’s guilty of underestimating Heiji, she had a feeling that Shinichi only asked for his help because they’re friends but she’s obviously wrong.

“Goro Otaki.”

Shinichi turns to look at Heiji, despite the calm, neutral expression on his face, Shinichi knows that he feels guilty. And Shinichi is frankly surprised, Heiji thinks of Otaki almost like family, and yet he betrays him, using Otaki’s trust towards him for his own gain.

How? Shinichi wonders. How am I going to pay you back, Hattori…

“You only have one chance, Seiji,” Shiho drags his head back to the present, her eyes piercing into his soul with how serious she is. “Either you get him there, or you’ll run out of time.”

Right. They only have three weeks left, Shiho’s… poison, works slowly, it’ll take more than a week for it to activate so Shinichi will have to infiltrate the Tokyo Conference, find a way to get into his hotel one way or another, and then administer it, if it all goes to plan, Odagiri will be dead a few days before the deadline.

Odagiri will die for Seiji Asoh to live.

…

“I… need a way in…” Shinichi says, his sounds exhausted, throwing himself onto the sofa. “Let’s go through our–”

He stops when he sees a shadow covering his face, Heiji standing behind him, sliding the tip of a cigarette filter between his lips. “Don’ sweat it.” Shinichi closed his eyes when Heiji taps his forehead with his finger. “I already got ya a way in.”

=

“Good luck, Hirota nee-san~”

Shinichi almost punched Heiji in the face when the guy just wouldn’t stop teasing him about his disguise. For some reason, Heiji managed to get his Masami Hirota’s persona into the guest list. It’s odd, Hirota is supposed to be a mere CSI intern of the Osakan precinct, the Tokyo Conference is far too exclusive of an event that she has no business attending.

But Heiji managed to squeak in her name amongst the other CSI who were going to present the evidence to one of the bombing cases that the Tokyo MPD has been working tirelessly on. In a case that big, it wouldn’t be much surprise for the CSI to be absolutely thorough and bring more personnel than necessary.

The plan is simple. Odagiri is known to not take caffeine and does not smoke, all he drinks all day long are plain water and during a long conference, his glass will probably be the only one with mineral water in it, Shinichi only has to inject the poison into the water, chill it so the dew will cover any excess liquid trickling out of the syringe even though he’s confident that it won’t, and made sure that he’s the only one that will drink it.

It’s good because despite the risk, the fact that Shinichi is doing this in the middle of the crowd and not anywhere private like a hotel or a restaurant, it will be harder to track him down for he is just yet another CSI, someone wearing the same exact police jacket as the others, as forgettable as possible.

A few days before the Tokyo Conference started, Shinichi booked a flight and stayed in a hotel, Sharon won’t be staying with him but he knows she will be shadowing him the whole way. Shinichi knows this is for her safety as well, no doubt that Rum would appoint Vermouth to spy on the ‘little thief’, see how he works and report straight back to him. But if she’s seen helping him in any way then it’s game over. Despite having her near, this is the first time that he will be completely alone.

“Don’t hesitate, get in and get out of there as fast as you can.” Shiho said to him back then, he knows how she is as a person, so he was the one who initiated the hug, she hugged him back silently, he could hear her unsaid words clearly. ‘Stay alive. I can’t see you buried twice.’

And so here he is now, yanking his heels off his feet the moment he stepped into his hotel room.

God… he hates disguising as a woman. Heiji asked why he seemed to prefer a female disguise and Shinichi said that women look less threatening and while that is true, Shinichi knew he was not fooling anyone, much less Heiji of all people.

Heiji knows that Shinichi prefers a female disguise because it makes him look as different as possible in the mirror, it makes it easier for him to sleep at night when he walks around with a murder weapon in his hand wearing a face that isn’t his. It helps him dissociate from the act, one look at any reflective surface and all he sees are long braided hair and red lips, eyes a different colour framed with light make-up. That’s not how he looks like, that person is as far away as he originally looks and it… makes it easier. Psychology is such an odd game.

The day of the Conference came and Shinichi drank two pills of his stabilizers, drinking more ice-cold water than he probably should to prepare himself to do what needed to be done. What needs… to be done?

…

You don’t need this.

You don’t need to kill an innocent person, Kudo Shinichi.

You don’t need to poison anyone.

Just admit it.

You don’t need it.

You just want to do it.

You want to kill him. Kudo Shinichi.

=

Shiho closes her laptop and makes her way to the sofa when Heiji is lounging on, his elbow on the armrest, his face leaning on his palm while Shiho crosses her hands over her chest, eyes glued to the TV.

‘An inside source had confirmed that the victim is indeed Chief Superintendent Odagiri Toshiro, the cause of death is unknown and the police have not released any other detail of the case.’

Inside source, huh? Shiho tilts her head ever so lightly at Heiji who gives her the slightest nod, affirming her suspicions that he is indeed the one who leaked the information. Just in case.

“This… is enough, right?” Heiji asks, turning off the TV.

“He did what Gin asked him to do. What happens next is out of our hands now.”

Right. Shinichi is in Tokyo about to either be murdered, tortured, or initiated in that fucking Organization and Heiji is stuck here in Osaka for the foreseeable future.

This is agonizing.

Just… waiting. Not being able to do anything…

Heiji is surprised but he doesn’t bother to ask when Shiho pulls out a tin of cigarettes, lighting one for both of them, Heiji taking a drag of the nicotine, feeling a weird sense of camaraderie with Sherry for the first time. After all, fear, just like love, brings people together.

=

Isn’t this what you want?

Kudo Shinichi?

Isn’t this what you deserve?

Shinichi comes to when he was already blindfolded, the dryness in his mouth and the massive headache indicate that he must’ve been knocked out by a poison, his hands and feet bound together by hinged handcuffs, and, different from the normal chains, the nonexcepted wiggle room incapacitates him completely.

His mouth is also stuffed with a cloth gag, if he didn’t spend fucking hours locked inside of a mortuary, he would’ve panicked by now. Heh, how ironic it is that the act of dying helps him survive.

He knows that he’s in the trunk of some car, he… tries to remember what happened though.

He remembered coming out of his Tokyo hotel, he remembers… looking at his plane ticket, already carrying his luggage about to go to the airport. “Haneda Airport, please.” Well… He remembers that he talked to the driver, nothing seemed suspicious. He stayed in Tokyo until Odagiri’s death was confirmed, and when it did, to make sure that he didn’t spiral from overthinking, he forced his mind to think of something else and decided to go to Osaka pronto to… what? He’ll think about it later, all he wanted was to get out of Tokyo as soon as possible.

But…

He remembered the taxi coming to an abrupt spot, he remembered two people opening the door at the same time and–

Ah… that must be when he was drugged, the classic chloroform gas.

Now… where is he?

The car eventually slows to a stop. The smell of gasoline, asphalt and rust invades his nose, he wants to breathe in fresh air but this place smells like hell.

He groans onto the gag when he feels two pairs of hands grabbing him by each arm, dragging him out of the trunk and onto the dirty floor, feeling gravel digging into his cheek and chin. The relief of having his hands and feet uncuffed is short-lived when his gag and blindfold come off.

…

Gin kicked his shoulder until he got up, or at least tried to, the man pulling him up by the hair when Shinichi continued to stumble.

…

“O… Odagiri’s dead…” Shinichi hissed, as if thinking that Gin somehow missed the news and was now going to kill him. Shinichi can’t read that fucking smirk. He’s going to go insane.

The room is pitch black, the goons that carried him here bowed before leaving. He’s left in a… ware… house? There’s nothing in this place, just a bunch of rusty unused tables and storage cabinets, the walls are made with concrete, and it’s probably thick enough to dampen any sounds. Any… screams.

“We know.”

Shinichi’s breath hitch. This warehouse is so dark, only a single light illuminating them and he could see someone sitting just right behind the light’s reach, a man smoking a cigar without a care. He… knows. He knows that voice, knows that… face. He saw it once, only once.

Rum.

Who… else is here? Even Vodka isn’t here, but there’s someone else next to him, a… woman, a woman with long white hair and… different coloured eyes…? Only… only 3 people…?

He can’t say for sure though, his vision is still blurry…

“Poison, how easy.” Gin yanked his hair again to get his attention, Shinichi hissed, trying to claw his hands off but he can’t even feel his arms, how useless.

Shinichi’s still clouded brain is trying to think. If he’s trying to follow Seiji’s character, he would be making sarcastic remarks because joking around is Seiji’s response to stress since he isn’t capable enough to think of anything else.

But, not only does Shinichi not have the power to pretend, in the end, Seiji Asoh is supposed to be a teenager, an immature, emotionally stunted kid who bit more than he can chew. Seiji is a human in the end, and Shinichi is also only a fucking human, and he’s terrified out of his mind.

Is this it, then…?

Shinichi was on the phone with Sharon yesterday who told him that Gin and Rum had been informed of his success, now, the result of their judgement is not her to speculate but she was ‘optimistic’, and she she told him of an… initiation process.

It’s apparently a different thing with every member, no case is the same, sometimes the only thing you have to do is shake hands, those are usually individuals who are already extremely powerful on their own, someone with a status and financial power that can rival the Organization itself, no matter the age, it’s transactional. Sometimes things take a more mentally taxing route, usually involving blackmail, but there’s also a physical part, a part where the newcomer will lose days and nights trying to recover, if ever.

Shinichi asked point blanked if he had to be tortured and Sharon didn’t give him an answer. She told him of what she knew so far; Rum and Gin already knew Seiji Asoh’s past, of all his troubled childhood, his complete separation from his family, his overachieving nature and the way it ruined his promising future, they dug deeper, entertaining the rumours that maybe Seiji had a part in his healthy father’s sudden heart attack and they find that promising.

She told him that they concluded that he’s just, for lack of a better word, a lone wolf child who is too smart for his own good with no known affiliation other than himself. They probably won't hurt him, what’s there to get out of a child, after all? But they might go a little excessive in punishing him later if he ever disappoints them, setting him up to fail just so he knows the price of failure.

Shinichi knows the only way out is through, and while he traverses down to hell, of course he’ll be burned every step of the way.

Gin kept him in place when Rum approached him, Shinichi’s breathing getting more rapid as he saw that large hand coming closer to his face. As if on cue, Gin let go of his grip, Shinichi, caught off guard, dropped down to the floor and toppled to his back. Rum standing above him, Shinichi hissed when the cigar’s excess ash landed on his chest and the leftover ember burned through his white shirt.

His fingers are still numb as he tries to crawl away when Rum crouch next to him, looming over him, watching as this kid, barely awake from the chloroform sedative, stares up at him with eyes wide in fear.

An amused grin slowly grows on his face as his hand cups Shinichi’s cheek with surprising gentleness, something that Shinichi can’t process because then, his thumb slowly comes closer to his eye . Thinking of the worst, he is completely frozen in fear, that thumb that smells like ash lands on his actual eyeball, on his iris, and Shinichi feels bile rising in his stomach, thinking that he’s about to have his eyes gauged out, only for…

He realized too late as to why the touch didn’t hurt, because Rum’s thumb didn’t dig in, didn’t put any pressure whatsoever, all he did was slide his thumb ever so slightly to the side and–

…

Shinichi realized that Rum noticed that he’s wearing contact lenses. That he was just sliding the realistic lens away to see the colour of his real iris underneath.

His breathing got even faster, Rum knows, he– he knows, Shinichi isn’t sure to what extent, but…

He gasped out when Rum pulled his thumb back, the contact easily sliding back into place, Gin wasn’t able to see what had taken place because he didn’t react, didn’t seem to notice and call him on his bluff or anything like that.

Shinichi’s eyes are slowly able to focus and they squint in confusion, trying to read the label on the… bottle, that Gin is holding…

“...!” He tries to say something but nothing comes out, only his little yelp of shock as he is grabbed by the neck, the neck that still has traces of yellow and purple despite it being weeks after the act. The memory of his ‘near-death experience’ explodes in his brain, trying to fight his way out which made Gin, that fucking devil incarnate, grin even bigger.

His wish was granted though, because Gin pulled him up before viciously slamming him down to a– metal, metal table; rusty, unused, digging scraps through his thin shirt.

His back arched up high and his mouth opened as wide as it could to breathe in as much air as he physically could. The pain took a second to register before his fingers curled and his head shook in pain.

As if that’s not enough, as if that’s not fucking enough,

Gin let go of his neck only for a second, that demon actually climbed onto the table, looming over Shinichi’s body.

For a second, Shinichi thought that this is it, that Gin is going to pull out a knife and carve his face in, or, because he likes his neck so fucking much, he might stab his throat in deep, till the edge burst out of the other side, maybe he’ll enjoy watching Shinichi choke on his own blood. Who knows, when it comes to the art of murder, Gin is an artist.

But none of that happened, the hand that was squeezing his neck now digging into his jaw, his thumb lodged between Shinich’s teeth, pressing down viciously on his tongue, prying his mouth open.

He internally screams, and then physically tries to as well but he can’t, he CAN’T.

Because Gin had kept his mouth open so he could pour and pour what seemed to be a whole bottle of liquor inside his mouth.

Shinichi viciously started coughing, struggling with all his power, his desperation and fear fueling his adrenaline to no avail, Gin is far stronger than he is, almost inhumanely so.

That liquor tastes like actual fire in his mouth, he doesn’t have any choice, he– he doesn’t have any choice! All he can do is drink or he would drown. However, he could only down a few gulps because the liquor filled him faster than he could drink and it flooded his mouth, most of it overflowing down his cheeks and to the metal below.

Shinichi’s sure he will die when some of the liquor spills into his nose canal, coughing and choking on burning liquor until–

With what power left in him, when the bottle empties, Shinichi grabs the edge of the table to yank himself up and lurch to his side, vomiting uncontrollably on the dirty concrete, he screamed at the pain, having to blow his nose to no avail as it had dripped into his windpipe, effectively shooting pain straight to his brain.

Despite his fully dampened ears, he can still hear Gin’s loud, frightening laughter, Shinichi’s agony acting like prime entertainment for that man.

It only takes barely a minute for Shinichi to feel the effect of the ridiculous amount of hard liquor he ingested. His vision is blurry, he’s– Drunk. He’s going to get drunk out of his mind if he doesn’t die from alcohol poisoning first.

Shinichi hisses and pulls away when someone’s hand tilt his chin to the left, Shinichi opens his eyes to see Rum examining his face yet again before turning around and nonchalantly walking away.

No.

NO…

Come back…

Don’t leave me alone…

Don’t leave me alone with HIM .

It’s insane how in his situation, he feels safer with someone else’s presence, doesn’t matter who, just don’t fucking leave him with–

Gin grabbed his jaw and yank his face back, moving his face left and right with that sinister smile of his. As if telling Shinichi to abandon all hope.

He can’t think. The liquor already starting to wreck his body, his eyes roll to the back of his head, barely registering when Gin tap his cheek with the empty bottle before pulling his hand back and with one rapid motion, he shatters the thing to pieces just right above Shinichi’s head, glass shards explodes and falls around them like rain.

Shards from a bottle of clear distilled Moonshine, just enough to kill.

Now, die or not, his life is up to fate to decide.

With all his senses barely working, Shinichi felt cruel fingers grip the front of his shirt, the sound of it ripping sounds extra sharp in his ear despite his dampened hearing. It doesn’t stop, he hears the loud sound of his shirt and belt being ripped to shreds.

He hears… the sound of a bottle opening, his senses are shocked one last time as his body is drenched with a bottle of Gin , emptied haphazardly from his legs up to his face, for what purpose… he doesn’t have the power to think of.

That cursed predator, watching as its prey loses consciousness, as the eyes of this cocky little one slowly close, Gin's face the last thing he sees.

Before that, he hears;

“Congratulations on a good kill. ‘That person’ likes you, little thief, or should I say,” Gin's voice is sharp, a voice hissed out with a frightening grin.

“Moonshine.”

Another bottle of unaged whiskey for a codenamed young.

Chapter 11: Becoming

Chapter Text

Shinichi lifts his face up from the water, his nose inhaling the sharp cold night air, body submerged to the shoulder to keep himself warm.

The hot springs helps immensely with his headache. He honestly thought that hangovers only last a day, but it’s been three days since he survived that godawful ordeal and he still feel sick to the stomach… He wonders if it’s even real pain, if it’s not just some placebo effect fueled by the nightmares.

“Kudo.”

“Yeah…?”

“Man, yer tea’s gettin’ cold.”

“Ah… yeah.”

Shinichi straightens up, holding the cup of hot ocha in his hands and taking small sips, Shiho on his side is holding a bottle of sake, tilting it ever so lightly as a silent question if he wants some and Shinichi would rather die a painful death than drink another drop of alcohol. She shrugs with a little nod, pouring some for her and Heiji instead.

…

All things considered, things could’ve gone way worse.

He looks around the small hot spring all three of them are soaking in, the engawa of their hotel room just a step away. A comfortable hot spring establishment in the middle of nowhere in Osaka, he really needs to thank Heiji for this little ‘hideout’, even if they’re only going to stay here for a while.

Shinichi feels eyes on him, and when he peeks to the side, he sees Heiji’s gaze dead set on the bruises on his neck and faint yellow marks allover his bodies. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, Hattori.”

“Can’t even bullshit proper, ya oughtta be embarrassed, Kudo.”

“Mhmm.”

He can’t even pretend to care as he leans back agains the stones, taking in another deep breath, it burns his nose and it feels good.

The initiation was done 3 days ago, Shinichi remembered falling asleep and waking up the next day in a hospital, settled in a suite so at least he knew he wasn’t just dumped here. His contacts were gone and it got him panicked a little but the nurse who was rushing to his room right after said that they had to take it out when they noticed it, but not before he was dropped in.

‘Dropped in?’ He asked, and yes, it turned out he was dropped in by an ambulance, telling them that he was involved in a car accident, hence the bruises, that he got too drunk at a party and took a taxi home but his car collided with a truck, thankfully, both he and the taxi drivers are fine, they found his identities in his pocket and admitted him in, the whole process will be taken care of later but he needed to rest first.

It was… humiliating, having people thinking that he did that to himself and not because he was pinned down, force-fed a whole bottle of liquor until he was puking it all out. But that probably saved his life, by puking most of it, he saved himself from severe alcohol poisoning, and the Organization must’ve created the accident cover.

Once Shinichi was healthy enough to move, he immediately checked out, in his belongings, he found a new phone, sighing as he knew why the hell he needed this for and who gave it to him.

Sharon hadn’t checked in on him so he knew she must’ve been aware that he was alive. And when he turned on his GPS, he got Heiji Hattori almost crashing his bike on the way to pick him up from the hospital.

“Wer’ getting ya outta here.” He said. Where, Shinichi asks, and Heiji didn’t say a thing, only stuffed Shinichi into the earliest plane he can find, couldn’t give a shit at the fact that Shinichi is still dying, he passed out yet again, and when he woke up… he found himself in this inn.

Shiho was there too, apparently, all of them decided that he needed to be hidden for a while since the police were doing a major crackdown on every single member of that guest list and Masami Hirota was not immune to it, it seemed like Sharon took his place for him and he’s… safe, for now at least.

‘Yer fuckin’ mom told me to drag ya away,’

His mom…? Apparently, that’s what Heiji is calling Sharon as now, just, his fucking mom who doomed Shinichi’s life to ruins.

But for now, he’s here, eating sashimi and soaking in a private hot spring with both Shiho and Heiji, the most… bizarre scenario he can think of and he’s currently living it.

“Vermouth said that you need to move out.”

“Did she…?”

“Yes.” Shiho puts more food on his plate, insisting that he eats, she doesn’t care if he pukes it out later, for now, he needs something in his stomach and hot tea is not going to cut it. “She told us everything that happened.”

…

Everything, huh?

At least she doesn’t interrogate him during dinner, he’s incredibly comfortable now, everything considered, just… sitting around with his friends, his now partners, his accessory to murder, while they’re all puffy from the bath, wearing a yukata with their hair still damp, they all have individual bedrooms but for some reason, Shiho and Heiji insist on sleeping in his, Shinichi knows they’re just worried about him, but still.

“Guess I have to find an apartment to stay for now, while I, uh…” When Shinichi first started this, he didn’t think that ‘house hunting’ would be on his to-do list somewhere down the line but here he is, he knows why Sharon is telling him to leave, now that he’s a full-fledged member, his presence will be monitored and they cannot, in any way shape or form, look like they’re close.

“So, I was thinkin’ an open plan house is best, ya know. Big space, easy access and all dat.”

“I still think we need to use a multi-story plan, you need a place to separate your living area and everything else.”

“Oh, c’mon! Das gon take waaayy too much space! And expensive as hell!”

“Kudo-kun has the money for it.”

“Yea, whateva, so, I know some architects, good ones, I’m gon’ contact ‘em later and we can…”

The duo continue talking about house planning and Shinichi is just sitting there chewing on his soba noodles. Just when did his future house turn into a group project? They don’t even ask for his input, already busy talking about the importance of his, as Heiji calls it ‘war room’, and as Shiho calls it, ‘office space.’ Talking about how anything but brutalist architecture is fine because signals will be astronomically hard to get with all those lays of brick and concrete and while a victorian design is much too complicated, Shiho is all about minimalist interior, or at least contemporary.

Shinichi has tuned it all out, he’ll let those two argue it out but… The fact that they’re going to these lengths to help him, how they, despite their own moral standings and the fact that they are now also criminals by proxy, still continue to stand by his side despite everything he did and what he will have to do is…

He’s getting choked up while slurping on noodles and it’s pathetic, what did he do to deserve such loyal friends, hm? The old Shinichi Kudo deserves those kinds of friends, but not Seiji Asoh, not Moonshine, not the newest Black Organization member that just took down one of the most prominent figures in Japanese law enforcement agencies.

Somewhere along the line, Shiho had whipped up her laptop out of nowhere and talked about bedroom sizes and Shinichi finally snaps out of it. “Woah, woah, what do you mean ‘bedrooms’?”

“Well, if you are not aware, Kudo-kun, humans need a proper place to rest and bedrooms are somewhat of a necessity.”

“You guys are planning to… live with me? What? But… You already have your…”

“Kudo.” Heiji cuts him off. “We ain’t gon’ abandon ya.”

Not this far down the line, not when everything had gone to hell. They’re in this together now, all three of them.

“‘Sides, I also need a… favor.”

“Hm?”

“I need yer help too, Kudo.”

“Both of us do.”

Ah. Shinichi nods, and for the first time, he lifts his glass and shares the toast with all three of them.

=

Shinichi looks down from his high-rise apartment, finally back to Tokyo around 3 days later. All in all, he’s been gone for a week and yet it feels like a month.

“Understood.” His voice still croaks, it’s like he can still hear the glee in Gin’s voice, knowing that the damage he did to the young still lingers till now, and will probably stay for days and weeks after. Shinichi cuts the call, looking down at his phone and fighting all his desire to throw that thing onto the nearest hard surface until it breaks into pieces. But all he does is put it on the table as he dumps his body onto the bed.

His private phone rings, Shinichi puts it on his ear as he squirms around to get comfortable.

“AY! KU– ASOOOH!”

“Harley, your voice…”

“Aight, aight, sorry. Hey, did ya see the things Sherry lady sent ya?”

“The… house?”

“Ye!”

“Way too big.”

“No, it’s not!”

“Harley…” Shinichi sighs as Heiji goes on a long rant about how the house is just the perfect size, enough space for his ‘office’ downstairs, cozy bedrooms upstairs, a whole garden, a goddamn fish pond, and all the things that he doesn’t need. Shinichi knows why he’s so enthusiastic about it. “Just say that you like this house already…”

“Aha, guessed it, huh?”

There’s a long pause before Shinichi sighs. “Alright, I’ll give it a go, send me the address.”

“Comin’ right up! Imma send ya the realtor’s number too, just in case ya wanna sign it on the spot!”

Just what is the damn hurry? He knows that Heiji had created a cover for a long-term case in Tokyo, and Shiho is moving here to finish her thesis, but it’ll still take a month at the very least.

But who is he to say? They’re the ones who want the damn house, Shinichi was fine with an apartment, a cozy condo even, but he has both the money and resource for a whole mansion and Heiji is treating him like a millionaire.

…Which he kinda is, all things considered. After he took down Nanami’s syndicate, he has more money than he knows what to do with. He’s just glad that Heiji and Shiho settled with a more minimalist architecture.

He ends the call and is about to take a fat nap when his bell rings.

Ugh, who is it now…?

He stands up and walks to the door, peeking through the peephole, and seeing a stranger standing there, just waiting. Shinichi knows who that is and so, he easily opens the door, letting Sharon inside.

The moment the door closed, she pulled him straight into her arms. Her hug is tight and firm, refusing to let him go for the longest time. And when she does, she cups his cheeks and presses a kiss to his forehead. They spend the afternoon together talking about the situation, as usual, she was called in by Rum a few days ago, saying that they officially have a new member, she already knew of course, but it felt different hearing it from the man himself.

Sharon saw the bruises on his neck and didn’t comment about it, why should she? Nothing but pain will come out of learning unnecessary details. All she needed to know was the fact that Gin didn’t leave any… lingering, long-term damage in his body, despite almost killing him from alcohol poisoning.

“Gin called me.” Sharon sighs, fingers rubbing her forehead as she gestures at Shinichi to continue. “He wants me to come to the Opera house, on the 31st.”

“That’s only three days from now.”

“Yes.”

“What does he want?”

“He said that I’ll be briefed on the mission when I arrive there, I’ll be meeting with Tequila.”

“…Tequila.” Just as she expected, there’s something odd with the way Gin and Rum is treating Shinichi. She wonders why that is, in their knowledge, Seiji Asoh is just a lonewolf with no ulterior motives, and it’s like not like he brings something extremely rare to the table. They curated Seiji Asoh to be interesting and cunning, just enough to garner attention, but not enough to be considered a large enough threat for constant surveillance nor any special treatment.

Is it because of his age? Because, unlike those recruited from familial bonds or connections, no one this young has been able to be ranked this ‘high’ from the moment of their initiation. Sherry, she noted, was a scientist, and she inherited her codename from Hell’s angel, her mother, she wasn’t initiated like other members.

But again, it can’t just be his age, no? Shinichi only turned 20 this year, not even Curaçao was as young as him.

What… is Rum trying to do? If she compares it to how he treated Curaçao, it looks like he’s planning on grooming Shinichi into another one of his loyal pawns, devoid of nothing but devotion to him and the Organization, especially one like Seiji Asoh. But… Is there–

“Sharon?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve met Tequila before.”

“Have you?” Her thoughts are cut short when Shinichi tells her that he met Tequila during ‘that time’, a time he avoids mentioning like a plague, his time as Conan. He told her that Tequila was almost murdered by someone else by a suitcase bomb, and yet caught on before the thing could explode, Conan remembered how he disappeared before the EMT could arrive. He has no idea what state he is in now.

“I say his rank is almost as high as Vodka, but no one is ranked as high as Vodka in Gin’s eyes. He likes that obedient dog too much.”

“Hm.” Conan is not interested in Vodka, if there’s more to know about that man aside from his past as a contract killer, he hid it well. “That means he wouldn’t have any need of me.” And that means Gin is assigning Tequila to him and not the other around. Heh, he’s looking for excuses.

Sharon left when she confirmed that her precious Shinichi is indeed still alive, from now on, she needs to keep her involvement to the minimum. Shinichi knows that the notion scares her, but he’s too tired to comfort her, she just needs to trust in his abilities. And his determination. And his cruelty.

Cruelty…

Shinichi sighs, looking at the address he typed on his notepad, memorizing the address before deleting it completely. Two days from now, Tokyo Opera City Hall…

=

Shinichi had been here with his parents before.

Yusaku and Yukiko have a taste for music, he supposes they still have that now, but ever since his death, they’ve been cooped up at home, it’s been 2 years and they have stayed in Tokyo, in that house, mourning him. Their only son died, his own parents are stuck in time and he can’t do anything about it.

He tries not to think about the horrible, irreversible damage he had done to his parents, he wonders if it’s better for them to think that Shinichi Kudo is dead, or to know that he had turned into Seiji Asoh, that their child had turned into a killer.

A killer.

Stop fighting it.

The voices have not stopped since the first time he shot Nanami through her skull.

You’re a killer, Shinichi Kudo.

It talks to him at night, it haunts him in his walking days. It reminds him of how he felt, of how he…

You got what you wanted, Shinichi.

He did, didn’t he?

You killed so many, and you got what you wanted.

He did.

And now you want more.

He doesn’t want it.

But you do. You want more. And now.

He hears footsteps approaching.

How many lives will you take this time, to get what you want?

“Moonshine.”

Seiji tilts his head ever so lightly as Tequila stands next to him, looking over the empty stage from the loge. Then the both of them sit down on the chair across from one another. He looks bored, he knows that Moonshine will usually look challenging, he’d like to gloat or tease, but he’s too tired to wear that mask everywhere, this one works as well, he made an impression that he’s only looking for Gin’s, and now, Rum’s attention because of their position, Tequila is ranked slightly lower, why would his enthusiasm be the same.

Tequila hands him a folder, always hard copies when it comes to initial briefings. Seiji opens it and scans the profile briefly, his brow twitching. Now what in the world…

Toshio Moroboshi, now why does he keep getting…

“Tell me the game.”

“Simple house cleaning.”

“Why?”

“The Organization does not need any traitors, that’s all you should know.”

“No.” Seiji cuts him off, for the first time, he finally looks at Tequila face-to-face. “I need to understand the dirt that I’m supposed to be cleaning.”

“Find a way in and kill him without rousing suspicions, we need to get rid of him before he officially signs inheritance to his grandchild.”

“Tell me, or I’ll decline.”

Seiji hears the click before he finds himself staring up the barrel of a gun, the safety off and finger on the trigger that he knows Tequila is itching to pull. “Pulling out of a mission is not really an option, Moonshine.”

“Watch me.”

It’s easier this way.

Slipping into Moonshine’s persona, it’s easy for Shinichi, for Seiji, to play the game of life and death.

He knows exactly what’s happening here. Gin is eager for him to fail so that he can punish him as a result, so he can torture him the second time, and maybe the third, and maybe the fourth.

He’d take the pain he knows he will have to feel sooner or later, but that pain is not one of them.

The muzzle now pressed on his forehead, still cold, Shinichi knows the warmth of burned steel the first time he was threatened with real death as Conan. And yet he won’t back down. Gin wants him to fail. He won’t. He too can play hard to get in this disgusting game.

Tequila clicks the safety back on and slides his gun back into its holster.

“Moroboshi’s company went bankrupt and he refused to give the rights to his properties and investments to us, violating our agreement.”

“If we kill him, then his family will get the rights either way.”

“Moroboshi’s daughters have married out, he has no male heir.”

“Is he that archaic?”

“Yes.”

Asshole, he’s one of those old-school money that refuse to think of women as competent people, but he’s not here to argue with a soon-to-be dead man. “It’d be easier to let him live, if he dies, his legal team can be involved.”

“Our orders are to kill him.”

“He has no heir.”

“He has a grandson.”

Seiji does his absolute best to keep his expression levelled.

Hideki…

No. “We’re going to kill five other people, then?”

Tequila gives him an unimpressed stare, but there’s the slightest bit of curiosity there, enough for Seiji to play into. “Moroboshi has three daughters, two of them married into other tech companies, and one of them has blood ties to the Ministry of Defence. A politician.”

“And?”

“You know what they’ll do if they smell blood.”

Right. Politicians are just like killers, now that he knows more, he can see the structure of things more clearly. Politics is a field that has no clear standard, everyone there either claw their way up or got their position through simple nepotism. The families that created empires have to continuously guard their territory by any means necessary, jumping into that pool of sharks, you have to be prepared to kill the predators.

“We need Moroboshi dead.”

Seiji closes his eyes in a show of brief exasperation before straightening up, tossing the file onto the table between them. “Fine. What do you want me to do?”

“Why don’t you tell me.”

Seiji doesn’t bother to hide his unamused expression. “Give me the requirements first.”

“None, all the resources at your disposal, including the mercenaries.”

Mercanies. Right. Sharon told him of those. In the Organization, there are unofficial roles that group codename members together. The investigators, such as Bourbon and Kir; mercenaries, such as Calvados and Rye; and strategists, such as Riesling, Curaçao, and Gin himself, then the groups branch out even more into further saturated circles; Sherry, she mentioned, was a scientist codenamed for her expertise and relation to her influential mother. They’re usually paired up together, Moonshine, he, in this case, is classified as a strategist.

Or at least considered as a potential for one, seeing how he is being tested now. Gin gave him a puzzle, now he has to solve it.

Both he and Tequila know that he needs time to create a plan, the short-term one for the execution of Moroboshi, and the plan to secure his inheritance, including his property and investment.

That asshole gave him only one week to plan. Why a week? Because Morobosi is scheduled to leave the country for his heart treatment in Switzerland, leaving for months and there’s also a possibility of a power struggle during his absence, something everyone knows will be a mess.

Seiji returns from that meeting with a ridiculously sharp headache, knowing that this is his life now.

Toshio Morboshi.

The voice in his head starts talking yet again as he drives to his next destination.

I wonder how you’ll do it, Shinichi.

He punches in the coordinates of the house Heiji wants him to check out. The house that he wants him to buy, in cash, on the spot.

You like puzzles, don’t you?

This is ridiculous, does Heiji really want a house in such an exclusive neighbourhood?

How will you get rid of him this time? Will it be quick? A gunshot in the head like sweet Nanami, an undetected poison like Odagiri?

Just how big is this house? Does Heiji not know the meaning of the word subtlety?

Which one is the better option, hm, Shinichi?

Which one do you like more, Shinichi?

Which one will make you feel… Good?

“AH!!!”

Shinichi slams the break, hitting his forehead on the wheel as he screams his lungs out, his fists hitting the dashboard again and again. “SHUT UP!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!!” The car muffles his unrestrained wails, the sobbing that follows right after it.

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!”

=

“Can you drain it? I won’t have any use for it.”

“Of course, Sir. But may I ask what are you planning to do with the space?”

“I’m not sure.”

Shinichi walks at the edge of the fish pond, pristinely kept with healthy vegetations. This whole house is well kept, with pieces of furniture complete for display.

“Everything is already functional, of course, we can renovate and repurpose the interior to your preference.” The realtor, bless her heart, has been talking non-stop, giving Shinichi the tour of the house. “May I suggest a swimming pool then? I can talk to our architect and interior designer.”

“Mhmm.”

“Is there any–”

“How long will the process take?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’ll buy this house. How long will it take?”

“We can finish everything today? It will only take a couple of hours at most, we need to–”

“Great. What do I have to sign?”

The realtor has that standard smile on her face but Sharon had taught him well enough to read the bewildered look on her face.

In the next couple of minutes, she returns to her car to grab all of the equipment and papers that Shinichi has to sign, his signatures both real and virtual, approving contractors and cleaning companies that will renovate and care for the house. But before he can finish signing everything, he pauses and pulls out his phone, calling someone.

It takes two dials for the person to answer.

“Harley?”

“ASOOOOOOOH! Wassup???”

“Do you want a pool?”

=

“Hideki’s mother.”

“Ah, yes. The third daughter, she’s been dead for a while now.”

“The first daughter, his aunt. It’s been 6 years since she married her husband and after years of treatments and IVF programs, she’s finally pregnant.” Seiji passes the files to Tequila, the profile of the Aunt and her husband.

“Are you going to kill it?’

It.

Seiji feels his stomach turn, he’s talking about a baby and all they are to Tequila are just insignificant things .

“And break her? No. But she has been Hideki’s unofficial godmother, ever since his real mother died, she has been raising the boy, she’s very emotionally vulnerable right now, and her husband is the most sympathetic of the other three. If she’s somehow… informed, of the suspicious activity of people trying to attack Hideki, she’ll push for the position of heir to his inheritance both to save Hideki and keep the family business going, despite everything, if Toshio is dead, she will be the default heir.”

“He had already named Hideki as his successor.”

“Hideki is a child.” Seiji pushed. “He can sign off his rights if he wants to, he just needs a little push.”

“That will take a long time.”

“Fighting with five other people will take years longer.”

Tequila leans back against his chair, thinking.

It’s been three days since Shinichi bought the house and Seiji called a meeting to discuss his plan with Tequila, so far, Seiji has given him three different options in the matter of inheritance, it’s up to Tequila to pick which one, he is the ‘leader’ in this operation after all.

Seiji makes sure though that all of those options will keep Hideki alive.

He knows the boy from his time as Conan; he’s innocent, hands still pure of any blood and mind still uncorrupted by the cruelty of politics. His only sin was being born as the only male hair to a sexist patriarch of a crumbling family.

“We’ll keep the boy alive then.” Seiji swallows down his relieved sigh. “Now how are you going to kill Toshio Moroboshi.”

Seiji tilts his head, leaning back and crossing his arms. “He has a heart problem.”

“I see, and how are you going to pull that off.”

…

“A man that age, desperate to stay alive. I heard that there’s an experimental treatment for CHD.”

“Gin was right about you.”

“…Excuse me?”

“Unfiltered whiskey.” His finger twitched. “Like a little russian roulette.”

=

“Time of death: 02.30 AM”

Gin replayed the audio file that Moonshine sent to him not even an hour ago, one week after he assigned Tequila to oversee Moonshine’s first assignment.

Two emotions mixing in his head right now, but the most prominent one was disappointment, he wanted little Moonshine to fail, he wanted to see the violinist’s fingers crack at the knuckles, he wanted to see his neck heaving air once again, his bright red hair mated from the plastic bag covering his face.

He must admit that the fantasy had run deep, of this and that and how far he could go without breaking Rum’s fancy little lab rat. But Moonshine had passed his little test, quite splendidly even.

Little Moonshine had forged a false lab result that pushed the sickly Toshio Moroboshi to seek emergency treatments, one of them was an experimental treatment for CHD, a treatment that he, as a high-risk patient, was not qualified to do.

And as expected, the drug created major complications that ended his life in a matter of hours. Everything was ruled as malpractice, and the plan to take over his inheritance was swiftly underway.

A clean job all in all.

Rum played the audio recording that Moonshine had sent as proof of death again and again, his lips curved in an infuriating smirk.

“Send out the invitations.” Gin rolled his eyes at Rum’s pleased voice but followed anyway. “A little introduction party is needed, don’t you agree?”

=

Inch by inch, step by step.

In his dream, Shinichi walked through a path created with jagged shards of glass. In his dream, he’s walking over corpses one by one, lifting his feet over Mezcal’s body, over Odagiri’s body, and over Nanami’s body. One by one he passed them, and every time he put his foot down, the shard would plunge into wrecked pieces of meat, skin that had been torn to pieces, chunks of fat and blood vessels hanging off the visible bones. As Shinichi continued to walk step by step, a particularly large shard had cut his right pinky clean off his feet, he heard the wet sound of flesh and blood continuously, until he finally came face to face with a woman.

Someone he knows, her voice ever so familiar.

Why?

She asked.

What have you turned me into… Shinichi?

Shinichi?

Seiji?

Asoh?

Se–

“SEIJI ASOH!!!”

Shinichi gasps when he’s woken up by strong hands shaking his body, blinking when he sees Heiji staring dead at his face, he looks upset.

“…what?”

“Don’ ‘what’ me! Ya got us worried sick!!!”

Heiji lifts up his phone and points at it as if it’s a real person, the screen showing around 20 miscalls from Shiho’s caller ID. Heiji yanks him up, Shinichi groaning as his head starts spinning.

“Worried…?”

“YE! Ya didn’t answer any of ma damn calls, and YER APARTMENT WAS EMPTY!!!”

“I… I sent both of you messages, I told you that I was moving… and Hattori, please… your voice…”

“YA– wait.” Heiji frowns, taking a step back. “Did ya just call me ‘Hattori?’”

“This is my own house.” Shinichi shrugs, “No one’s going to hear.”

“Huh.”

Right, this is Shinichi’s new house, Heiji didn’t know Shinichi would move in this quickly, but he guessed if he bought a fully furnished house and barely had any baggage, he could move in no time.

“Why are you here, Hattori…?”

“I tol’ ya that I was gon come here like two days ago. But then I got ta yer apartment and the landlady said that ya moved out! Had to hunt ya down maself! And when I got here, I saw THIS!” Heiji threw the strip of painkillers and sleeping pills all emptied out next to his bed, “I THOUGHT YA FUCKEN’ OFF YERSELF!! AGAIN!!! ”

“Hattori… voice.”

Heiji let out a tired, exasperated groan, but he threw his stuff on the floor and launched himself to the bed anyway, suffocating Shinichi in a crazy tight hug. “Anyway! I’m here now! Sherry lady’s gon come next weekend, right? Whatcha been doing this past month–”

“I killed Toshio Moroboshi.”

A sudden silence blankets the both of them, Shinichi is looking anywhere but at Heiji, his friend who still smells like rain and smoke, the friend that was happy to meet him and now–

“Hatto–”

But Heiji doesn’t reply, he just grabs Shinichi tighter, rolling them to the side to back hug his friend and pulling the thin blanket over their bodies.

Right.

When Heiji came in, Shinichi was just done sending the audio from the hospital’s CCTV to Gin, finishing his first-ever task. He drank pills to calm himself and subdue the stress-induced headache right after Sharon called him and told him of the ‘good news’, that the higher-ups were basically telling her to introduce the new member to everyone since he had ‘proven’ himself, so to speak, that he has passed the last test.

That must be why he had that nightmare, must be why he dreamt of Ran, demanding answers from him, asking him why he is defiling her memories, why he’s turning her into an unwilling martyr of a make-belief crusade.

She never agreed to be paraded as his reason for turning into a killer, she would be devastated, brought to tears if she knew what Shinichi had become, a skeleton of her childhood friend whom she had loved.

But that was just a dream. It was nothing but a dream.

Heiji is warm, he’s like this bright sun that burns too hot, he’s too loud, too energetic, too empathetic, too kind for someone like Shinichi.

Heiji knows that Shinichi needs his rest, that no sort of reprieve would come but at least, he can hug him through the night terrors, because Shinichi always has night terrors.

Heiji doesn’t say a word, but his breathing slowly evens out, a tell-tale that he has gone to sleep. And Shinichi, warm and extremely tired, doesn’t fight the drowsiness that’s turning his body heavy.

At least, this time as he sleeps, he does not dream of mutilating his own feet.

=

‘Hello.

My name, is Moonshine.’

The introduction went great. Well, it went the only way it could go. He’d give them Seiji’s curated cheeky smile and introduce himself as the newest member of this band of degenerates.

He’s the new thing to all of them, while Seiji knows each and every one of their faces.

He had dig and dig through the confusing weave of information regarding every codename member, the ones that matter and the ones that had been forgotten, he knows every one of their faces, he knows their crimes, knows their roles, and he knows one in particular.

Not once did he lock eyes with Furuya Rei, but he could feel those piercing eyes on his face, a gaze that was so intense it made his skin crawl. Suddenly, locked-up memories forcefully bulldozed their way to the front of his brain, and suddenly–

‘Amuro-san!’

He can hear the chirpy voice of his past, crystal clear from a year-long memory.

His finger twitches at the memory that comes with Amuro Tooru, the pleasant smell of Cafe Poirot, the ever-present smell of coffee in the air, he remembers clearly the pristine smell of his Mazda RX-7, the car that he almost plunged both of them to death with, but also the car that he would sometimes drive Conan with to the mall or to school. Then the smell of his cologne, when he visited, or more specifically, broke into the Kudo Mansion mere days after Shinichi took the antidote, when he was bedridden, when he couldn’t handle seeing the dimmest light, every move felt like a knife to his skin, the IV being the only nutrients and hydration that his body could handle.

He smelled his cologne as he wiped his sweat and moistened his lips with warm water all day and all night, keeping him company when his parents were not there as they were also taking care of Shiho, listening to his gibberish from his pain-riddled brain, and rubbing his back as he vomits out green and yellow bile to the floor.

A memory from a time before. It has no business in his head now.

After the brief introduction, Seiji had turned to leave, leaving the safehouse as there was nothing else for him to do. Seiji exits the building, unlocking his car, and driving away.

…

He was expecting this to happen, but he thought it would take a day or two, or maybe even weeks and months, but he didn’t expect it to happen tonight.

Just before he can drive into the empty highway, a white car comes barrelling in front of him, Shinichi stomps on the brake so hard, the force of the abrupt stop sends his body forward before being strapped safely in place by the seatbelt. That car almost hit him with barely an inch difference.

Ugh…

Now? Like… right now…?

Of course it is, Shinichi sighs when a figure walk out, gun firm in his hand, he doesn’t have to say anything as Shinichi slowly opens the door, he doesn’t bother lifting his hand as he knows there’s no way he would pull the trigger.

“Bourbon?”

“Shut up.” Shinichi closes his eyes, feeling the muzzle of the gun nudging his shoulder. “Let’s go.”

And he can’t do anything but follow as Amuro grabs him by the collar, shoving him into the back seat of his Mazda, where another man is sitting, Akai tugging him inside and cuffing their hands together as if Shinichi will actually try to escape.

Furuya slams the door a bit too aggressively before driving past the speed limit without a care, Shinichi looking down at his cuffed hand. This close, he could also smell the nostalgia that comes from the tobacco reeking the leather jacket, too familiar as memories of Conan walking around with Akai–

Calloused fingers traced over his palm…

Shinichi feels them creeping up ever so slowly, twining in between his, his body tensing in reaction to something so gentle, of a hand so comforting suddenly squeezing his own tight, as far away from anything painful.

His eyes flicker at the gentle feeling, and suddenly his brain seems to glitch, suddenly he’s being thrown back into another place. A place where he could smell the scents of old books, he looked down and saw small fingers flicking over pages, nothing but the faint sound of someone walking around, sliding a book back into place, the clinking of glass and ice cubes, Conan jumping at the cold feeling on his cheek, pouting as he looked up to see Okiya Subaru holding a glass of cold coffee in his hand. ‘Give your eyes some rest, boya.’

Shinichi bites his lip, looking down at the edge of the car door as tears gather in the corner of his eyes, and he squeezes that warm hand back.

=

“Rei–”

Akai grabs his hand but the blond angrily rips it away, Shinichi holding his cheek after Furuya slapped him right across the face, hard enough that his ear is still ringing and heat starts spreading under his skin.

The blond holds Shinichi by the shoulders and shakes him like he’s a broken toy he’s trying to fix, forcing Shinichi to look back at him. “WHY!?”

And what does Furuya expect him to do? Explain everything from the beginning, give him the justification and excuses for his sins?

“Odagiri? Pinga’s target? Why, Con–”

“Stop.” Shinichi swallows before shoving Furuya’s hands off of his body. “What do you want from me…”

Furuya had brought him into an empty innocuous apartment, obviously nothing but one of his crash pads. Shinichi had tried to leave, but Furuya said he’d break his legs if he tried to run out the door. Something Shinichi knows he won’t do. He knows. He knows. And maybe there’s a part of him that does want to stay.

“What do I– I want to know why you’re alive, Conan!!!”

Akai has been silent but other than stopping Furuya from inflicting any more physical harm on the boy, he seems to have identical questions.

“Why does it–”

“YOU DIED!” Shinichi flinches at Furuya’s raised voice, he can’t stop his body from stepping back. “You committed suicide, Conan! You cut your wrist open and you died. But now you’re here!? And– what the hell is this!?”

Akai stops him again just before he can grab a fistful of his hair.

Furuya is panicking.

Akai had never seen him like this before. He has no explanation for why he’s reacting like this, so frantic and almost hysteric in the way he’s confronting the boy. The Rei he knows will never lay a hand on Shinichi, or Conan, as he prefers to refer to him by.

The room is blanketed with silence, the only noise being Furuya’s heavy breathing, no one dares to break it until…

“Boya?” Shinichi doesn’t answer, but the way his eyes subtly peeks at him is enough. “Why did you… do all this?”

“Is that what you like to do? Is this your thing? Is this a game you like to play?” Akai closes his eyes, jaw clenching when he hears Rei snaps at the boy yet again. “Faking people’s deaths… is this some kind of game to you!?”

Of course, not. Rei knows that it’s not, it’s just that…

He had to mourn for him. He went through that process again, and again, and again. Memories, proof of his failure in the form of a tombstone for someone so young haunt his waking hours and And yet here he is, alive and well it seems. Wearing another face of another smile, something he stole from someone, something he stole from–

“CONAN, ANSWER ME!”

Click.

Fast, it happened too fast, his reflex was faster than Rei and Akai ever remembered him having as the boy swiftly reached onto his back and pulled out a Sig Sauer subcompact from his concealed back holster, his thumb flicking the ledge of the safety off.

…

“Whatever it is that I’m doing…” His voice barely above a whisper, Shinichi knows that both of them can hear him. “And whatever it is that I’ve done, and what I’m planning to do, none of it will affect your missions, so you don’t need to know.”

“This isn’t about the mission,” Akai replies, this time with a sense of urgency in his voice, something that Shinichi heard only once or twice in the past as Conan before. “Shinichi.” This isn’t the first time Akai is on the other side of a gun, it barely affects him anymore, but he knows that Shinichi can and will shoot him if he’s pushed and cornered, not fatally, never gravelly injuring, but he will scrape something, he will hurt, just not as bad as he can.

That’s what wounded animals do when they find no other way to escape the jaws of death or something with the same level of horror. And for Shinichi, this Shinichi, this might be on that same level.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, boya.”

“I know.”

“What are you trying to do?”

Shinichi doesn’t answer, he knows they won’t understand. Both Akai and Furuya won’t understand his selfish reason, and he’s far too exhausted to explain.

“I can expose you.”

“Rei.” Akai sounds plain exhausted. Shinichi thinks that he and Furuya are still the same, fire and water, sun and moon, hot and cold, both of them can never meet in the middle, so far away from any consensus even after building a peculiar bond. They have found a way to work with each other, somehow the mutual grief had become one of the strings binding them together but whatever understanding they have, it doesn’t translate in the way they react to this situation in particular.

Rei doesn’t have Akai’s patience.

He feels betrayed.

…

“You can’t.”

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t, Conan-kun.”

“Because above all, Amuro-san, you hold your Japan higher than anyone and anything else, me included.” Shinichi starts, he can see it on Amuro’s face, that there is something there, he won’t refuse the truth, but Conan’s statement is not the whole truth. “Don’t force me to do that to you and your lover.” Shinichi spits the last part, taunting Rei on his conviction and sense of duty.

Amuro-san is also doing this out of love, who is he to judge him?

…

“You’re a criminal, Conan. You’re a killer now, I should bring you in, treat you exactly like the rest of them.” Never had Shinichi heard that voice before, not as Conan, not now. For the first time, he hears Furuya Rei’s voice tremble as he threatens someone, for the first time, his feelings break through the face of cruelty that is Bourbon as a whole, his threats never sounded so hollow, so empty.

He did that. Shinichi Kudo, the boy who forced him to mourn, did that.

“I can’t let you do that…”

“Then tell me why! Conan-kun! Why!?”

…

And Shinichi almost, almost, confessed to everything right there and then.

To hear that tone of voice from someone who seemed so unshakable before, to hear his words break and tremble at the end, desperation clear under the shattered mask because realization settled on the NOC that this boy had done everything that needed to be done to be noticed in the short months after he faked his death. Furuya Rei went through the same steps, day by day he walked deeper into this wretched path, painting blood with his gloved fingers along the way. Knowing that Conan had to do the same.

Knowing that Shinichi Kudo was just the first person he killed.

Conan Edogawa, his little Conan, the tiny boy running around Poirot, the little rascal who was too smart for his own good, using his tiny body and childish image to spy on him, terrorize him for information but also try his best to save him despite what Furuya did to him.

The Conan that he knew was pure-hearted, the Conan that he knew stood in the line of fire to save an enemy’s life, Conan that he knew wrecked his brain and carried secrets to keep Akai alive.

But the person standing in front of him had murdered that boy, turned into a fiery red individual, holding a gun straight to his face, just a squeeze away from shooting a bullet through his heart.

Is he capable of that?

Surely, he’d done it to others before.

This criminal, this murderer…

“Conan-kun…”

Shinichi.

“What have you done?”

What have you done?

“What is this… why are you doing this, Conan-kun? Is it the guilt!? Is that it!? You couldn't handle it so you went on a rampage!?”

Yes, why are you doing this, Shinichi? Why do you continue walking this path? Is it the guilt?

…

Is it the pleasure…?

The gun trembles in his hand, his self-control shattered into pieces when the voice that terrorized him suddenly came back in the worst of times, it asked him a similar question;

Why?

Look at where you are right now, standing in front of NOCs, two people who did, who are doing what you are doing and yet look at them, working for their countries, doing this for the greater good and yet what are YOU doing?

Revenge.

“…Boya?’

A hound.

“Conan-kun?”

A black. Crow.

Shinichi gasped when Akai’s hand curled on top of his, gently peeling the gun away. His reaction cannot be more different from Amuro’s, as he wipes the river of tears suddenly dripping down Shinichi’s cheeks, when his voice breaks and lips parted, a painful wail coming out of his mouth.

A cry he had not let himself feel after he killed Sasaki, the man who did not deserve to be poisoned and killed by Shinichi.

He doesn’t deserve to cry for something that he did, he doesn’t deserve to mourn a life he himself took.

He…

He doesn’t deserve to cry in front of Heiji, in front of Shiho, they helped him kill all those people, what kind of hypocrite will he look in their eyes, surely they have their own limits.

Now he’s stuck in an empty house, with people he once thought as his allies, people he felt safe with, people he could depend on not to throw him to the wolves, to the crows, and now he had become one of them as well.

And yet Akai pulled him closer, hugging his waist tight, as tight as someone who had seen an innocent child he once saw buried now alive and so, so broken.

His heart broke for how many times as Shinichi hiccuped onto his shoulder. “I’m sorry…” He whispers again and again and again, endless strings of apologies that do not make any sense, Shinchi digs his nails on Akai’s shoulders, feeling some weird form of safety for the first time in 2 whole years.

Rei’s hand balled into a fist, so hard that it trembled.

“I can’t,” Shinichi hears Amuro’s voice, pulling back and trying to see Amuro through his blurry, tear-filled eyes. “I can’t see you buried twice, Conan.”

Furuya grips his wrist and pulls him off Akai’s comforting embrace, “Tell me what you want.” His voice sounds serious, completely serious, this time, his frantic babbling had seized after seeing something inside Shinichi broke. “What are trying to do?”

…

“Kill…” His voice is nothing but a whisper, but his gaze is firm, tired, empty. “I want to kill… Gin.”

Rei’s hand let him go, he wiped the tears on Shinichi’s heated cheek, the skin red from the slap he himself inflicted. “So, revenge?”

“Yes…” Admit it, admit it, Shinichi. No more excuses, no more using HER name, no more absolution, no more justification. “...Revenge.”

Yes, and that is your only truth… Moonshine.

Chapter 12: Disintegration

Chapter Text

The sun pierces through his blackout curtains, Shinichi cursing the fact that his bedroom is, unlike the ground floor of his house, unobstructed by the trees. He squints his eyes when he opens the curtains and sees sunlight bathing him in seconds, a two-way mirror guarding his anonymity and creating a layer of safety from snipers. From here, he can see the majestic Tokyo skyline, a view that can only be bought by money.

What a shame, all the luxury anyone can ask for, yet he doesn’t feel a thing.

After stretching a little, Shinichi went to wash his face and take a long, long shower, he’ll have to dye his hair again soon but he really isn’t looking forward to sitting for hours in a salon, so he’ll push it back a couple of days, he wants nothing but to cut his hair too, but it’s not like he has the luxury to do so. Gin knows what Shinichi Kudo looks like, so he has to stick with Seiji’s looks from start to finish.

Especially now that he’s in too deep.

Shinichi puts on his most comfortable clothes and creeps down the stairs, even from there, he can already hear Shiho’s typing, always the workaholic, and then the sound of water splashing, a simple look to the right shows Heiji bending down before jumping into the pool that he likes so much (seeing that he has been the only one who uses it ever since Shinichi got it fully installed).

“Good morning…”

“It’s 1 p.m, Shinichi-kun.”

“Good… afternoon?”

Shinichi drops his body on the kitchen table, the open plan design letting him see Shiho in the living room with her laptop all out, only books next to her this time. “Thesis?” He asked, she merely answered with a hum.

“Don’t touch anything in the basement.”

“Mhmm, won't even think about it. What are you working on though?”

Shiho taps on her wrist once before going back to typing. Ah, yes, Shiho has been locking herself in the basement lab that she uses for her university studies, research, and recreating his old gadgets… She didn’t say it verbally, but she remembered how, when Heiji and he got back from their usual bi-weekly visits to the shooting range for training, he looked pretty forlorn.

‘What happened?’ She asked Hattori once who merely shrugged. ‘He hit all his targets.’

Shinichi isn’t the best, but he’s no rookie, not anymore, he himself knows that he’s no sharpshooter, but he knows how to shoot. And now, every time he pulls the trigger, he gets reminded of what he is capable of, of what he can do.

He can’t depend on Sharon to do the bloody work for him anymore.

So, Shiho thinks that he might want something back, another thing to incapacitate that doesn’t take a life, his sleeping dart watch has been an invaluable gadget in the past, and she believes that she can recreate it. It’s not that easy though, it’s not like she can just ask Professor Agasa for the schematic, she will NOT put him in danger no matter what.

Shinichi sounds a little surprised when he eats the lunch Shiho basically shoved in front of him, even giving him the cutlery, watching him like a hawk until he fucking eats something. “Wow, this taste…”

“Good? Yeah, I fired your chef.”

“You… what?”

“I hired a new one, they already finished prepping the food for today, everything is in the fridge so you can just heat it up when you’re ready. And no giving it to Hattori this time.”

Shinichi rolls his eyes but agrees anyway, Shiho and Heiji have full access to his house, his lab, and his house staff, they were the ones who vetted them and created their schedules to make sure none of their information gets leaked, so sometimes things like these happened. Shinichi doesn’t mind though, it’s not like he has–

He gets pulled out of his relatively relaxed state of mind when his other phone starts buzzing, the phone that’s only used for one thing and one thing only.

He abandoned his food, fishing it out of his pocket and making his way to the garden in the back, away from the pool and far from prying ears, even ones belonging to the two people he currently trusts most. Shinichi answers, swallowing his disgust when he hears Gin’s voice, not even hiding his giddiness when he says that he has another job.

Forcing himself not to just throw the damn thing away, Shinichi walks back inside, rubbing his forehead before announcing that he’s going to shower and leave.

“Shinichi, your food–” But he just waves his hand, telling Shiho not to worry, he’ll eat something later, but for now, he’s going to freshen up.

“Is dat weird?” Shiho closes her eyes and sighs, Heiji had came out of the pool, a bathrobe around his body as he walks back inside, feet still dripping wet, a warm mug of herbal tea in his hand. “He just finished a mission yesterday.”

“It is weird.” She answers, “He’s a strategist…”

“Yea, ya still ain’t tol’ me what strategists do, ya know, like, specifically.”

“They’re usually assigned to long-term missions, I assumed that Gin was giving Shinichi-kun short-term missions because he still wants to test him but…”

“It’s been a month.”

“Yes.”

It’s been a month, around four missions back to back. Shiho knows exactly what Gin is doing.

Gin is a mission-oriented man, and he’s also extremely sadistic. Shiho knows that he wants Seiji Asoh to break, to screw up so he can… punish him, ‘teach him a lesson’ so to speak, but Shinichi keeps pulling through and as of now, has not messed up a mission even once, despite the ridiculously short amount of planning he was given, he completed any assignment Gin gave him every single time.

But he’s wearing him down, he can’t go on like this. It’s been days since Shinichi had a proper meal, and last time he needed to…

Well.

Shinichi refused to give her any details, but he came home, his shirt matted with blood. Blood that isn’t his.

“It’s more than Gin.” She says out of nowhere, going back to her laptop. True, Shinichi doesn’t need their help on each and every case, but she keeps tabs on the cases that they were involved in. “I think this has something to do with Rum.”

“Is dat… bad?”

“Of course it is.”

“Why, though?”

“…”

“Lady, c’mon.”

Shiho sighs, leaning back against her chair. “Gin is the one Shinichi wants. He’s already in too deep, and if someone higher takes interest in him too…”

She doesn’t have to continue, they both understand. Shinichi wants to swim back out when this is all over (if… it will ever be over), but the higher he climbs, the deeper he goes, he might not be able to come back. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Rum cannot just be ‘arrested’, it’s never going to be that clean-cut. In the end, if he gets entangled with someone higher, he will be trapped in something that is way worse than this. Kill or be killed, and knowing whom he will be up against, it’s most probably that he’d be in the latter category.

“Oh, and this is what you asked me to find.” She slides the freshly printed-out file to him, Heiji blinks and thanks her, grabbing the folder and leaving for his bedroom. Yes, he has one now, Shiho’s bedroom is downstairs, right next to her lab while Heiji’s bedroom is on the ground floor, nearest to the garage so he can continue doing his work there without having to walk around.

On paper, Heiji is staying here because he enrolled in Tokyo University to get away from his dad, She notices that not once since they arrived here has Heiji ever called his dad or even mentioned anything about his family, she knows that their relationship is strained, but it looks like he’s going full no-contact and seeing what he asked her to research, she can see why.

They shipped her to the U.S., Kazuha Toyama is now undergoing various physical therapy in hopes that she can walk without a cane. Shinichi himself had told Shiho to leave Heiji alone, but she couldn’t help but research what happened to her, she talked to Kazuha too during her time as Ai Haibara, they weren’t close or anything, but she knew her at least. She found out that her recovery went pretty badly from both infection and stress, she had to drop out of college and seek treatment overseas in undisclosed hospitals, she isn’t sure why her father is so paranoid about anyone finding out her current location, but it seems like her father’s misdirected anger is deeper than she had thought.

Though since Hattori never mentions it, she won’t too, she respects him enough to do that.

=

It’s been a month, and yet Akai is still unsure if he should expose Shinichi’s identity to the FBI or not.

He still remembers it clearly, a month prior, back in Rei’s crash pad.

I want… to kill Gin.

It seemed like Gin had become Shinichi’s primary goal, no longer was he the Conan Edogawa who was seeking justice for the criminal enterprise which had hurt him and countless others, his revenge is now condensed into one man, the man who directly poisoned Ran Mouri.

Perhaps he started to see the limitations that he refused to admit that he has, Conan Edogawa was determined to take down a criminal enterprise which was established almost half a century ago, he thought he could take down an organization that was still standing strong despite the amount of infiltration and sabotage that other international institutions have been trying to do. It is unfortunate, but the reality is, he can’t take down the Black Organization.

But he can take down One man, or at least, that’s what he believes, that’s his whole motivation to live.

After Shinichi left that night, Rei almost cracked the glass that he slammed on the table, filling it up with straight liquor, basically forcing Akai to drink with him. It was pretty alarming, Rei doesn’t like to drink, he needs to be alert at all times, but that night he just… needed something to numb the pain, dramatically speaking.

“I can’t believe this…” Three drinks in and Rei melted on the shitty sofa in the tiny apartment, already going for a fourth shot, “Conan-kun…”

Akai knew that nothing he said would make a difference, he could only imagine what he felt. Rei had lost so many people, the people dear to him, dying one by one, and the one suddenly rose from the dead, and he came back wrong. He came back different. The boy died, traversed through hell, and came back a demon.

But he was still Conan Edogawa to Furuya Rei, despite how odd it is to Akai, he refused to call Shinichi by his real name.

…

“Did we do this?” Rei had asked, already half-drunk by that point.

“Ran Mouri was the catalyst. But you know that he was slowly unravelling at the seams.”

No, Furuya knows what it feels like to break, but a shattered mirror can still be put together no matter how broken it will be, yet Conan didn't shatter, something happened to this mirror that changed it into another thing altogether. He couldn't pick up the pieces, couldn't understand who this… creature is.

“Akai, you can't keep defending him! He's a serial killer now, he kills people for–”

“A purpose.” He cuts him off. Perhaps it also had something to do with the liquor, Akai refused to listen to it, he didn’t want Rei to talk bad about Shinichi, not even after all he had done. “…He's not Conan anymore, Rei-kun.”

“Our purposes are just.” Rei tries to push words out of his mouth, his teeth about to clatter in anger and pure, unadulterated frustration.

“Last time we officially worked together in that Organization, you seduced a politician into bed, laced your own body with poison, let him lick and bite your neck and let him choke on his own blood as you hacked into his computer. And then I sniped all four of his guards so you can escape to safety.” The memory makes him want to throw up, Rei can see it too, in those stoic green eyes. Shame, guilt, certainty. “I did it for the FBI, you did it for the PSB, and now Kudo is doing it for,”

“We don't know who he's affiliated with.”

“Himself,” Akai said, he sounded so sure of it as well. “For his own reveng–”

“NO!”

Akai watched as Rei shoved the liquor off the table, the half-empty bottle of Scotch shattering on impact, covering the floor with sharp shards and alcohol.

“He is NOT like that!”

“He wasn't.” Rei hates this, he despises it, Akai looks so calm, so collected as if he had already accepted it, as if he already come to terms with it. “He wasn't, Rei-kun. But you understand, don't you? If given the opportunity. Wouldn't you?”

Akai didn't use their names but Rei knows what he meant. Shinichi was in love with Ran, his childhood sweeatheart, murdered by Gin, and so he wants to kill Gin.

And Akai. In the past. He…

Yes, Furuya understands.

Furuya Rei was in love with Morofushi Hiromitsu, his childhood friend. And at that time, he thought he was murdered by Moroboshi Dai. And he wants to kill… Rye. But. He. Now. He– If he can kill them, if he can kill them all . If he can just… avenge them, every single one of them… He would. He'd sacrifice everything. For those he loved but– that's him . And Conan is not him. “I don't–” Rei wants to continue his monologue, but in the end, there's only this; “I don't want him to break…”

A gamble is what it is, people like them like to do it. Akai reaches out to, ever so lightly, hold his hand. Fully expecting Furuya to snap his fingers, but instead, he does nothing.

“He already did.” Akai's calloused hand holding his, and he's just so… tired. “We can still save him, Rei-kun.”

“…and how are you planning to do that?”

“We can keep him alive.”

…

“You want to help him? You want to enable Moonshine's cruelty?”

“If that will keep that boy alive, yes.” And he wants to keep that boy alive, their small, bright Edogawa Conan, trapped under all that liquor. …

Little Moonshine, no one really knows what to make of those drinks.

Rumours surround them like flies to a carcass, take one kind on a drunken dare and you'll find yourself blinded, but another kind looks sweet like cherries, smells like candy, but is just as deadly.

It feels so on the nose to call the youngest in their organization an unaged whiskey despite how appropriate that term is. See, this boy came out of nowhere, waltzing into the scene with vomits of blood turning his soles a dirty red, blood that came from the Organization's roster. It's pretty obvious what he wants, exactly like a teenager seducing others, always over the top, always eye-catching.

He took out Stout's target, he took out Rosé's target, and then he took out Pinga's target, the kills not even months apart. Like the typical young man, he's impatient, he didn't get the attention that he wanted from the first kill, and so he went for another, and another, until Gin took notice, giving the boy the attention he yearned for so badly.

This need for attention points to a lack of love and care in his past, like a petulant child, he'll act out to get the slightest bit of attention, some kind of validation from someone he deemed superior. That seems to be what made Gin like, or at least lacks any real caution towards Moonshine, because he knows that the young Whiskey is not interested in his position, only the validation of someone in his position or higher, it doesn't matter who, as long as they rank significantly higher, that's good enough for him. No one's easier to control than those who want to be seen.

Or at least, that is Furuya Rei's deduction of Moonshine. An analysis that is, from top to bottom, does NOT represent the Kudo Shinichi he knows.

But then again. It's not Kudo Shinichi who Furuya knew in the past, right?

Edogawa Conan was the one that he knew, the boy that would run around him, hovering over him like a ridiculously persistent cat that wouldn't stop meowing until he gave him what he wanted; information, tools, contacts. Everything a boy his age shouldn't want. He was a peculiar boy, a frighteningly smart one that he had grown to like and trust.

The Edogawa Conan that he knew would do anything and everything except to kill and Rei likes that about him. Seeing that naiveté, a little reminder that there are still people like him, good people that see good even in the most wretched being. Even Gin. He didn't even want to kill Gin despite knowing everything that he did.

So, this person is not Conan Edogawa. Not Shinichi Kudo. No, Rei is thinking of Seiji Asoh.

=

It’s almost like Gin is parading him around and it’s sickening to see.

Rei sitting in the bar, watching over patrons of whomst all connected to the Organization in some way, a secure place that acts like a small meeting point. He is to meet with Vermouth yet again today, he’s to come to the banquet held by the Embassy, and yet, as he’s sitting there, he has to school his expression to a neutral one when the door opens, a flurry of long, fiery red hair contrast against the man’s all black clothing.

Moonshine walks in and makes a beeline to the stairs, obviously going up to meet… someone. You just don’t go to the meeting rooms upstairs without a reason.

Rei grips his glass tighter, getting a quick glance at Moonshine’s face and seeing how tired he looks, just how… haunted, perhaps, he looks far worse than he was a month ago and ‘worried’ is not a word strong enough to describe what he’s thinking.

The worry in his chest turns to something else when he sees who else walked up into the same meeting room. That person rarely ever shows themself, a fellow senior investigator. Irish. That man is the farthest thing from good news, and it just got even worse when he saw fucking Chianti and Korn walk into the same room.

“Interested?”

Rei barely acknowledges Reisling’s comment, god, he needs to work on his poker face, it’s hard to stay sane when Conan is involved.

“Little one’s all booked and busy lately.”

“Why is Irish here?” Rei decides to bite the bullet, what does he have to lose? Everyone is interested in Irish, it’s not odd if he is too.

“No idea. But if he’s back in Japan, then his recon mission is done, and if my calculation is correct, that’s why Moonshine is here today.”

His brow ticks.

“Gin’s assigning the little one to be his strategist?” Rei follows along with the nickname, people like to mock Moonshine for his age, it’s pretty harmless and understandable, respecting his codename too much will make him suspicious, Bourbon’s image is not the most… respectful, after all.

“I know.” Riesling chuckles into his drink. “Isn’t that interesting?”

=

“No.”

Gin only scoffs in amusement at Bourbon’s blatant refusal. “Not an option.”

“Not the mission, I’ll take the damn mission, but I’m not going to work with the kid.”

“You will.”

“How do we know we can even trust him?”

Rei refuse to budge, not leaving their meeting place before he gets a damn explanation as to WHY he is assigned to Moonshine, he spent the last two months trying to find information on the recent break-in, and when he finally got the name of the person who has been leaking their information, now Gin is assigning Conan to him? Conan!? For a mission like this!? “I’m serious, Gin.”

Gin just started chuckling, Rei has to hold his face from twitching, god, the hatred he has for this man is making his head spin.

“Why should I worry about Rum’s new little plaything?” Gin’s voice sends a shiver down his spine, always so menacing and annoying, but he notices it’s always tinged with some kind of amusement when Moonshine is involved. “You’re afraid of a smaller Curaçao?”

Rei rolls his eyes at the cheap insult, Gin never liked any of Rum’s other favourites. “If he’s just ‘another plaything’, then why are you assigning him to my case?”

“You’re wasting my time, if you need some reassurance, go ask Irish.”

Gin refuses to talk more about Moonshine to him and that raises more questions than answers. Look, he knows, everyone knows that Gin’s treatment of Moonshine is just him trying to wear the boy down, that he wants Moonshine to fail by assigning him to Irish of all people. But then, that next morning, when he followed his ‘advice’ and asked Irish, the man just started laughing to his face. Rei fully expected Irish to belittle Conan, but he waved his hand, saying that the boy’s plans were solid but it’s funny because, for someone codenamed as such a wild liquor, the kid can’t handle his alcohol. Well, of course, he can’t. Conan is only 19, or is he 20? Small difference. It's… almost like a slap in the face to him, this grotesque reminder that despite it all, Conan is still… well, he's more than a decade younger than him, a boy 12 years his junior, and yet here he is, standing in the same room, talking to the same people, having to carry the same burden.

Something just doesn't feel right about this, it’s not just Gin’s odd treatment towards him or Rum’s weird expectations towards their newest member, it’s because in his case he will have to…

This isn’t his favorite thing to do, and he usually keeps it to the minimum, but that afternoon he arranged yet another meeting with Akai Shuichi, both of them seemingly aware of the nature of their meeting. A month since Conan came back into their lives, and they’ve met more times than they have in the last couple of years just to talk about the boy again and again, how could they not? For every move Moonshine makes instils nothing but worry in both of their minds.

“Your case?”

Akai is looking over Rei’s information, yet another thing that didn’t happen before Conan reappeared, Rei agreed to share classified information with him, but to shove his findings into his hands willingly so Akai can scan over it? That is painfully new, sharing his personal information like that? It was alarming, but when he understands the nature of it, Akai understands why.

Akai sets the files back on the table, taking a seat next to Rei who’s already pouring them a shot.

“A hit?”

“Yeah.”

Gin is forcing Shinichi to plan an execution. Shinichi, with Rei’s help, is going to have to kill another person.

=

“He's here, Moonshine. Just as you predicted.”

Moonshine walks across the marbled floor, standing in front of the locked armoury, one used to keep the jeweller's most prized possession, but also, to house his one and only emergency exit out of this maze of a gallery.

Moonshine can't get the voice out of his head, the man's screams when Bourbon shot him just before he could escape, slashing through his achilles tendon, now, being left alone, the man would probably bleed to death. A prolonged, painful death that is.

What could've warranted such a fate, Moonshine wonders.

He knows that technically the jeweller ‘brought this to himself’ as Gin had told him when he gave him this mission, that according to Bourbon , yet another high-ranking codenamed member in the organization, that the jeweller had gambled away most of his fortune, and had auctioned precious paintings that belonged to the curators that are associated with the Organization.

Artistic treasures and historical value aside, what it comes down to is money. It's always just about money, money or desire, the two backbone of this Organization, what keeps it afloat, what keeps it in business.

Moonshine stands in front of the writhing, dying man, even if they call the ambulance now, it won't make a difference, the man is pale in the face, his vision has blurred, his legs have gone numb. Moonshine leans closer and whispers in his ear. His voice is gentle, soothing, he wasn't the one who shot the bullet, the jeweller looks him straight in the eye, answering Moonshine's question.

The answer is in the form of a list of names, the names of black market traders that he had auctioned his paintings to. Moonshine subtly glances at Bourbon who nods, he knows all of those names, at least they have a solid lead, those traders mean nothing to the jeweller, and now that he's in the last leg of his life, why should he honour a transactional relationship.

Moonshine stands up and steps away, he hears, more than sees, Bourbon flicking the safety of his gun off. And he–

“Is that necessary?”

The lightness of Moonshine's tone sends shivers down Bourbon's spine, seeing the blatant contrast between his nonchalant tone to his haunted eyes, the sweet smile shadowed by a blank, voided stare.

He wonders if he should feel flattered in a way, Conan knows anyone could be listening, but only Bourbon can see his face and he drops the act in front of him, trusting him completely.

“Why Moonshine, are you against a little bit of mercy?”

Yes, because left alone, the jeweller will bleed to death in a couple of minutes, a couple of extremely agonizing minutes.

Moonshine then shrugs, his eyes locked on the jeweller as Bourbon takes aim.

And he stares at him, his gaze soft, it's empty, it lacks warmth nor coldness, it's missing something human, and just…

He doesn't look away, Shinichi holds that man's gaze as he takes in his last breath. The way those eyes filled with blood, right after his brain was punctured through.

He hears Bourbon sheathes his gun, Moonshine is about to turn around, to leave the armoury, but he feels a strong hand firmly gripping his arm. Shinichi doesn't have the energy to fight back, and so he stays put, wondering what Amuro-san wants from him.

His body flinches just a little when he feels the pad of Amuro's finger wiping his wet cheek.

Shinichi blinks, he feels Amuro's other hand wiping the other side, smearing the tears away until there are none left. And then he holds Shinichi's jaws, softly, those blue eyes staring at his, Amuro takes a deep, deep breath, and Shinichi subconsciously follows, the psychological effect of mirroring, breathing just as slowly. And he feels like his chest can breathe again…

And then Amuro-san lets him go, turning away and leaving him alone.

Shinichi just stands there. And then… slowly… a smile blooms on his face.

Moonshine turns around, walking light while humming a soft tune of a song that was playing on the radio, it has stuck to his brain apparently, Moonshine really loves music after all.

“Go clean this up.”

He nonchalantly orders the cleaning crew that just arrived, they nod, some bow at him but he doesn't recognize their greeting, merely walking away to his car. He could already smell the gasoline, the cleaning crew is to secure all the valuables in the armoury and torch this gallery until nothing but coal remains.

The story in the newspaper tomorrow would be that the jeweller was checking on his collection when a gas leak explosion happened, the blast knocking him out and trapping him inside where he died out of Co2 poisoning before being burnt post-mortem, a bit too flashy for the cleanup crew's opinion, but they're being paid to clean and not to argue.

This was all Moonshine's idea.

He predicted where the jeweller would hide in. He predicted that someone as prideful as the jeweller who has no family nor friends, would value his collection more than anything, that was his whole identity, those paintings, his pride and joy. From that psychological profile mixed with Bourbon's thorough information of his lifestyle and properties, Moonshine concludes that the plane tickets overseas are merely a diversion, that he is still in Japan, in the hidden armoury of his gallery, the only place he would feel safe.

…

If Shinichi had let him go, he would have been tortured by Gin as a punishment for failing his mission, Moonshine's credibility would finally be smeared, and with the ‘bad rep’ he got for himself, for looking like a rank climber in such a young age, he'll be easy prey for the other determined codename members.

It was either the Jeweller's life or his whole mission.

Moonshine hums as he opens his car, he calls Gin, but even before he can speak, Gin says, “Debrief tomorrow.” Before simply hanging up. No congratulations, sincere or sarcastic, given to him. All he got was orders, Gin must be disappointed that he once again lost an opportunity to teach little Moonshine a lesson.

Which is good. That's good news, right? Shinichi quickly pockets his phone, he can't think about it, not now. His hands are starting to tremble, his ears and cheeks are already getting hot, his nose is burning, the corner of his eyes has started to well.

He stomps down on the gas and accelerates out of there in his brand-new sports car, of course, Moonshine likes shiny things after all.

=

Rei closed his eyes as another loud scream blew out his left eardrum, but he didn't move away. Instead, he hugged him tighter, Conan screaming onto his shoulder, snot and tears wetting his shirt but Rei didn't say a thing.

Rei doesn't say that Conan ‘did what he had to do.’ He doesn't say that Conan doesn’t have a choice. Because he had one, and he will always have, since the only thing he's bound to is himself, the only thing he has to answer to is his conscience.

Rei pats the other side of the seat blindly until he finds a box of tissue. He pulls Conan off of him, wiping his tears-soaked cheeks and his dripping nose.

See, after Conan left the premises, Furuya quickly followed him. To say Conan was driving recklessly was an understatement, the boy was acting like death had no grip on him with the way he almost crashed multiple times on the highway, like he needed to go home in the next couple of minutes or… or…

Furuya had steeled himself, if he had to get his Mazda destroyed to stop Conan then so be it.

But thankfully, Rei had managed to swerve both of their vehicles out of the highway into a quiet road, one practically abandoned. He quickly exited the car, he banged at Conan's passenger door before the boy finally unlocked it.

Rei rushed in, slammed the door close behind him, sat down, and pulled the boy into his lap.

And that is why they're here, Rei holding Conan through his mental breakdown, something that is obviously not the first, as the moment Conan managed to find a semblance of lucidity, he started rummaging through the glove compartment, Rei's eyes narrowing on the bottle of prescription pill, Conan swallowing dry two of them at the same time.

Rei wonders if they’re placebo pills or not since no medicine would ever work this quickly, but at least it gives Conan some kind of calm.

But he's not here to coddle him, yes, he followed him because he could see through the cracks way too easily, because he knew Conan was barely holding onto his facade, and that he would breakdown in the next hour or so and he was right, wasn't he?

Once Conan is able to breathe steady, Rei quickly cups his cheeks, forcing Conan to look at him. “You can't do that again, you hear me?”

“…”

“You teared up back then and you didn't even realize it. Thank god it was just me– Hey, hey! Conan, don't look away!” His hand grips his face just a tad bit harder. “It was hard, I get it, trust me, I do. But you can't show any of your feelings out there. You were there as Moonshine and I don't care what you have to do, I don't give a shit about how you feel at that moment, you have to hold it together and stay as Moonshine, do you hear me?” Conan didn't answer so Rei shook him once. “Conan-kun! Do you understand!? This is a matter of life and death! If they find out, my bullet through your head will be the only painless way out, you hear me!? You can't slip again. EVER!”

“I could've let him live.” Moonshine's pitch had disappeared, understandable, that person isn't here, the one in his arms is just Conan. “I killed him…”

You did. Rei wants to answer, but he quickly realizes that it isn't a conversation that Conan wants, he wants silence, only silence, and the quickest way is to say facts.

“Amuro-san…” Shinichi's forehead thumps back to Amuro's shoulder, his body gone limp and Amuro hugs him tighter simply because there's really nothing else to do. “I can't count my kills with just my hands…”

…

Deja vu floods his mind, of 27-year-old Furuya Rei, smiling as he takes the life of his 10th victim, right in front of Vermouth's eyes, earning him an approving smile, and securing him his name.

He was 27. Shinichi is barely 20.

They stay silent because there's nothing else to say.

Rei lets the boy hide on his shoulder again though, the only image left is the little boy running around Poirot, now staring at nothing, no more light in his eyes.

=

The irony is, at the beginning, it was Rei who was reluctant to help him. It was Rei who snapped at Akai when he said they should reach out to Conan-kun first, to not tell their institution what they know, to do this completely off the books and at that time, Rei accused him of being… weak. That he felt so grateful to the boy for helping him fake his death that now he felt this obligation to help someone who is nothing but a complete criminal. Conan-kun did not do this for justice, he did all this for selfish, selfish, revenge. And that Akai was WEAK for giving in to his guilt.

Akai didn't bother to argue with him, all he said was that his decision was final, and Rei could consider their cooperation to be over if he ever opened his mouth and reported Conan-kun's presence to the NPA. Akai told him that night that, if anyone could understand what Conan-kun is doing what he's doing, then it should be them. Rei refused to back down, he retaliated, he told Akai that he wouldn’t sabotage whatever crazy plan Conan-kun cooked up but there was no way he could conceal such a big update from his supervisors, knowing that Conan, despite it all, could be a threat, he’s smart enough for that. Rei dismissed him that night, kicked him off his apartment and they had a ‘fight’ that hasn't been resolved till this day.

It was Rei who insisted they shouldn't help Conan-kun, and yet…

Rei instantly pauses when Conan hisses, but he doesn't stop his ministrations, not when they're almost done anyway.

“Ow…”

“Sit still…” Rei sighs, rolling his eyes when Conan twitches again.

“Amuro-san, stop tugging on it…”

“What do you expect, Conan-kun? I have to do this or else it will get worse.” Rei sighs yet again, a bit louder this time. “This is a lesson.” He picks up the scissors lying on the sink next to them. He leans in close, so close that Shinichi can smell his cologne, (woodsy, it reminds him of someone), and who knows, he can't explain it, something about Amuro-san is just so distracting that he almost jumped when he hears the sound of sharp metal scissors snipping in the air.

Rei looks down at Conan's rapidly blinking eyes, he snipped the scissors a few more times to make sure Conan is lucid before he picks the sectioned-off part of his hair, the one matted down by blood and couldn't be saved despite the hot shower and conditioner, pull them loose, positions the scissor just above the tangled mess and cuts it in one go.

“There's two lessons here. First, is that your hair is going to be more fragile than a thin sheet of ice on a summer's day if you don't take care of it, and second,”

…

Shinichi stays still, the tip of the scissors hovers over his eye for a second before it settles just above his cheekbone.

In surgical precision, Rei traces the tip from the side of his to the centre of his face, right up the bridge of his nose and to his forehead, settling right on top of the circular pinkish hue, stinging in the aftermath of having the hot muzzle of a gun freshly shot pressed right there.

“Just because you take out someone's shooting hand, doesn't mean they're not going to shoot again.”

Conan's hand settled on Rei’s shoulder and he pushed him away. Rei lifts his hand for a second in a fake understanding gesture before he resumes brushing over his damp hair, snipping away multiple matted strands. Thankfully Conan's hair is long enough for it to not be noticeable, though those extensions are going to need massive work in the future. Conan hasn't said anything since they arrived back for their assignment and by this point, Rei realizes that if he needs to survive in this resurrected version of Conan-kun, he's going to need to rewire his brain a bit.

It's been three weeks since their first mission together, it's been three weeks since Furuya hugged Conan through his mental breakdown. It's been three weeks since he told Conan, still crying and all, that he cannot break his cover ever again, not even a hairline crack can be seen whenever he's out there, it doesn't matter if there's no one watching, it doesn't matter if he thinks he is completely alone, if he's out of his safe haven, wherever that might be, then he needs to be Moonshine. He has to continue being Moonshine and despite everything, Conan-kun seems to have not accepted that fact yet. He has gotten better though.

Hm. Jury's still out in considering it better or worse, but right now, at this moment, it's better.

This is the fourth mission Rum had paired them together with. Rei is still struggling to understand the reason but if his suspicions are correct and that Rum is trying to grow yet another Curaçao, then he's just making sure he's not wasting his time. Why assign Bourbon to him? No concrete reasons as to why yet, but maybe he thought allocating him to constant babysitting duties would be punishment enough for thee Bourbon. Regardless, Rei thinks that… if Conan is going to be stuck with someone in the end, he's glad that at least it is him.

See, Rei has an inkling that Conan doesn’t work alone, he knows that the boy must have a partner but not one that can protect him on the field. Which is frustrating because he knows, he physically knows that Conan isn't the strongest person there is. He's just… a normal person; no special training, no strenuous sports, he’s fit for his age but that's about it. Though to make up for it, he learned that Conan has impeccable aim. He's surprisingly good with handguns and that compact Sig Sauer he carries with him is a weapon he knows how to wield, but the PROBLEM is… Conan refuses the use those skills.

He can aim a gun like a hunter but he can't pull the trigger like one.

Today, Conan could've gotten out unscathed during their escape but he just has to hesitate in killing the squad sent to track them down, Rei doesn’t blame him for it, the first time he had to kill another uniform to save his cover, he was almost pulled out over the mental strain but he thought that his adrenaline would've dampened his judgement and yet… Conan just couldn't do it, he shot their pursuer's hand and tried to make a run for it, only to trip after barely dodging a bullet that would've made a nest in his calf if he didn't jump out of the way in time. Impressive reflexes, if only he would just hone it.

Rei barely made it in time, seconds before Moonshine was about to be executed. It would've been a justified shot too, Moonshine is an armed serial killer, so his death will be justified in the eyes of the law but just when Conan thought his life was over, he heard another gunshot and not a second later he was pinned under a lifeless, heavy, profusely bleeding body.

He wasn't dead but he might as well be, seeing how frozen he was. Rei had to carry him in his arms all the way from the hiding spot to their car, it took ten full minutes to get there, running around and hiding with a grown-ass man shellshocked in his arms.

So here they are now, Conan freshly showered, letting Rei cut away at him bit by bit, even though it was just his hair, it didn't feel like it.

It felt like he was cutting something else.

=

“He's going to need… Therapy. Counselling.”

“He's gonna need divine intervention, that’s what he'll need. An exorcism too while you're at it.”

Rei throws the rest of the written report of the mission that he and Conan-kun completed yesterday to Akai's lap before sliding a glass of liquor right next to it, Akai caught it right before it spilt all over his shirt. Good, he needs this all filled to the brim, one-shotting that whole bottle will probably feel less painful than seeing the physical proof of what Shinichi had done.

If Rei had done this all by himself, Akai wouldn't have any qualms about it. If it was Rei who tracked down an informant and then poisoned their meal in the family diner the poor man was eating his dinner in, he wouldn't have batted an eye. But that was Shinichi's handiwork. Shinichi who then cut the informant's ring finger postmortem to give to Gin as proof.

It wouldn't have disturbed him this much if it was Rei who took out two armed detectives that have been tailing them for a while, he'd chalk it up to self-defence which it actually was, but it was Shinichi who pulled the trigger, even though he didn't finish the job.

Shinichi. It was all Shinichi's work.

And the boy is slowly losing himself because of it.

“And have you checked these meds that he's been drinking?”

“Yep, mood stabilizers, at least it's not Xanax.”

“Hm.” Akai closes the files, he's pleasantly surprised that Shinichi didn't go down that road, but that's about the only good thing about this. Because his staying sober throughout this horror means that he's determined to see this to the end, he refuses to poison himself despite his longing for a mental escape, no matter how brief, because he knows he has to focus on this crusade of his. But how long will that take? If Shinichi has been planning this since his fake suicide, that means he’s been doing this for almost 3 years now, even if he only started killing in the past month or so.

“He can't go on like this,” Akai states, he had mostly been neutral about Shinichi's actions, he doesn't condone it but he's not losing sleep over it like he knows Rei is. But now that he considers the months and years he had put into his work, he's afraid he's going to break sooner than later. “We need to help him.”

“I know.” Rei swirls the thawing ice cube in his hand, watching as the liquor swirls around slowly, doesn't even look interested in drinking it but he does anyway. “Ideas?”

That's the hard part, isn't it? At least with them, they already have multiple plans and timelines for their goals, they already establish their positions and Rei at least has a whole team he can mobilize but what does Shinichi have? They want to help him, but they won't know how to if the boy gives them nothing. Just because Shinichi doesn’t actively shun them, doesn't mean he's talking to them either. Hell, despite spending days together, Shinichi rarely ever talks to him, yesterday was the only time they talked longer than a few sentences outside of work, and that was because he desperately needed help cleaning and… cutting his hair.

While Rei is busy wallowing in silence, Akai's eyes wonder to another file next to the ones he just read, the file that has the NPA logo on it, Rei would bite his fingers off if he touched even the edges but he surprised him by tossing it to Akai's lap with a shrug.

The first thing Akai sees is a small sample plastic zip with a few locks of hair in it. Red strands with black roots. He checked the result of the DNA test and they came out as a perfect match… Is Rei really that desperate? What did he really want? For Shinichi to actually be dead and this is just his doppelgang–

“Shut up…” Rei hisses, hitting his shoulder because he can just hear what Akai is thinking. Of course he doesn't understand! He… how would he… understand? To see a boy he thought was dead, to feel that surge of ecstatic joy of seeing him alive, alongside the absolute horror upon realizing what monster he had become… “I just wanted to make sure.”

“I know.”

A tense silence follows, one broken when Rei pretty much slams his glass to the table. “Alright, enough. I gave you the update.” He gestures to the door with his chin, telling Akai to fuck off already, groaning when Akai doesn’t leave. Of course, when has it ever been that easy?

=

Shinichi hisses, covering his eyes quickly when Heiji flicks the light switch on.

“Wake the fuck up, vampire! Ya better not drown to death!”

“Hattori– Inside voice… Ouch–” Heiji poked the side of his head with his phone, the one that he left charging downstairs. Shinichi holds it, seeing around 9 missed calls already.

“‘Was fucking nappin’ when yer damn phone just won' stop yappin’. It's the ol’ blondie! Just call 'im back!” Then Heiji stomps off, he gets even more rude when he's cranky but it's understandable, no one likes their amazing nap disturbed.

Shinichi sighs when Heiji, despite his show of annoyance, still dimmed the overhead lights so Shinichi can at least relax a little. It is his fault though, he thought soaking in hot water would help him forget the nightmares but it just knocked him out instead, he could've drowned in his sleep. Not that that would be such a bad thing.

Shinichi decides to follow Heiji's advice and calls Amuro-san back, he pleads under his breath so that he won't pick up but luck has never been on Shinichi’s side.

…

“I have an offer.”

Of course he does, and Shinichi knows it's not one he can decline even if he wants to. What he wants rarely ever matters in Amuro's eyes after all. Amuro-san wants something, and Conan knows from experience that when that happens, there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

That’s what Conan assumes anyway. Even though, unbeknownst to him, giving his Conan-kun this ‘offer’ is the last thing Rei wants to do. In his mind, he’s trying to help the boy finish his crusade as soon as possible, even if that means burning the last bit of his compassion along the way.

Chapter 13: A Lesson

Chapter Text

I have an offer.’

But it’s not really an offer, is it? If Shinichi is to accept, he knows there will be plenty of strings attached, if he refuses, he knows Amuro will either pester him endlessly or at the very least, refuse to let it go. All of those are just speculations of course, but it’s not like Amuro-san makes it easier for Shinichi to trust him fully.

Without saying a thing, he just puts the call on loudspeaker and sets it on the elevated edge of his bathtub while he continues to sink under the water, Amuro’s voice is muffled but he doesn’t care. Despite the lack of verbal cues, the older man continues anyway.

…

And what an offer it was.

The moment he starts talking, Shinichi already doesn’t like where it is going.

Pinga. That name itself made him shiver, he remembers when he met Pinga for the very first time, that snake was a master of disguise, one on par with Vermouth apparently because Shinichi didn’t even realize he was being followed until the inconspicuous valet driver pulled a gun from his back holster, Shinichi’s hand couldn’t even get near his belt before the muzzle of Pinga’s handgun pressed firmly on his temple. The safety’s off, his finger on the trigger.

‘This is a warning,’ No sugarcoating, he wasn’t even taunting him, he was dead serious with his signature leers missing from their conversation. His eyes went wide as saucers, the shadow of Pinga’s hand lifting up in the air covering his face just before he pummeled the side of Shinichi’s head with the barrel of the gun.

One good thing about having long hair is that he’s able to hide the gruesome bruise easily, he’s not looking to add more to his plate so Shinichi was content with letting Pinga think that he managed to successfully spook him, and the older just ends up ignoring him whenever they meet again, ever since that confrontation, Pinga had not said a word to him. And he wants to keep it that way, but he rarely gets what he wants.

“I think this will benefit you, so, I’m offering.” Shinichi actually snorts at that, rolling his eyes so hard his head hurts.

“How generous of you.” Shinichi pushes himself up to his feet in one go, the sound of water loudly splashing around as he quickly squeezes as much water as he can from his hair before walking out and wrapping a bathrobe around himself. “Thank you for the offer Amuro-san but I can’t afford to take any action towards him.” He does NOT want to, he’s already pushing his ‘privileges’ to the very edge, always acting in the cocky, immature way that Moonshine’s persona demands, he has no friends in that wretched place, last he wants to do is create an enemy, especially with someone that Rum personally favours. “Curaçao can’t stand him, Rum likes him, I don’t think I can do anything with whatever dirt you managed to dig up.”

…

On the other side of the call, Furuya swallows down a sign, his fingers rubbing his forehead so hard but the incoming headache is not going away any time soon. See, this is the thing, the fact that Shinichi knows how Curaçao personally feels about Pinga and how Rum’s favouritism grew more prominent, shows just how much time he had spent with them. What was he even doing? What is it about him– No, not Conan-kun, what is it about Moonshine that’s so intriguing that Rum keeps him around in his little circle, hm?

There are these… emotions in the pit of his stomach; first and foremost, he’s worried, but he’ll admit only to himself that there’s a certain type of… jealousy, mixed in there.

Yes. Jealousy. Not even the heavens can torture that fact out of him but he’s not foolish enough to pretend not to know what he's feeling.

Just– give him a fucking break. How long has he been doing this? Half a decade has passed and he crawled his way up step by step, climbing each boulder till his fingers bleed, the number of atrocities he had to commit, the innocent life he had to take, he sits at a table so high up that Vermouth was forced to work with him but it took Conan-kun how long? Two months? A measly sixty days to get cozy with the vice president of this whole criminal enterprise. Sure, he sympathised with Conan-kun’s plight, seeing how quickly his mind bent and broke, a few weeks after Ran Mouri’s death and he did the unthinkable– He UNDERSTANDS! That boy sacrificed so much but then again…

Furuya takes a deep, deep breath before he continues, only saying one word.

“We need to talk, face to face.”

=

‘You need to talk to him.’ That’s what Shiho said when Shinichi was still in his bedroom drying his hair, it takes a long time to do that now. When he asked what was so important, she didn’t answer, just telling him to hurry down. And so, Shinichi obliged. An odd sight greeted him when he arrived, Heiji, who usually spends his time in the garage or in his room, is now staring at the screen in their work room, clicking over slides and reading a zoomed-in file.

“Talk to me.” He said, waiting for Heiji to answer, the man uncharacteristically silent, only talks after a long pause.

“Ya haven’t read the file Gin sent ya earlier, right?”

“Yeah, is there something odd?” Gin had yet again assigned him to another mission, Shinichi was so drained from his conversation with Amuro that he decides to give himself an hour break before dealing with that mess, but as usual, his files automatically saved on the server downstairs too and for whatever reason, Heiji seems to take an interest in it.

After a while, the reason became obvious. Shinichi’s eyes widen, his body feels cold. “Are you serious…” Less than a question, Shinichi steps forward to read closer as if the words will change if he reads them twice.

There, on the screen, is the photo of Moonshine’s next target.

Ginshiro Toyama, Kazuha’s father.

Quickly scanning the file, he found the concise briefing of his assignment.

‘In possession of Minister Ogawa. Order to execute: Approved.’ It is then followed by the typical template that Shinichi is now accustomed to; the deadline of the mission and certain loose ends that Moonshine needs to wrap up before reporting back.

But why an execution? Why so abruptly? These details are usually given through the face-to-face briefing which usually happens the day after, but Shinichi already has an idea. Usually, high-ranking officers are only targeted if they become an immediate threat, it seems like Toyama has managed to turn one of the Organization’s allies towards their side and Moonshine is ordered to… make an example of him. It’s a warning, both to the police and the other allies of the Organization.

Before Shinichi could say another word, Heiji groaned out in pure frustration, stomping out to the gardens outside to smoke with Shinichi following close behind.

“I still don’ know where Kazuha is.” Heiji starts talking before Shinichi could even ask, he knows that he just can’t keep it in anymore. “I don’ care if he dies.” Wow, Shinichi wasn’t expecting that, he took a stick from Heiji’s cigarette pack and helped himself to his dose of nicotine. Cigarettes do nothing for him, it doesn’t calm him down, he doesn’t even like the taste, but it does give him something to do during tense conversations like these.

“You want me to go ahead with it then?” Oh, how easy it is for Shinichi to ask him that, Heiji clicked his tongue in disapproval.

“No.” Of course not… Shinichi raises his brow, as if asking Heiji, ‘What’s the problem, then?’

“I can track Kazuha eventually, I know I can, but…” Yeah, it might even be easier for him if Toyama is out of the picture, but, “I can’t let her go through that, Kudo. She suffered enough already.” Heiji unlocks his phone and hands it to Shinichi. “I asked Shiho to find this.” Shiho, huh? Heiji usually calls her ‘Sherry-lady’, it makes this conversation feels heavier, even his ever-present playful nature is gone. On his phone is Kazuha’s medical history, it seems like Shiho had managed to obtain Kazuha’s admission to a physical therapy clinic located in the U.S., Shinichi knows that she’s staying there to get the best care but it seems like it’s not going as well as she expects it to be. Her bone didn’t heal properly and she needed a second surgery, and now her muscles are getting weaker from the constant bed rest. Shinichi understands, she’s struggling hard already, being in a foreign country with absolutely no friends and only her mother to keep her company, if you add losing her father to it, probably not being able to come to his funeral… Who knows what will happen to her, grief can cripple you inside and out. It’s obvious that Heiji wants to save the love of his life.

“Well, let’s make sure that doesn’t happen.” Shinichi says, before Heiji can ask him what he means, he follows up with; “Let’s just go straight to the source. This Ogawa,” Shinichi gestured with his hand, bringing the attention back to the reason why Toyama is targeted.

“Let’s just kill her first.”

=

“Intresting, intresting… Why the drastic change?”

Rather than meeting in the headquarters, Rum had ordered Moonshine to meet him at a find-dining establishment, set on the roof of an innocuous highrise building, devoid of any other customer, he wondered why Rum wanted this level of privacy.

Whatever, Shinichi haven’t eaten for a whole day and this steak tastes good. It completely slips his mind that… just a few months prior, he would probably throw up if he had to talk about this kind of subject with a plate of food right in front of him. See, Shinichi had assumed that the kill order came from Gin, but it seems to have came from Rum directly, he takes that opportunity to negotiate.

“The power vacuum left by Toyama just seems like an unnecessary risk.” Moonshine answers, shrugging his shoulder with his pitched, whiny voice. “I don’t wanna deal with that.”

“I thought you like playing games, Moonshine.” Rum replied, an amused twinge on his voice seeing how the boy sulked in response. It’s a bit refreshing, he remembered how quiet Curaçao was at his age. But the fact that the boy is questioning his decision annoys him a bit, oh well. He gestured at Moonshine to continue with his proposal.

“Ogawa is a better target in my opinion.”

“I see, tell me why.”

“Do you remember Moroboshi? Hideki Moroboshi’s father?”

“Ah, yes.” Of course he remembers, that’s one of Moonshine’s first missions after all, the thing that solidified ‘ That Peron’s’ interest in him.

“With Ogawa dead, he’s the best candidate to take the position, wouldn’t that be nice?”

The kid has a point, Moroboshi’s family has returned to their clutches now, as long as they have control over their grandson, his father will have no choice but to follow. The Minister of Defense in their pocket, huh?

…

“Bourbon will help you.”

Shinichi paused, his knife making a sharp voice as it clinked onto the plate. He set his cutlery down, looking up at Rum in confusion. “Again?”

“You need an experienced informant, don’t you? Or did you think you can take a Minister head-on all by yourself?”

“I–”

“You’re smart but not that smart.” Rum cuts him off, a smile on his face that sends a shiver down Shinichi’s spine, something he’s fighting tooth and nail not to show. “Not as much as you think you are anyway. Bourbon knows the ins and outs of politics more than you do, or is there a personal reason why you don’t want to work with him?”

“No.” Shinichi answers, going back to eating his food.

“Good, and Moonshine?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t disappoint me.”

Shinichi knows a threat when he hears one.

=

Heiji watches as Shinichi slumps onto the sofa in his work room, the screen connected to his phone shows ‘Bourbon’ on the line, he can hear their conversation loud and clear from where he’s sitting and he can feel a headache brewing. They’re planning on executing Ogawa.

Heiji remembers the conversation with Shinichi just a few days ago, vividly because it just… Shocked him.

‘Let’s just kill her first.’

That’s what Shinichi said to him oh-so-easily.

Heiji knows his work, he knows , but he also remembers the first days he met Shinichi yet again, how quiet he was, how depressed, sometimes he went days without properly eating because he had to kill someone again and yet yesterday he just went and said that, as if it’s a normal, logical solution to their problem. He didn’t think about how to save Toyama; maybe fake his death? Maybe find a way to negotiate his life? No, his first idea was to just kill someone else to save the one he wanted to keep.

Kill Ogawa. Let’s just kill Ogawa. The easier way is to kill Ogawa.

Heiji knows it’s extremely hypocritical of him, he was glad that they have a solution that Rum approved, but now he finally sees with his own eyes just how… how…

“So, everything is settled, then?”

Heiji strains his ears to hear Bourbon’s answer, confirming Moonshine’s question. All the preparation is done and all that’s left is to infiltrate Ogawa’s temporary lodging, she would be travelling to Chiba for a conference, and she’s to stay in a hotel and it’s infinitely easier to sneak into hotels than it is to try and execute her in her office or her house.

Tomorrow Moonshine and Bourbon will fly to Chiba on different schedules, Moonshine dressed as Masami Hirota and Bourbon as… Who knows, really, that man can transform into anyone he likes, they both can, of course they can, both of them were tutored thoroughly by Vermouth after all, one of the masters in disguise.

Heiji watch as Shinichi ends the call with Bourbon and does what he rarely ever did, something he actively avoids; going to the home bar and pouring himself straight liquor, downing down a shot of whiskey before going up to his room for a long night.

=

“Moonshine was feeling creative it seems, you know what to do, Bourbon.”

Rei stops the voice recording given by Rum, turning to Akai who’s still staring blankly at the screen, seeing the detailed information Bourbon needs to take on the impromptu mission he was given.

“Shinichi proposed this?” Akai asks and Rei just groans, his hand gesturing that yes, It was all Conan’s idea to fucking kill the Minister.

“To be fair, it’s not like he could decline the order.”

“This is his third execution in the span of a month.” And that isn’t normal, Moonshine is assigned as a Strategist, usually designated for long-term missions and yet here he is, collecting bodies almost once per week. “And it wasn’t Gin’s orders.” Akai honest-to-god thought that the frequency of Moonshine’s kills was Gin’s way to ‘break in’ the new toy that he’s completely annoyed by but it seems like Rum is also taking a piece of this cake. Why? It’s not like he has to question Moonshine’s loyalty, ‘That Person’ has been treating Moonshine with enough favoritism to make a statement. And not to mention that Bourbon has been assigned to him multiple times. Is it just because they like assigning thee Bourbon on babysitting duty, or is there something deeper?

Rei sighs, almost throwing his phone to the sofa in frustration, massaging the bridge of his nose. Like it or not, he will have to help Conan with yet another murder.

=

The Minister of Defense didn’t get where she was without being the best player in the game. You know how they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions? Rei knows that there is far more truth in that than any other idiom.

Lady Ogawa grew up with a humble background, her mother was a teacher and her father was a salaryman, from his research, Rei knows that she wasn’t planning on becoming a Minister, it seems like she wanted to be an athlete. But that all changed in high school, when her Father was ‘let go’ just a year before his retirement. Her father is older than most, only having her when he was already 38 years old, he was ready to retire and spend some time with her before she too will have to dive head-first into the real world but his plans were shattered when he was let go with a retirement plan that would make it impossible to continue living in the very standard middle house income life that he was living in with his wife and daughter.

Ogawa was forced to give up her scholarship so that she could earn a living, working to fill the void left by the lack of income. Her participation in politics grew from simply joining protests in support of labour rights into winning elections and after 25 years, she is now a Minister.

While her title and achievement might be impressive, Rei knows full well that no great accomplishment comes without a great sacrifice. Ogawa is no different. While the power she has on paper makes her look untouchable, in reality, it was far worse. She was pulled in all directions, pressured to choose in between the interests of her political party and the military, she was heavily criticized for prioritizing diplomatic relations above strengthening their position on international stages and to put it in extremely simple terms: she was stressed.

All of this pressure in the last 10 years has done absolute hell to her personal life too. Something that Conan-kun laser-focused on from the first day.

Before having such high positions, Ogawa was happily married with two children, but her focus at work had pulled her away, just last year, her divorce was finalized. Losing her family must’ve been the final nail in the coffin because now, while looking just as strong and dependable on the outside, inside, she is an absolute mess.

She drank more than she ever did in the past if her credit card records say anything, she started splurging on luxury items that she didn’t need and sold her family house in turn for a private mansion, she was barely hanging in there. It turned her into an easy target for the Organization, not long after her ‘fall from grace’, she was approached by an agent of theirs who managed to rope her into financial cooperation, binding her to the Organization forever and it has been like that for the past 5 years.

So, what changed?

It seems like Ginshiro Toyama managed to put together her situation, he offered her to be an informant, and she, seeing it as a way to redeem herself, maybe seeing hope for the first time in her life, planned to take the deal. She underestimates the Organization’s power and look at where it got her.

‘It’s complimentary, Ma’am.’

Conan-kun had ordered a bottle of wine to be delivered to Ogawa’s room in advance, he was weaponizing her drinking problem knowing that she couldn’t possibly decline such an offer.

And he was right of course, Bourbon understands why Gin seems so irritated by him, everything he planned worked . That kind of brain… if only Conan-kun didn’t lose his way, if only he–

No. Stop. Rei really need to check himself and stop his brain from wondering all the time, what’s done is done. Conan-kun is not using his brain for good, he’s just an immoral person who’s walking into the hotel right now, dressed in a disguise with a gun holstered under his skirt.

Yes. Skirt. Bourbon couldn’t believe his eyes when Conan– No, Moonshine, met him in their temporary safehouse with his brunette hair, white button-up tucked into a pencil skirt, cinched waist under his clothes and kitten heels making the smallest noise as he walked. Moonshine’s face unrecognizable under the disguise of a woman, Rei has no idea that Conan is capable of this, the lengths that he went through for this ridiculous revenge of his. Where did he learn how to do this? Who is he–

“Bourbon.” Conan snapped him out of it with a perfectly curated feminine voice, his eyes looking at him with that unreadable stare. “We’re wasting time.”

Furuya nods, following him out of the safe house and into the car. This is easier, he thinks. It’s easier to dissociate Conan from the murder they’re about to commit when he looks like a woman he doesn’t know.

That’s what he thought anyway, the truth is bleaker than that.

Turns out, he can’t dissociate Conan from the act, he can’t pretend that it’s not Conan Edogawa who broke into Minister Ogawa’s room and saw her passed out on the floor from the laced wine. He can’t, despite desperately wanting to, disconnect the person from the act as Moonshine lift up his skirt just enough to grab the gun holstered tightly on his calf, standing next to Ogawa as he fishs out a silencer from the side of the modified holster. He can’t take his eyes away from the blank look on Conan’s disguised face as he screws on the silencer and clicked the safety of his gun off.

But he does manage to look away right at the last second when Conan takes aim, and, with only a second of hesitation,

He pulls the trigger.

The sound of the gunshot still reverberates through the wall, but not loud enough to risk alarming the other occupants. In another world, this might even be called mercy, the fact that Moonshine had drugged up his victim so that they can’t feel any pain, only falling into their eternal slumber with no warning whatsoever.

When Bourbon turns around, he sees Moonshine stepping back to keep his shoes away from the blood that is rapidly spreading on the floor, coming from the clean hole in between her brows, a one-shot kill, efficient, quick.

Moonshine takes a picture and soaks a cotton bud in the blood before sealing it as evidence for his mission, they always have to do that, can’t be too careful, right?

“Let’s go.”

Furuya blinks as Moonshine’s voice breaks him out of this weird trance he’s in, he stares at Moonshine’s retreating back, his feet moving on autopilot as he follows him out.

He can hear his heartbeat in his ears, feels his vision turning red at the silent figure walking in front of him, watching Moonshine step into the elevator while Furuya takes another way to slip into the server room and erase the CCTV footage and then regroup at the safe house. Their eyes lock once before the elevator door closes, separating them.

…

Wait,

Something feels wrong.

=

Furuya yanked Conan back hard but the boy didn’t react, he would’ve fallen down if Furuya didn't have both of his arms clutched tight. It could be because of the darkness of the night but moonlight is seeping through the curtain in their safe house and there’s no reason for Conan to stumble around like this, unable to walk from the bathroom back to the tiny bedroom that they shared.

He was about to say something, he… isn’t even sure what yet, but he felt like he needed to say something to him but he stopped. He stopped because as he was trying to speak, he realized that Conan’s eyes weren’t even looking at him. He’s looking straight through him. His pupils unfocused, he looks completely unaffected by all of this and–

…

“Are you… high?”

Furuya’s voice comes out like a whisper, his anger dissipating as quickly as it came, but it didn’t disappear, it simmers under his skin as Conan shoves his hand away and this time at least, he seems to have some balance, enough that he didn’t fall down right away.

“Conan?”

He doesn’t answer, uncomfortable silence fills the air, it was only because of reflex and nothing else did Furuya reach out to grab Conan’s arm, steadying him as he almost falls yet again, sitting him down slowly on the bed, the boy slumping to his back in seconds, eyes staring at the ceilings above.

“I didn’t know…” He finally speaks, his voice slurred but still audible. “I didn’t know how easy… it would be…”

What is ‘it’? What is ‘it’ that’s so easy for him to do now?

“I didn’t understand… I couldn’t. I thought I never would…” He continues, Rei never replies, just letting him ramble on aimlessly. When Conan continues, Rei closes his eyes, swallowing down a sigh as he sits next to the bed, watching as the boy, still high out of his mind, finally falls asleep from exhaustion.

“I never thought I’d understand… how easy it would be… to take a life…”

=

Rei keeps coughing as he wakes from his nightmare, shooting up the bed to sit, breathing so hard that he choked on his own spit. The person next to him quickly roused from his slumber as well, hand on Furuya’s back, gently patting him until his coughing calmed.

When he finally got his bearings, he quickly looked around frantically, finally deflating and calming down when he realizes where he is; his own bedroom in his apartment.

“Rei-kun?” Akai’s voice sounds jumbled in his mind, he sounds so hoarse, obviously jolted awake by Rei's frantic movement, “Are you okay?”

Rei didn’t answer, but it's obvious that he's not. He can't. Not with the vague yet haunting realization that it's not his failures or ghosts of his pasts that were haunting his nightmare, but rather, it was Moonshine's blood-red eyes, staring right at him, and just a step away, Conan-kun kneels on the floor, unable to move as Moonshine pressed a steaming muzzle of a gun on the back of his head.

And he killed him, execution style.

The image is burned into his mind, no longer was he mourning over his grave, now he knows that Conan-kun is still alive and yet he can't save him because Moonshine refused to accept his help. He doesn't even have the energy to fight Akai off as the sniper pulls him into his arms, hugging Furuya as he starts wailing in tears.

Days after he accompanied Moonshine to kill Ogawa yet it felt like yesterday, the memory tormenting him, the image of Moonshine shooting Ogawa’s head, the image of Seiji Asoh stumbling through their apartment after ingesting some kind of drug to obviously calm himself after committing straight up murder.

How he, on the bed, confessed to Rei that he didn’t know how easy it was to murder someone, that all of his previous assumption as a former ‘detective’ was just a lie. He used to think that it takes a whole lot to push yourself to kill but no… It took only a single order from a higher-up, and a pill to numb the pain.

Then, the image of his dream attacks his mind and Rei failed to contain his sobbing, he saw the boy he used to cherished, saw the image of naivete and unshakable morals compressed into the tiny body of 7-year-old Conan Edogawa completely shattered into pieces, the reminder of the goodness left in the world now gone, he used to think of Conan, as annoying as he was, was the very reason why he continues to fight, people like Conan was the reason why he needs to continue being a police officer, because he’s protecting people like him, the innocent, the righteous, the kind.

But it’s gone– It’s gone now, IT’S GONE!!!

HE KILLED IT! HE KILLED HIM! MOONSHINE SHOT LITTLE CONAN EDOGAWA AND NOW HE’S DEAD, TRULY DEAD! HE CAN’T COMEBACK! HE’S GONE! WHAT’S THE POINT IN FIGHTING ANYMORE? EVERYONE IS JUST ROTTEN TO THE CORE! IT’S KILL OR BE KILLED EVERY SINGLE TIME, IT–

“Rei-kun?” And for the first time, Rei returned Akai’s hug, unable to keep the pain locked away, he cried into his arms for the rest of the night.

In the morning, when he’s more lucid and calm, Rei starts thinking about his nightmare and what it meant. Is this all this is then? Conan will just continue to… disappear, bit by bit until he gets his revenge?

Until he got his… Revenge.

And,

And when he gets it.

He’ll stop.

And then Conan maybe… Maybe…

=

Amuro-san didn’t give him a chance to reply to his previous offer of meeting face to face, they just finished with the mission, Shinichi really has no energy for this…

But he didn’t expect Amuro to kidnap him like this, force him back into the crashpad that he visited once. Though of all the things that Shinichi assumes Amuro-san is going to say, he wasn’t expecting this.

“You can’t possibly… How?”

“It was a joint effort.”

“So… He knows that you’re a NOC now?”

“Naturally.”

“How–” Shinichi stops when Amuro gives him a look, ugh, fine, he knows that Amuro is not going to tell him anything about any of PSB missions but if what Amuro-san is telling true… He can’t just trust him blindly, he never did and he never will, but if he’s being straight with him for once then maybe he will. Shinichi is about to convey this when Amuro hands him a tablet.

Shinichi cautiously looks down at the screen, a full 6 hours footage of an… interrogation room. It doesn’t look like it thought, it’s just an empty room, not even a table in sight, no tape recorder but obviously they don’t need one, the whole room is rigged with recording devices both visual and auditory. Shinichi has an inkling on what this is, but he presses play anyway, he skipped a few minutes as the video progressed.

He can’t stop a wince coming out when he sees the thing that he dreaded, the scream pierces his ears and he throws the tablet straight to the table.

No, this wasn’t the worst thing he’d seen, unfortunately by this point, he had seen way, way worse. But it’s always hard seeing Amuro-san’s face, seeing him stoic and cold, his voice lowered and chilling, compared to the way he talks to him, it feels uncanny, expected, but still disturbing.

“...Why are you showing this to me?”

Amuro-san grabs the table and opens an audio file next, Shinichi refuse to press play so Amuro does it for him, putting it on loudspeaker and essentially forcing him to listen.

A wet voice, heaving and coughing, extremely hoarse from the screaming, shouting, and missing teeth…

It’s a long confession, in between the thirty-minute audio, Shinichi can hear breaks where he screams in pain, the bullet from Amuro-san’s gun piercing through his thigh, another scream, even louder this time, assaulted his eardrums when Amuro-san undoubtedly had done something to the fresh wound, forcing Pinga to continue his confession if he wants the pain to stop.

“We fact-checked everything he said.” Amuro-san says, beating Shinichi to it before he can question the accuracy of his confession, if there’s any truth to it or if he’s just saying anything to stop Amuro’s abuse.

Shinichi tries to focus on what he’s saying and now his begging, the pain he must’ve been in, for someone that prideful, someone who could look at death in the eye and laugh at its face, for him to beg for mercy like that… Shinichi tries to push the volume down but Amuro-san grabs his wrist, only turning it up. Shinichi’s breath comes out shaky, for the first time, he glares at Amuro, silently asking him WHY? Why is he forcing this on Shinichi? Why is he punishing him? If he’s trying to tell Shinichi that he can’t escape this life of violence that he plunged himself into then he’s wasting his breath, Shinichi already fucking knows.

Is this the same man who was hugging him last time? Who comforted him through his mental breakdown? The same man who… who…

The look on Conan-kun’s eyes… Furuya softens his gaze and eventually his grip, letting Shinichi rip his hand away, the man quickly turning off the audio since he had heard enough, he doesn’t need to hear more of Furuya playing with his prey, he already got the gist of it. 30 full minute confession of Pinga admitting he had been sabotaging Gin’s project. It’s one of his most profitable, inhumane projects too. Gin had recently closed a deal with a broker in South Asia, opening a lucrative human trafficking business, turning people in poverty who are fleeing their country into ‘indentured servants’ to eventually be funded for a proper job and shelter, promises that people in desperate times believe because they simply have no other choice. Projects like these are highly transactional, Gin likes things up close and personal so of course he has minimal interest in this operation, something that Pinga exploits.

Shinichi has no sympathy for that devil, NONE, the way he sabotaged Gin’s operation is by killing the ‘products’ during transit, it’s not like they’re transported in the safest way either. The whole reason why the Organization even bought these trafficked people is because they needed human test subjects for their various research. Stalling the ‘supply’ means stalling the research projects as a whole, if he wants to paint Gin as incompetent, this is one way to do it.

But still, hearing him scream during torture like that… It made his poison seem humane, it made Moonshine’s method of execution sound flowery in comparison.

But the proof is there, now, what the fuck does Amuro wants him to do with it now?

And then, as if on cue, he answers. “Present this to Gin.” He said, “Tell him that it’s one of your little gifts.”

“No.” The reply is swift and stern, Shinichi wants absolutely nothing to do with this. Too much risk! Gin would undoubtedly doubt his abilities, Shinichi is good but he’s not that good, something Rum likes to remind him of. He can’t fully pretend to enjoy seeing someone be absolutely tortured so he won't buy that it was his own doing. And if he does, what if he assigns Moonshine to similar missions, hm? Seeing how much Gin wants to see him fail. “No, Amuro-san! I told you I won’t do it!” He stands up but Amuro’s grip is rock solid and he’s clutching Shinichi’s wrist so damn hard that his muscles are trembling.

“Aren’t you tired of it?” Shinichi shuddered when he felt the identical voice Amuro used to Pinga now used on him. “This fucking game that you’re playing with him?”

…He feels bile rising in his throat. Amuro-san hurting him, cursing at him? This feels wrong, everything feels wrong.

“I see how he acts around you, it’s just a matter of time, and you know this.” He hissed at him, standing up so he could yank Shinichi closer. “Don’t you get it!? It excites him! The thought of torturing you to the bone made him giddy! HE’S GOING TO TORTURE YOU, CONAN! HE WANTS TO RIP YOU APART!”

“AND YOU DON’T THINK I KNOW THAT!?”

FINE! If Amuro wants to yell and fight like children then they can fucking do that! “I KNOW he wants to torture me, mutilate me if he could but he can’t! All because I played by the rules all this time, all because I have Rum’s favours and if I do something wrong, if I do something as drastic as this… What if he doesn’t react the way you want him to, huh? What if he got suspicious of me, thinking that I’m a rank climber and trying to usurp him, what if he decides that this is enough reason so he can finally rip my fingernails off one by one, huh? The ONLY reason why he hasn’t come after me yet is because he is fully convinced that Moonshine have no damn interest in his posi–”

“You’re right, Moonshine has no interest in his position.”

Fuck, Shinichi hates this, he LOATHES this, Amuro doesn’t sound the slightest bit affected by his outburst, it irks him to the bone.

“You manage to convince him, and basically everyone else, that you’re not interested in money or power, all because you convinced others that you’re doing all of this for his attention .”

Shinichi took a deep breath, he tried to calm himself but obviously it didn’t work… It takes him… a couple of tries to understand what Amuro-san is doing but when it clicks, he finds himself even more annoyed. “Are you… trying to help me…?” Is this his definition of ‘help’? Shinichi knows full well that Amuro Tooru is not right in the head but he managed to catch him off guard anyway because yes, that’s obviously what he’s trying to do.

“I don’t know what your plan is,” Amuro starts, his voice… has returned to the one he used on Shinichi, he never thought that Amuro-san’s tone could sound anything other than rigid, but compared to the one he used on him earlier, this one sounds gentler. “But I know it involves getting closer to Gin.” And this is the only way he can do that, he already got Gin’s attention, how long can the novelty last before his amusement turns to annoyance? You need skill to survive long-term in this game, at least Gin has some level of respect for Bourbon, while Moonshine is riding this unstable wave that could crash at any minute.

“If you really want to kill him. If you want him dead, Conan-kun, make the right decision.”

Besides, you’ve fallen this far, the only next step is to fall even deeper.

=

It surprised him too when he realized just how easy it is to find information. He didn’t have any solid plans, just following where the leads pointed him to and his first step was checking in with Heiji, he asked him if there was a way to break into Narc’s case files and Heiji confessed that the Narcotic Division’s security is something else considering their work but he promised Shinichi that he’ll look into it. In the end though, he can’t get into his database but with Shiho’s help, Shinichi notices a suspicious amount of volume on certain illegal substances, most can be disguised as medical supplies but it doesn’t balance out with the amount of hospitals and clinics in the area in which the orders were placed on. Shinichi concluded that Amuro was telling the truth, Heiji also confirmed that the area has an influx of plainclothes police officers recently planted, an obvious move by the PSB to secure the place after Pinga’s confession.

In the middle of the investigation, Shiho had also pretty much confirmed the existence of the research institution. “I grew up in one.” She said, “I didn’t question it.” And Shinichi didn’t question her.

In the end though, in his mind… it’s still not enough.

He had come this far, Amuro-san was offering him a shortcut and while he– he wants it, he wants this to be over, but–

He needs to be sure, he needs to play the long game, he’s getting closer, he knows it. He can’t… He made his decision.

That night, he called Amuro-san once, when Amuro answers, Shinichi simply says, “I can’t, Amuro-san…” Shinichi’s voice is quiet but final. “I just can’t risk it…”

=

“Amuro-san–” Shinichi gasps as he almost stumbles with how hard Amuro is yanking him along, dragging him to the parking inside an innocuous-looking warehouse.

The last time they saw each other was at the debriefing meeting after the murder of Miniter Ogawa. As usual, Rum didn’t show his face but he was connected through a conference call, Moonshine, Bourbon and Curaçao were the only ones present. Rum congratulated them on a job well done, always with that sarcastic twinge on his voice that Shinichi had gotten used to. He told them that Toyama had backed out of the deal and approached the investigation as a murder instead, and they’ve planted Moroboshi as her replacement, all according to Moonshine’s plan, he granted Moonshine a ‘resting period’ which is basically just a week of vacation, not nearly enough but he’ll take what he can get.

Shinichi was preparing to spend that week sleeping, maybe making contingency plans to make sure that Ginshiro Toyama wouldn’t be roped into something like this again, only for Amuro to intercept him on the way home and basically kidnap him. Shinichi, confused and unsure of what to do, had no choice but to follow.

Once they entered the warehouse, Shinichi realized what kind of place this was. It must be one of the PSB’s hidden facilities, for what he isn’t sure, but he doesn’t have to think wonder for long when Furuya drags him into one of the larger shipping containers. Shinichi stumbles as they enter, hissing loudly when Amuro grabs him.

Furuya yanks Conan up by the hair, his claws digging to his scalp when he tries to free himself, Conan’s hard breathing hitched when he sees what, or who is strapped in the middle of the room.

“You think you can just reject my offer that easily, Conan-kun?”

Furuya easily shoves him closer to the dying body, the one that might as well be a corpse. This close, Shinichi can smell it, the stench of blood, of puss and alcohol, the scent of metal, of burnt flesh, the result of everything the man holding him inflicted himself.

Shinichi felt his throat constricting, a yelp pulled out of him when Amuro jerked his hand back, Shinichi’s neck painfully straining from the sudden pull. He feels Amuro’s other hand curled around his stomach, hugging him with a force so hard that it constricts his lungs, he feels like he’s slowly being crushed by a snake.

A sharp noise pierced the still air when Furuya kicked the metal chair so hard that it rattled, a… voice came out of the body sitting on the chair, Pinga gasped for air as he was jerked awake by the noise but rather than struggling, he merely opened his mouth to try and breathe better, something must’ve messed with his lungs because the noise that comes out of him… the wet, croaked sound of an obstructed throat, it sounds like he’s actively drowning underwater despite being dry, after a while of that, he starts croaking, it gets louder and louder until it suddenly stops and he loses consciousness yet again.

Shinichi, by this time, can not move his limbs from how hard he’s shaking.

“Look at him,” He can feel Amuro’s lips just above his ear, he can feel how hot his breath is, he can hear the tremble in his voice “Look!” He hisses sharply, his hand forcing Shinichi to stare at the body yet again, pulling on Shinichi’s hair until he feels the roots plucking if he dares to look away.

As his eyes water, he wants to ask Amuro why he’s doing this, but he already knows the answer.

“Who’s to say that this won’t be you, hm?” Amuro’s voice sounds so foreign, he sounds so menacing, the aggression simmering just under the surface, it's making him tremble even harder. “You’re a criminal now, Conan-kun. Nothing but a filthy, degenerate, selfish prick who kills people to get what he wants. Who says that others won’t treat you like this too? What if the others find you? You think I’m the only NOC around? You think everyone else would be just as nice as Akai? Do you think everyone will let you walk around murdering people just because they feel sorry for you?” Shinichi needs to understand that Akai is an anomaly. That man is less loyal to a cause and more loyal to his heart, Furuya knows that Akai is only using the FBI as a means to an end, that he’s only staying to capture Gin more from a personal grudge for killing his old lover rather than to protect the people of his country, the country that he changed nationality to only because he’s looking for his father’s killer, as he once told him.

Furuya knows that Akai is more loyal to people, his people, because he saw it himself. Even without the name of the FBI, Akai once shot dead an Organization member who was closing in on that… person. That Girl. Jodie something. Ugh, even thinking about her pisses him off but he saw first-hand how he went off script, how he almost exposed himself just so he could snatch her up and drive her to safety.

So, despite hating it, it’s not that far-fetched to think that Akai will let Shinichi walk without any consequences whatsoever. Akai is just that type of person, at least in Furuya’s eyes, he’s flexible in his morals and even more so with people he cares about. Little Conan Edogawa was important to him, he treated the boy almost like his own baby brother with how protective he was, but Rei can’t just do that, he can’t just let this go. Unlike Akai, he can’t continue letting Conan go down this path.

Shinichi feels Amuro's hand creep up from his waist, to his chest, before it settles just above his neck. Those long fingers almost crushing his jaw, Amuro forcefully turns his head to face him, Shinichi's wide eyes locked with Amuro's blue ones… He could break my neck like this. Shinichi's mind, now always stuck in varying degrees of paranoia, for the first time ever, starts doubting Amuro's loyalty towards him. He knows that Amuro is not going to put him above his mission, but he always assumes that Amuro won't purposely hurt him. But maybe he's wrong, maybe he finally did something that pisses him off enough that he warrants a death penalty.

Shinichi closes his eyes, wondering if this is how he dies, if he managed to survive through impossible situations only realizing that this is the way he'll go; neck broken in the hands of someone he thought he could trust.

“You see how easy this is, Conan-kun?” Shinichi can actually feel it, the way his jaw makes a light clinking sound as Amuro's fingers dig into his cheeks so deep that it pry his mouth open. “How easy it is for me to break you, to kill you? Hm? Do you know that I'm the only one that will give you this? I could break your neck right now… Give you an easy way out. But Gin won't do that, oh no… Not like this, not this quick…” Of course, Amuro sees it himself, Shinichi can feel his breath on his neck, where the bruises from Gin's hands almost choked him to death back in their first meeting, it's the reason why Shinichi keeps wearing turtlenecks, he dislikes seeing that devil’s mark on him.

The hand on his jaw suddenly lets go only to quickly wrap around his wrist. Shinichi never really noticed it, but with Amuro's fingers curled around his own like this, he noticed just how strikingly different their skin tones are, Amuro's perfectly tanned one, and his own sickly pale hue. His attention is quickly averted from the colour though as the fingers that were so innocently wrapped around him have now started hurting him there too. Amuro's thumb pressed down on the last knuckle of his pinky while bending up the tip, the pressure making his hand tremble.

“You know what he wants to do to you, hell, even I know. These… violinist's fingers of yours…” Shinichi tries to yank his hand away mostly out of instinct but it's no use, Amuro can break his fingers, plucking his joints out of place one by one, and maybe he will. This is nothing to Amuro, just a little more, just the slightest more pressure and then–

“It would be so easy, you're so damn easy.”

Then,

With one intense pressure,

Shinichi hears the smallest crack, and pain rushing through his body–

“AAAH!”

Furuya lets him go.

It takes him a second to react but the moment Amuro lets him go, Shinichi shoves him back with all the power he has which compared to Amuro, doesn't really mean much.

Shinichi didn’t shout at him, he just… his brows furrowed, wide eyes shaking in disbelief and lips pressed into a line, cradling his reddening hand as gently as he could, his finger bent in unnatural way after Amuro broke it.

“If I still refuse,” He said in a shaky voice. “Are you going to kill me…?” Shinichi is in too much pain to play mind games with him. For once, he just wants Amuro to be true to him, to stop using all his masks and talk truly like he just did, he wants Amuro-san to be honest, in more ways than anger. “You won't.”

“I won't. But I'll have to bring you in.”

“That doesn't mean much.” He sees Amuro tilting his head, his brow twitching, he doesn't like being corrected and Shinichi knows it. “The death penalty.”

“You won't get the death penalty.”

“I'll die either way.”

“Conan-Kun–” Amuro lets out a loud, loud groan, hands crossed on his chest but he doesn't try to hurt him again. “I can't let you stay as you are!”

“And I can't have you thinking you can control me.” Shinichi bites back. “If you ‘bring me in’, I'll…” He takes a deep breath. He steels himself. Why? Why must he panic? He's done so many worst things in the past and he thought he had grown numb to it. Amuro knows full well what he will do if he is ‘brought in’, Amuro knows that Conan has made sure there are ways in which he will leak his identity to RUM if he's ever captured. He's saying it loud and clear; If I'm going down, I'm bringing you down with me.

…

But then again, Conan– Conan, knows this. He knows he's a NOC, he knows that Furuya is different than Akai, he knows all of this and yet he still takes a gamble and he… still…

“I can't–” The words are stuck in his mouth, Furuya shakes his head, covering his face with his hands.

Shinichi instincfully takes three, four, five steps back when Amuro speeds towards him but the older man catches up to him easily, Shinichi groans and tries to fight him off as Amuro clutches his wrist yet again, his fingers clamping over his broken one, and as Shinichi screams his lungs out in absolute agony, Amuro cracked his finger back in place, effectively fixing it.

Finally letting Conan go, he watches him almost stumbles down to the floor, cradling his hand yet again, now red and hot beyond measure, sure his joint is now popped back into place, but he won’t be able to use it properly for weeks.

Furuya’s mouth open and closes, he’s staring at Conan’s eyes that are filled with visible anger and disbelief.

He wants to say the most inappropriate words; I can't handle seeing you like this. But of course he swallows those words down. He can't let Conan see the truth, the reality of his heart, not after he taught him a lesson in the most painful way possible.

He needed to do it! He couldn’t sugarcoat things anymore. He gave Conan the tiniest taste of what Gin would do to him, see if it’ll make him listen.

“If you want to kill Gin,” Furuya cuts right to the chase. Conan knows everything now, he knows the stakes. “If you want to get close to him, give him this information. He'll trust you completely.”

And then, you can finish this.

Then, you can stop this. Stop killing others, stop… stop…

Stop.

But it doesn’t stop, Furuya can't stop it, the smell of graveyard lilies assaulting his senses, the ghost of memories of Kudo Shinichi's fake grave.

Stop killing him.

Furuya only has a day or so memory with Kudo Shinichi, yet he spent almost a full year with little Conan.

Conan Edogawa, that devious little rascal, cunning and so, so annoying! Getting into all his stuff, challenging him, making his job hell, making him smile and laugh, genuinely for the first time in a while, more times than once, more times than he could count.

Stop. Killing him.

Give him back. Give Conan BACK.

Kudo Shinichi… Furuya wants him to end. To Die. He wants Moonshine, Seiji Asoh, and Kudo Shinichi to die. He wants his Conan Edogawa back. He just always assumed that when Conan regained his old body back, he would still be Conan , just going with a different name and a body almost as tall as his. He expected to have an oversized Conan walking around Beika, wearing a high school uniform and strolling around with his childhood sweetheart. But instead, he found this. He kept hoping that there was a piece of Conan that he knew still in there. He feels bad, he feels horrible, but every time Conan looks dejected, every time Furuya helps him through a panic attack, he gets reassured in his heart that this man is still Conan, that Conan really did come back, and he's just using this as a means to an end, and that just like everything in the past, he will find a way to end it quick but last time…

Last time… When he killed Ogawa without any hesitation whatsoever. When he got stared down by his blank eyes.

…

He's slipping away again…

This… All of this is killing the Conan that he knew and he refuses to let that happen, not again, he doesn't want to lose Conan for a second time but Kudo Shinichi is killing him and–

Furuya surges forward, the hands that abused him are now clasped once again in his arms but Shinichi doesn’t move, he doesn't even flinch.

…

After all that, Conan didn’t even flinch.

Why? Can he read him that easily? Can he read through Furuya’s feelings, see how sick and twisted he had become that he finds breaking his finger to be an appropriate lesson? Just a last, pathetic attempt to intimidate him to do what he wants?

Conan’s eyes turned cold, Furuya would take defiance and anger over cold but he–

And then, finally, he broke. He completely broke. Torture methods didn’t even work on him in the past and yet this boy… “Please.” Furuya's voice is barely audible, he looks at Conan with his blue eyes now all glassy with tears of pure frustration. “Please…” End this. End this. End. This.

“If you want to kill Gin, if– If you want to avenge Ran Mouri–” He's saying anything and everything to get this boy to agree. “I need–”

Furuya honest to god flinches when Shinichi wipes the tears off his face before pulling away. Shinichi stares at him for a second, turning to look at Pinga’s brutalized body and then back to him again.

“You really told yourself that you did all that to help me, huh?” Shinichi gestures to the brutal torture, and then he looks down at his trembling hand, at the mark of Amuro’s ‘lesson’. This man who doesn’t know how to communicate aside from violence since that’s all he knows now, that’s the only way he knows how to solve problems; either negotiate or conquer.

What a broken, broken man.

It’s almost pathetic, really. But who is Shinichi to judge him? Him? Who had to take drugs to murder someone? Who cried after getting exactly what he wants?

After a long pause he finally speaks, “Fine.”

…

And Rei completely missed it, he didn't even realize that the mention of Ran Mouri's name, which used to rattle Conan instantly, now didn't even make him flinch.