by Mark Gregston
In a time when it’s en vogue to rate everything—andeveryone, and when filtering what comes out of our hearts and minds is discouraged, it can be difficultfor teensto navigate the muddy waters ofthisnegative world. Our cultureseemsobsessed withtelling it like it is andpointing out what’s wrong with the world—and thepeople who live in it. Yet,research showsusthat what we thinkhasa powerful influence on how we feel—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Andour thought lifegreatlyinfluenceshow webehave.
Years of research alsoillustratesthat when kids are surrounded by constant negativity or by someone whoisconstantly complaining,physical symptoms,such as:depression or anxietycan manifest in their lives.And this continual subjection to negative thoughts ornegativityin generalcan cause anoverall tendency for your child towant towithdraw from friends and family.
As a parent, we have the job of making sure we’re going against the grain, and being a positive influence in our kids’ lives.By being a positive authority figure, instead of a negative one, you’re going tocreatea safe, healthyenvironmentwhile reminding themthat they can—andshouldbe, a light and positive force inthisnegative world.This in turn, willhelpthem gravitate away from the dramaand dramatic situationsthat they might face,towards more positiveand fulfilling situations andrelationships.
How NegativityAffects Children
Author Gary Smalley once said,“Unfortunately, negative words (or just the lack of affirming ones) can turn out the lights in a child’s life. Lights that may never beturned back onagain.”
Our children are the future and our hope, and I would venture to say that the majority of us want them to have every opportunityto shine—andtoshine brightly.But with the creation ofsocial media and otherarenasthat invite and even encourage arguments and being critical of others and other points of view, it’s important to understand how negativity affects kids.
Studies show thatshow that hurtful words in the sixth and seventh grades can have a life-long effect on kids. And negative views of the world create distrust, disappointments, and an overalllack of respect for authority which can lead to severedisconnectedness. There’s so much complainingin our worldabout the president, the former president, our military, our police force, our politicians,andour teachers—that the list justgoes on and on—using every opportunity to offend. But all this negativity and complaining wipes out the opportunities for our young people to engage in conversation with people in authority and gain the wisdomof learning from them.And this in turn, leads us to have a generationof young people who lack the very skills needed to negotiate, problem-solve, and communicate effectively.
Create a Positive Environment
The world outside the doors of your home is filled with a culture of ideas that you can’t control.And while wecan’t changetheculture, we can control how much negativity is doled out at home.When you’rebeingpositive with your kids,you’llencourage and create an atmosphere of positivity.And your positivity willset the bar for your kids to respondin kindbecauseit follows the principle which says, most thingsthatkids learn arecaught—nottaught.
This reminds me of analgebrainstructorthat I once had in school. Mr. Roberts told me:If you think you can, youcan. If you think you can’t you won’t. And if you want to win, but think you can’t, it’s almost a cinch that you won’t. His words have stuck with meall these years—because they’re true,andbecause they hold the power of positivityin them.
So, considerthe environment you’re creating for your kids.Are you correcting and criticizing themall the time? Or are you helping them as they venture further down the path and away from you.Give your teen hope.Be an encourager to them. Andwhenall else fails, just hang out with them in a fun, relaxed way.Remember it’s important to communicate that there is nothing they can do to make you love them more—and nothing they can do to make you love them less.
Conclusion
Mom, Dad …your teensare surrounded by negativity which focuses on who they aren’t—what they’ll never, or never have. And shaming them for attempts to stand up for themselves orothers. So many kids are more concerned with capturing negative behavior on their phones and other social media platforms than they are for standing up for others to be a positive influence. It is a tough world, so don’t make it tougher for them. Your home needs to be a respite—a retreat from the pressures of life where your kids know of your unfailing love for them. It’s important to quit correcting them all the time—and stop pointing out all the insignificant aspects of their lives. Let your praises be many and your criticisms be few. You are to be the same refuge to your kids that God is to you!
